I knowed somethin' wasn't right the minute I walked through the door. The first thing the new mommy said to me was "Ira, it's about time you came home!"...the first thought I thinked was "who is Ira and why ain't he been a comin' home?" I couldn't quite figure it out. She keeped a callin' me Ira Gershwin. What is that all about? It really confused me a lot.
You see my real name is Jimmy. I started out livin' my life with my real mommy and a bunch of brothers and sisters. Somebody found us when we was just teeny tiny babies and taked us to the pound. Well, let me tell ya, even though I was just a little squirt, I can tell you that the pound ain't no fun place to be. Dang...it was awful and skeery all rolled into one. Me and my family was all so very lucky when a real nice lady came and got me, my brothers and sisters and our momma outta that bad place. She taked us in and made sure we had everything we needed.
One by one all of my brothers and sisters got homes. Nobody wanted me, though. I was kinda sad but, ya know, I can roll with it. Last Sunday my Aunt Sally taked me to the adoption stand. I tried to look cute and everything but everybody just looked over me. Aunt Sally thought it would be good for me to stay at the place they have the adoption stand 'cause it's a vets office and lotsa people come in there everyday. Maybe somebody would see me and want to take me home. So I had to stay there in a cage on Sunday night. It was not fun. I hated it. Just take it from me...cages ain't no kinda good.
I didn't know it but the crazy woman that the Graves' kids adopted called Aunt Sally and said if I couldn't find a home that I could come live with her. So, Aunt Sally & Unkle John bringed me back to their house until I could move in. I gots to move in last night. It was kinda skeery walkin' in to a house with all the big cats walkin' around. I'm just ready for one of 'em to pick a fight or clock me upside the head. I growl at 'em to let 'em know that I'm a real tough big boy. But so far, nobody really wants to fight me. Felix keeps comin' up and singin' me a trillin' kind of song. He keeps a sayin' "don't worry, little buddy, it's gonna be alright." That is real nice. Mazie Grace keeps checkin' on me to make sure I'm okay, too. All of the others just sorta look at me but nobody here is mean to me. I ain't figured out all their names yet...dang...there's a lot of 'em!
So, my first night was okay. The new mommy showed me where the litter boxes are and, the most important thing, where the Fancy Feast is. DANG! These people git to eat Fancy Feast all day long! Man! I've eated more Fancy Feast since I've been here than I have eated in my whole long life!!! Mmmm...tastey!
After I eated up all the Fancy Feast my tummy could hold, patroled the house to make sure it was up to my high standards and then tinkled and pooped in the box, I was real sleepy. See, I'm just a little squirt...I gots to have my naps! So...I found the new mommy...she was sleepin' in her bed. I curled up with her and wiggled and squirmed until she cracked open her eyes.
It still keeped botherin' me that she was a callin' me Ira Gershwin. I asked her "New mommy, why is you callin' me Ira?"
She whispered 'cause she didn't wanna wake up the big cats, "Well, little Ira, I don't want to embarrass you or anthing but you kind of have a big nose. I'm pretty sure you're Jewish and I need to make sure I give you the most spectacular Jewish name ever!"
I whispered back, "New mommy, you gots it all wrong...my nose IS a little on the size extra-large side. I can't help it. It's my nose and I'mma proud of it. You gots my name all wrong though...My name is Jimmy. Jimmy Durante."
She smiled and gived me a big kiss and said "Welcome home, Jimmy Durante Graves III. It's about time you got here!"