Whiskers & Purrs

Tummy rubs, please!

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  There's a very beautiful tummy over here that really needs some kissin' and lovin'.  Please don't just stand there...come rub it!

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

My Secret Revealed...by Mrs. Lilly White

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  Well, I know y'all are all wonnerin' what my big secret is.  I think maybe I have keeped you all in suspense far too long already.  It's just that I am so excited and a little bit overwhelmed with the responsibility of what's 'bout to happen.

See, y'all all know that I am a very much a lady. I just find the delicate and proper things in life captivatin'.  I have lotsa peoples I look up to, but I think my most favoritist is...Ms. Martha Stewart.  Oh, I just have to tell you, she is the most wonnerful ladylike person ever.  Now I know she did time in the Big House, but, it just goes to show you that us ladies can sometimes make mistakes.  She made her mistake and paid her debt to society so git over it.  Please do not mention that horrible time in Martha's life to me again...it gits me real upset.

'Cause I admire her so much, I wanna be just like her (minus the trip to the Big House)...so...after much thoughts and considerations, I is gonna have my own magazine!!!  Ain't that just the most wonnerfulist thing ever?  My magazine will be called Mrs. Lilly White Purring much like the Martha Stewart Living magazine.  Each month it will be packed with articles 'bout how to be crafty, fine dinin' recipes, how-to's on lotsa things and home decoratin' stuff...everything you need to know to keep your purr box purrin'.  There mights even be some dramatical stuff in it, too...just depends on how I'mma feelin'.  Maybe I'll have me some guest contributators 'cause I gots me so many friends on the innernets. Oh, and of course my 11 brothers and sisters will contribute every once inna while. 

This magazine will be based on the innernets.  I will debut my first issue on March 13, 2008.  That's a very important date in our family and we wants to share it with you.  We'll tell you more 'bout that as we gits closer to the big day.  We'll be havin' a launch party so be sure to mark your calendars!!!

I can hardly wait to start sharin' all my crafty/homey/purry wisdom with you all.  As my Martha would say, "It's a good thing."

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Secrets

Hi.  This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  Thanks for all the emails and comments yesterday 'bout my secret...it's still a secret, though.  I ain't ready to tell y'all 'bout it yet. 

It's not 'bout no boy cat...I already got me one of them.  Me and Felix are boyfriend and girlfriend.  Now, I gots to share him with all them other girl cats in the house but I know he likes me the bestest. 

And, my secret ain't 'bout springtime, sunshine, Fancy Feast or belly rubs...it's even betterer than all them things put together.

Maybe I will tell you on Sunday...I gots to go back to dreamin' 'bout my secret.

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Daydreamin'....

Hi.  This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  I'mma daydreamin' 'bout somethin' wonnerful.  I ain't gonna tell you what it is 'cause itsa a secret...I know you wanna know what it is...maybe I'll tell you tomorrow...I can tell you that it don't involve panties or nip...I'm tired of hearin' 'bout that.  No...I is daydreamin' 'bout somethin' real nice and ladylike.

Now, back to my daydream...ahhhh....

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Mrs. Lilly White in all her glory

Let's talk 'bout rainbows and sunshine

Dear Peoples on the Innernets,

This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  I'm just really upset 'cause all we've been talkin' 'bout lately is stuff like poop, poopers, colons, diarrhea and all that other nasty stuff. Now y'all all know that I love my Felix more than any other boy in the world.  He is one of my husbands and I would do anything for him.  But I thinks I have heard all I need to 'bout his poop and his privates.  It's just so icky and embarrasses me terribly.  I am far too delicate to have to think 'bout stuff like that!

It's just not proper for a lady to talk 'bout this kind of stuff and it also ain't proper for a lady to haffta hear 'bout it neither.  Let's start talkin' 'bout stuff like butterflies, candy and hearts...ya know, stuff that is acceptable for a fine lady such as myself.  We can keep 'prayin for Felix and all his unmentionables, but let's talk 'bout rainbows and sunshine for a while.

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Ewwww....!

To all the peoples on the innernets,
This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  I'm shocked...shocked beyond belief...see, we gots a crazy lady that lives in the house behind us.  I mean, she is a few bricks shy of a load, if you know what I'mma talkin' 'bout.   Mommy had to call the police on her once 'cause she was throwin' stuff into our back yard.  And, she stealed mommy's car keys and cell phone, too!...honest, she did!  Mommy catched her in the act...mean old woman!  The police told her to leave mommy alone or they would take her to jail for trespassin' on our property.  She ain't a nice person and she's flat out crazy...even though mommy says it ain't nice to call people 'crazy' but this woman is real mean and hateful...plus, she just ain't right.  Well, anyways, she just put a hot tub out on her deck...I just saw her git in...she was almost nekkid...EWWwwww.  Mommy says it's like drivin' by a car wreck...you don't wanna look but you can't take your eyes away 'cause it's so skeery lookin'. 

