Whiskers & Purrs

Makin' Plans to Par-Tay!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Miss Elizabeth Taylor speakin'.  Yesterday Fergie breaked the news to us that mommy will be leavin' us for a whole week next month.  Everybody in our house is all sad and skeerd.  I, for one, am actually kinda excited...it's gonna be like a vacation!

These is all the things I'mma gonna be able to do with mommy away:

1. PARRRR-TAY!  Woo Hoo!  We can sip Niptini's, play with nip mousies, and jump on top of the frigeratator and mommy will never know 'bout it.
2. I can grow my fingernails real real REAL long and stick 'em in Mazie Grace just so I can hear her scream!
3. Use my super-sharp fingernails to scratch up all the furniture
4. Sleep on mommy's pillow
5. Tinkle on mommy's pillow

Yep...it's gonna be a rockin' week!  I'm gonna go start givin' myself a manicure right now...gotta git my fingernails just right for all the fun ahead!

Very truly yours,
Miss Elizabeth Taylor

Miss Elizabeth Taylor is Poutin'

Hi to all the people on the innernets.  This is Miss Elizabeth Taylor speakin'.  Mommy fussed at me today for boppin' Mazie Grace in the head.  I ain't used to bein' yelled at.  My feelin's are hurt.  I ain't never gonna talk to mommy again...EVER...at least not until it's time to eat supper or git my tummy rubbed.

Very truly yours,
Miss Elizabeth Taylor

What Miss Elizabeth Taylor Saw...

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Miss Elizabeth Taylor speakin'.  First I wanna say "thanks" to all the peoples that sent me emails and leaved comments on our bloggy yesterday.  How excitin'!  Unfortunately nobody guessed right...bummer!  But I knows you all tried real real REAL hard!

See, yesterday mornin' I was sittin' in my Sunday Mornin' Sittin' Spot takin' a nice long bath.  I prefer to have me a warm and cozy sun beam to relax in when I'mma sittin' in my Sunday Mornin' Sittin' Spot, but Miss Sunshine was not cooperatin' with me...dang it.  Anyways, I was takin' a delightful and delicious bath when all of a sudden I heard a big loud SNAP and then a big loud THUD!  It skeerd me...skeerd me real bad, peoples!  When I finally gots the courage to look outta the window to see what it was, this is what I sawed:

Dang...that big tree branch came flyin' outta the sky real real REAL fast!  I just ain't never seen nothin' like it in my life!  It falled outta one of the trees in our mean neighbor's yard.  She is mean and crazy.  We do not like her.  Mrs. Lilly White telled you all 'bout her and how mommy had to call the police on her HERE.  She likes to sit in her hot tub...almost nekkid...EWWWwwwww...we try not to look at her...we ain't sure but we think that's why Mazie Grace is blind...she looked at Mrs. Ugly & Mean Neighbor in the hot tub and...DANG...there went her eyes!

We will now have to supervise mommy gittin' rid of the big ol' skeery tree branch that falled outta the sky. Our work is never done...

Very truly yours,
Miss Elizabeth Taylor

Guess What I'mma Lookin' At...!

Hi to all the peoples on the innernets.  This is Miss Elizabeth Taylor speakin'.  Today is dark and dreary.  There ain't no warm and cozy sunshine to nap in.  It is sad.

I was bored and decided to look outta the window to see what I could see...you just won't believe it!  I cannot take my eyes offa it.  I might need to call Elsie Fallulah's boyfriend, Mr. Anderson Cooper from CNN, to see if he might wanna cover this on news.  It's shockin'!  It's unbeleevable!  It will knock you offa your paws!

Please make a guess at what I'mma lookin' at in the comment section...the first person that gits it right will win a prize.

Very truly yours,
The Whiskers & Purrs Gang

BREAKING NEWS: Final Attempt to Help Miss Elizabeth Taylor

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) is reporting that Miss Elizabeth Taylor has gone into seclusion and is now under the strict supervision of her big brother, Felix the Magical Cat.  Taylor, 3, was recently involved in a string of late night parties, arrests for public nip intoxications and attempted murder of Mazie Grace, road rage and being caught without her panties on.

After many pleas to seek help by her family and friends in the blogosphere, Taylor's big brother, Felix, stepped in to take over. "Nip is a wonnerful thing in moderation but, dang it, it can ruin a life if you ain't careful. I ain't gonna let Miss Elizabeth Taylor become another statistic.  I'm gonna make sure she stops the nip sniffin', gits some sykeeatrik help and puts her panties back on for good."

Felix, 5 1/2, has recently battled a serious health issue involving his broken pooper.  Although his pooper is recovering, he still requires trips to see Aunt Doktor Davies and his mommy giving him a shot once a day.  "I'm just so proud of Felix the Magical Cat.  On top of all the things he has going on with his pooper treatments, he still loves his little sister and is going to help get her back on the straight and narrow path.  He's the best Man-of-the-House EVER," stated Felix and Taylor's mommy.

CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

Miss Elizabeth Taylor: Oops! She Did It Again!

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that papparrazzi recently snapped photos of Miss Elizabeth Taylor engaged in a salacious act in public with Mr. Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie. 

