Whiskers & Purrs

How Mazie Grace Got Her Name

   

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Mazie Grace speakin'.  It's now finally my time to tell y'all how I gots my name.  For those of you that don't know it, I is what is called blind.  I can see a little but not much.  My story is very dramatical.

I was borned in a not-so-great part of town.  No human beans really keered for me, my mommy or my brothers and sisters.  When I was born I had somethin' called "fully mature cataracts" on both of my eyeballs.  Them mean ol' things 'caused me to not be able to see nothin'...I mean to tell you, I was in the dark! 

One day, a real nice lady came and rescued me and my family.  She knowed that 'acause I was blind, I was surely not gonna live long 'cause I wouldn't be able to find stuff to eat and would be in danger on the outside.  Right after she rescued me and my family, I went to live at Aunt Sally and Unkle John's house.  They was my foster parents for the Henrico Humane Society.  The person that would soon become my new mommy was visitin' Aunt Sally on the day I moved in.  She taked one look at me and falled in love.  Even back then, I was what is knowed as "a pistol".  I couldn't see nothin', but I was fiesty! 

At first, Unkle John called me Nelly...I keeped walkin' into stuff and fallin' offa stuff and he would always say "Whoa, Nelly!"  Every day my mommy (who wasn't my mommy yet) would ask 'bout me...she tried to resist me but...when she realized I was supposed to be her little girl, she telled Aunt Sally that she wanted to adopt me...but, she telled her that my name was NOT Nelly...

See, I was gonna have me a operation on my eyeballs...Unkle Doktor Blair is my eyeball specialist and he said they could take my cataracts off of my eyes and help me to see!  So...mommy telled Aunt Sally that my real name is Mazie Grace...ya know...like the song "Amazin' Grace"...I once was blind but now I see!!!  So, after I had me my eyeball operation, I could see better...still not lots but better than nothin'.  I moved in to my new house soon after the eyeball operation and life ain't been the same for mommy since!

Some innerestin' things 'bout me...

• I absolutely LOVE my Unkle Doktor Blair.  I purr and squeak and give him headbutts...he is my dreamboat!
• I love love LOVE boys...my best boyfriends are Buzzy, Jimmy, Freddy and sometimes Felix.
• I demand to sleep either on top of mommy or next to her every single night
• I can scream louder than any livin' thing on the face of God's Green Earth...at least that's what mommy says.
• I love my big sister, Elsie Fallulah Graves.  She is my best girl friend and I will do anything to help her meet the love of her life...Mr. Anderson Cooper.

So that's my story...please don't feel sorry for me 'cause I is blind.  I git 'round the house real good...'cept for when mommy puts DOORS in places where doors ain't never been before!  Dang ol' mommy.  Other than that, life is good...I am happy...I am very brave...I am beautiful and I am loved.  I am very thanksful for all I gots.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

How Miss Elizabeth Taylor Got Her Name

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Miss Elizabeth Taylor speakin'...<giggle> <giggle>  I just know alla y'all is real curious as to how I got my name.  First of all...just look at me...I think this picture says it all...<giggle> <giggle>

I am beautfiul!  <giggle> <giggle>  And, I'm oh so very girly-girly <giggle> <giggle>...just like the human bean named Elizabeth Taylor.  Can you see the rezimbalince?

 

Mommy says from the minute she first saw me, she knowed my name was Miss Elizabeth Taylor.  Just like most of my brothers and sisters, I was a foster kid at Aunt Sally and Unkle John's house.  The first time mommy saw me, she tried to act all cool and indifferent to me...she knowed she already had 473 cats at home and was skeert to bring another one home.  But, like most peoples, mommy was never gonna be the same after she meeted me.  She keept thinkin' 'bout me and just knowed I was supposed to be her little girl.  So, she decided to make it fishull. 

Here's a picture of me on my first day at home:

See, I ain't skeert of nothin'.  Why would a beautiful woman such as myself be afraid.  Mommy says I reek of self-confidence and self-esteem.  That's a good thing, ain't it? 