After seein' that, I ain't sure if my eyes will ever be the same again...I might need to go see Unkle Doktor Blair like Mazie Grace does...maybe I need me an eyeball operation to erase that awful site from my eyes... 

Please pray for me.

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

I Am NOT Weird...by Mrs. Lilly White

Dearest Peoples on the Innernets,

Rocky from Artsy Catsy tagged me to post the "7 Weird Things 'Bout Me" meme.  Well, I must tell you, this is an honor, Rocky.  Thank you very much for 'spressin' innerest in me and for tryin' to share the joy of Me with all the peoples on the innernets.  I will, in turn, pass this honor on to other peoples on the innernets.

I would like to clear somethin' up right off the bat, though...I ain't weird.  I am a proper southern lady and I do everything within the confines of properness and ladylikeness.  With that in mind, howevers, I will share with y'all, seven things that sets me apart from all the others.

1. I hate to make poop.  Poopin' is the most ugly and disgustin' thing a proper lady has to do on a daily basis.  It's nasty.  And, even though mommy works real hard at keepin' all of our poop boxes clean, I do everything I can to avoid puttin' my precious paws in that nasty stuff.
2. When I HAVE to make poop, I use the Mrs. Lilly White Tippy-Toe Method of Dumpin'.  I stand on only one paw and have the other three holdin' on to the edge of the box, just prayin' I don't fall in.  You can read more 'bout that by clickin' on this link HERE and HERE.
3. I sleep 27 hours every day.
4. I never say "Meow"...I only squeak.
5. I am married but I ain't sayin' to who...you gots to be married if you wanna do the big IT...so I is married and now I gets to do IT with Felix, Georgie and Buzzy...Hubba Hubba!  I don't do IT with Henry...he ain't right.  Now, don't worry...everybody in our house has had their Very Important Operation (VIO)...ain't no baby-makin' goin' on.  Just some smoochin' and cuddlin'!
6. I don't like to eat cruchies...they make crumbs and a proper lady never EVER leaves a mess.  Plus, I burn too many calories when I have to chew and crunch on crunchies.
7. I don't like to be picked up by humans.  I don't even like it when mommy acts like she's gonna pick me up...I'm okay if I go to her and lay in her lap, but she bestest not try to put her arms 'round me or I will claw the bejeezuz outta her.

That's it!  Ain't I wonderful?

Now, I am gonna tag the followin' peoples...
Samantha
Trixie
Zippy
Yao-Lin
Gypsy
Daisy the Curly Cat
Victor Tabbycat

The rules are easy!  Just link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share seven random weird facts about yourself. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Very Truly Yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

An Offer Of Help For Britney Spears

Hello.  This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  First of all, I want you all to be aware that I am still very very VERY beautiful and also very much a lady...ain't nothin' changed in that department.

Secondly, I want to say that I am sick and tired of hearin' 'bout Britney...or as Perez would say "Unfitney".  She just ain't no lady and it is a waste of my ladylike time to have to see her without her undies (GASP!), gittin' nekid on TV (SOB!) and doin' all them other unladylike things. 

In a tribute to the wonderosity that is ME, I want to extend an offer of help and guidance to Britney.  I am willin' to counsel her on the followin':

1. The art of wearin' panties
2. How to not look like a skank
3. How to enjoy nip without lookin' like a ho
4. How to speak like a lady and not use the "ding dang y'all" phrase
5. How to dress right and cover up all your privates

I know she talked to Dr. Phil yesterday...uh, excuse me, what on EARTH does he know 'bout anything...he ain't even a real doktor!  If Britney wants some REAL help and is innerested and willin' to git down to work, I will be here for her.  She can contact me at Mrs. Lilly White

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

BREAKING NEWS: Paparazzi Snap Photo of Mrs. Lilly White

The usually prim and proper Mrs. Lilly White was caught with her pants down early on Friday morning.  Local paparazzi snapped a rather indiscreet photo of the Doris Day-wannabe.  White, who has touted that she is nothing but a lady and pontificated the benefits of properness, spent the morning lounging on her mommy's bed, just lettin' it all hang out.  When asked for comment on her recent indiscretion, Mrs. White's only response was "Hssssss".