Sources close to the investigation state "Dang...there ain't nothin' she won't do in front of God and everybody! Miss Elizabeth Taylor is one wild girlcat.  It sure is a good thing she ain't got her no kittens...the police would've taked them babies away by now if she did!"  The enbattled celebrity, recently having a very public battle with an addiction to nip and struggling to control anger issues which led to a recent arrest, continues to publicly ignore pleas from her family to seek help.

When asked for comment, Taylor's only statement was: "I love me my boys and my nip...I ain't givin' either one of 'em up!  Leave me alone, dang it!"  Miss Taylor's life appears to be spiraling out of control.  CNN contacted Taylor's mommy for comment.  She released the following brief statement: "Only time will tell the fate of my beautiful daughter."

CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

Another Wild Night

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that local papparrazzi snapped several photos of Miss Elizabeth Taylor enjoying the company of several different men all in one evening last night.  She was first spotted cavorting with Mr. Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie and then, later in the evening, she was spotted holding paws with Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III.  Taylor was then spotted displaying public affection for Felix the Magical Cat in the window of her mommy's bedroom.

The enbattled celebrity, recently having a very public battle with an addiction to nip and struggling to control anger issues which led to a recent arrest, continues to publicly ignore pleas from her family to seek help.

Taylor's mommy issued the following statement this morning, "I am very concerned for my daughter and am fearful for her life...I just don't want her to become another Britney Spears.  Miss Elizabeth Taylor, please put your panties on and stop sniffing nip."

While there have been many public pleas for Taylor to re-enter rehab and get treatment, she shows no signs of slowing down or seeking help.  A family member wishing to remain anonymous told CNN "I is so very embarrassed by Miss Elizabeth Taylor...she has turned into a big ol' floozy.  We ain't been raised like that...it's just a big disgrace."  When asked if she'd like to say anything to Taylor, the only comment was "Elizabeth, put your panties on and start bein' a good girl again.  You is makin' all of us look real real REAL bad."

CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

BREAKING NEWS: Miss Elizabeth Taylor Refuses to Stay in Rehab

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that Miss Elizabeth Taylor has checked herself out of a local rehab facility stating "I ain't gonna stay in that dang place...ain't no nip-filled balls in there and I gotta have my nip-filled balls, people!"

After leaving the herb-free facility located in the Spare Bedroom, Taylor was spotted running erratically through her mommy's house, narrowly avoiding several head-on collisions.  Sources close to Taylor, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated "Wowwy wowwy wow!  We is gonna have a good time tonight..."

At approximately 4:00 am, papparrazzi caught the buxom tuxedo girl inebriated and obviously not wearing any panties.  CNN attempted to reach Miss Taylor's mommy, however, her only statement was "No comment."

CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

BREAKING NEWS: Miss Elizabeth Taylor Enters Rehab

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that Miss Elizabeth Taylor has entered rehab for an addiction to an unspecified substance.  Sources close to Miss Taylor, asking to be kept unidentified, tell CNN that Taylor has a serious addiction to nip.  After being released on Monday from the Spare Bedroom Prison, Taylor went on a 24-hour binge of partying and snorting nip.  She was found laying on her back with her tail wagging in the breeze and her eyes rolled back in her head. 

Taylor was arrested in the early hours of Sunday morning on charges of attempting to kill her blind baby sister, Mazie Grace, and various other acts of terrorism.  The Mommy FBI arrived on the scene in the early hours of Sunday morning to find Taylor with her paws wrapped around Mazie Grace's neck and screaming, "I hate you, you little blind buzzard!"

A close relative of Miss Taylor's, preferring to remain anonymous, told CNN, "Dang...Elizabeth Taylor is a wild wild girl.  She can snort a whole baggy of nip and then start lookin' for more!  She's gots to have it mornin', noon and night!  And when she's been nippin'...trust me...she either gits lovey dovey sweet or as evil as the devil.  That Elizabeth Taylor is a troubled troubled girl.  We is prayin' for her."

CNN asked Taylor's mommy for a comment as she got out of her car to go to work this morning but she declined.  She said Taylor would be issuing a statement through her attorney later today.  CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

BREAKING NEWS: Elizabeth Taylor Issues a Statement

Dear Peoples on the Innernets,

This is Miss Elizabeth Taylor speakin'.  Yesterday I was throwed into jail for absolutely no reason.  I was accused of doin' somethin' that I didn't do.  Yes, I know mommy sawed me stickin' my fingernails right into Mazie Grace, but it was Mazie's fault, not mine.  It ain't my fault that she gits on my nerves and makes me want to beat the livin' bejeezuz outta her.

I was throwed into the spare bedroom all by myself.  I didn't have nobody to kiss me or lick the insides of my ears.  I didn't have nobody tellin' me how beeyooteeful I am.  I was abandoned wiff only a bowl of crunchies and a poop box.  I only had a comfy bed and soft-cozy-comfy chair to sleep on...not my usual blankies and pillows.  This is cruel and unusual punishment for a gorgeous woman such as myself.  I just ain't used to these kinds of horrible conditions. 

Mommy said I had to tell Mazie Grace that I was sorry for bein' mean to her.  I think she oughta haff to tell me she's sorry for makin' me wanna strangle her.  It's all her fault.  Mommy says I sound like OJ.  I don't know what that means but I do know that I am just too beeyooteeful and wonnerful to haff to sit in jail.

Very truly yours,
Miss Elizabeth Taylor