Now, like most sellebritties, I have had me some troubles in my past...back last winter, I had a little trouble with an addiction to NIP and had to spend some time in rehab.  It was a little embarrassin' to the whole Whiskers & Purrs Gang.  While I was on one of my NIP binges, the pappyratzy got some pictures of me without my panties on and gittin' a little somethin' somethin' from several different boys in the Whiskers & Purrs Gang.  And, I got arrested a couple of times and throwed into the spare bedroom jail 'acause I tired to kill Mazie Grace...click HERE to read all 'bout my shame.  It was all so very dramatical!

But I is all better now.  I still love my boyfriends...

Oh!  And I love my big sister, Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor.  She's the best dang sister a girl cat could ever have!

Life. Is. Good!

Very truly yours,
Miss Elizabeth Taylor 

How Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie Got His Name

Hi to all the peoples on the innernets.  This is Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie speakin'.  I don't usually say a lot on this here blog.  I'm real shy.  But, it's my turn to tell y'all how I gots my name so I guess I'll be brave and talk some.

Like some of my other brothers and sisters, I also came from Aunt Sally's house.  She was my foster mom.  I had been friends with Fergie, Mrs. Lilly White and Coco Chanel.  I was lonely after they leaved.  Mommy really liked me...she thought I had a very cute face...she keept thinkin' 'bout me and decided to call Aunt Sally to tell her she wanted to bring me home.  Here's a picture of me when I had just been in my new home for 'bout an hour...I was VERY brave.

Once I was home, mommy realized she didn't know my name...me and her talked some 'bout it some, but I was very very VERY shy.  But I sure did like to play with the girl cats in the house...'specially Elsie Fallulah.  HUBBA HUBBA!  But anytime me and Elsie would be playin'/kissin', if mommy would come in the room, I would run and hide.  She said, "Ya know what little boy, you look like your name should be Georgie.  And, the way you run and hide all the time, I think your name should be Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie.  That's it!  We'll call you Georgie P. for short!"

And, so, that's how I gots my name.  Life is good for me now.  I gots my Elsie Fallulah Graves to kiss and play with and my best friend in the world is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III.  Me and him are buddies.  Mommy says if we could be on the outside that me and The Senator would be fishin' buddies!  I also got all kinds of friends that are real nice to me, plus...every once in a while, I let mommy pick me up and kiss me and scratch my stuff.  Oh, and I gots me lotsa Fancy Feast to eat and windows to watch the birdies and squirrels from.  Yes, life is good.

Very truly yours,
Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie

How Mademoiselle Coco Chanel Got Her Name

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Coco speakin'.  Now it's finally my time to tell y'all how I gots my name.  Like you already hearded, me, Fergie and Mrs. Lilly White adopted mommy at the same time.  It was very dramatical.   

I was very extra cute back then.  Here's a picture of me showin' off my beautiful tummy...see...it's got all kinds of polka dots! 

Mommy said I was very fashionable!  She said with my pritty brown furs, I reminded her of a cup of hot cocoa...all warm and cozy.  Plus, she said I am always so fashionably dressed in my beautiful brown furs...I would say mommy has some pritty good taste!   

So mommy said, "Dang!  That's it!  I finally figured out your name!  Because you have such beautiful brown furs and the fact that you are always dressed so fashionably with your polka dots and stripes...prettier than any Chanel suit I've ever seen...your name is Mademoiselle Coco Chanel!   And, so, that is how I got my name!

Some innerestin' things 'bout me:

• My beautiful tummy furs have turned bright orange! 
• I like to hide from mommy and then sit back and watch her panic when she's certain I have gotted outta the house!  I've gotted in trouble a couple of times 'cause of this...you can read 'bout it here and here.
• I like to tinkle on things...'cause it feels good!
• I "squeak" instead of "meow".
• I'm skeert to be picked up by mommy but I LOVE it once she picks me up.
• My favoritest thing in the world is to have my tummy rubbed.

And so, now you know how I gots my name.  Tomorrow, Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie will tell you all 'bout his name.

Very truly yours,
Mademoiselle Coco Chanel

 

How Mrs. Lilly White Got Her Name

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  Today I will tell you all 'bout my name.  As my sister, Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor, telled you yesterday, me and her and Coco was adopteded at the same time.  Here's how I looked back then:

Even at that very young age, I was very much a prim and proper lady...notice that my knees were together and my bosoms weren't showin'...it is very important for a lady to maintain ladylikeness at all times...even when they is a tiny little squirt.

Back then, my name was Coconut.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  It hurts me so to even think 'bout it.  What kind of name is that for a lovely lady such as myself.  Shortly after my mommy meeted me, she realized what a special girl I am and started to unnerstand my filosofee.  See, it's pritty simple...

1. Be a lady at all times.
2. When you ain't bein' a lady, make sure nobody is lookin'.
3. Always have pink toes, pink fingers, pink nose and lips and pink ears.
4. Don't show your stuff to strangers.
5. Never do IT with boys unless you is married.

When mommy realized what a perfectly prissy girl I am, she knowed that somebody had missed the mark with my "Coconut" name.  One night me and her was talkin' and she just flat out asked me, "What's your real name, little girl?"  I was so happy she asked.  Here's our discussion:

Me:            "Mommy, since I have such pritty white furs, my name is Mrs. Lilly White." 

Mommy:    "Lilly, that's the perfect name, but why the "Mrs."?

Me:            "Well, I am a lady.  In order to do IT with boys, you must be married.  When a girl is married, she is a "Mrs.".  Therefore, my name is Mrs. Lilly White.  I do expect to be called my full proper name at all times, too, mommy, because I intend to do IT with boys a lot.  Please don't forgit this."

And so, that is how I got my name.  Here is a very important fact that you may not know 'bout me:

• I absolutely HATE to make poop.  It is gross and I do everything I can to avoid it.  Here's a picture of me demonstratin' my Mrs. Lilly White Tippy-Toe Method of Makin' Poop and a link to a post I made explainin' my thoughts on poop makin' and other very important things. 

And, so, that is my story.  I must go take a long nap now...writin' all this stuff has been very taxin' on my beautiful self and made me very tired.  Please check in tomorrow...my sister, Mademoiselle Coco Chanel, will tell you how she got her name.

Please remember to keep your knees together and do not show your "stuff" to strangers.

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White 

How Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor Got Her Name

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor speakin'.  Today I will tell you know how I gots my name.

Like my brother, Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III, I was a foster kid at my Aunt Sally and Unkle John's house.  See, Aunt Sally and my mommy is friends.  Aunt Sally knowed that mommy was real sad 'cause The One That Came Before Us named Ricky Eugene Graves had just gone to heaven a couple of months before she met me.  Mommy was hurt and cried a lot.  Ricky was a beautiful yellow boy just like I'mma beautiful yellow girl.  So...Aunt Sally suggested mommy come meet me.  The Humane Society was doin' adoptions at PetsMart. 

Well...mommy came in and taked one look at me and falled head-over-heels in love.  But she noticed that I was sharin' a cage with two other lovely baby girl cats...you can see our picture here:

(Left to right) Fergie, Coco and Lilly

I mean, seriously, people...how could you not fall in love with beautiful womens like us!  When mommy saw that we was all skeert to death and dependin' on each other for comfort, her conversation with Aunt Sally went somethin' like this:

Mommy:      "I want all three of them." 

Aunt Sally:   "WHAT?"

Mommy:      "You heard me, I want them all."

Aunt Sally:   "WHAT?"

Mommy:       "I know it's crazy but I want them all.  They're all supposed to be with me."

Aunt Sally:    "WHAT?"

You can also see the little note on the bottom right side of the cage that says "I'm adopted"...HOORAY!!!  We gots a home and a mommy!!! 

To make a long story short, that was the beginin' of our new lifes.  At that time, my name was Peaches...and I was not happy 'bout it.  I mean, kinda sounds like a stripper's name, don't it?  I mean, no offense to all the womens in the world named Peaches but, well, it just wasn't my name.  I had to figure out a way to git mommy to unnerstand who I was.

See, it ain't real often you find a beautiful yellow-haired girl cat.  Most yellow-haired little people are boys.  But I am very much a girly girl.  Mommy tried lotsa names on me...Scarlett, Ginger, Rosy...but none of them was right.  One day me and her was talkin' and she said, "You know, little girl, you are very special... so special that you deserve to be treated like a queen,"  Then she said..."Wait a minute!  There is a royal red-haired lady and she is bold and brave just like you!  Fergie the Duchess of York!!!  But we don't live in York...Hmmm...Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor Drive!  That's it!

Ever since then, I has been Her Royal Highness Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor.  I am a very happy girl.  I am married to Felix Unger Graves III.  We is in love and do lotsa kissin' every day and night.  But I do have a little bit of trouble breathin'.  I gots me somethin' called "asthma".  I take my medicine every single day like a good girl...and seem to do alright.

Tomorrow you will learn 'bout Mrs. Lilly White and how she got her name!  Please be sure to come back and read all 'bout it!

Very truly yours,
Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor   

How Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III Got His Name

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Now it's my turn to tell you how I gots my name.  First of all, I ain't got no idea where I was borneded or where I came from.  I just know that some how I showeded up with my brother and sister at my Aunt Sally and Unkle John's house.  They was my foster parents from the Henrico Humane Society. 

Back in the them days, I gots to tell you, I was brilliant.  Brilliant and oh so very cute.  Aunt Sally's friend (my soon-to-be mommy) thought I was wonnerful and smart.  But one day...somethin' started to go wrong...way wrong.  See, Aunt Sally would go to work and leave me with Unkle John.  He would watch Fox News all day long...them evil vibes soakin' into my little head day-in and day-out...soon my little brain just started to dry up.  It seemed like one night I went to bed a brilliant boy cat with a future destined for greatness and woke up the next mornin' dumber than a box of dirt.  I was sufferin' from FNBI...Fox News Brain Injury.

When I lived with Aunt Sally and Unkle John, my name was Jag...who knows what that name was about...it was probably some secret code word that only Anne Coulter unnerstands.  After my soon-to-be mommy got to know me, she realized that my light bulb was turnin' dim.  She said "Well, I gots to git him away from that evil Fox influence...fast!  Jag must come to stay with me."  So she packed me up and moved me to her home.  By that time, my brain just couldn't think straight anymore.  FNBI is some serious stuff, people.

Mommy feeled real bad for me 'cause I had a injured brain and all...I couldn't meow...I would (and still do) bark like a seal instead of meow, I poop in the floor and in the bath tub and in mommy's shoes...you git the gyst (by the way, mommy has had me checked to make sure there ain't nothin' wrong with me like a infekshun or somethin')...Also, if one kitty swats my butt from behind, I will swat the kitty standin' in front of me 'cause I just don't unnerstand that it was somebody behind me.

So, in other words, I am dumb.  Mommy said, "We must find a name that will somehow help Jag be respected and keep the other cats from makin' fun of him...even though he really is dumber than a box of rocks...why, I know...he will be a Senator!   Let's see...hmmmm....Senator Henry Graves...no, that's not it...Senator Henry Jackson Graves...no, that's still not right...I've got it!  Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III!  That's it!

So, I've still not recovered from my FNBI.  But, mommy and all the other cats LOVE me.  Plus, I gots me some fans from all around the world.  Check this out:

 
Vicky B is a fan of mine.                                      Madonna is, too!

 
Paris Hilton LOVES me...I'm HOT!            Angie thinks I'm the hotness!

   
Cats all over the world LOVE me.          People flock to museums to see me.

   
My name has been in lights!                  I'm writed 'bout in the newspapers.

I might be dumb as dirt but...I'm loved and happy...Life. Is. Good!

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III 

      

How Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves Got Her Name

Hi to all the peoples on the innernets.  This is Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  It's my turn to tell you how I got my name. (My story is kinda long...I is sorry.)   My life started out pritty hard.  See I was borned in the woods.  Me and my cat mommy and brothers and sisters didn't have no home.  We was real real tiny...only two weeks old when, one day, cat mommy went to find somethin' to eat...but she never came back.  See, she went to catch a birdy in a lady's yard.  It made the lady mad so the lady's husband took my cat mommy and dumped her far far away from us.  Me and my brothers and sisters were leaved all alone in the big ol' world.  We was in trouble.

One by one all of my brothers and sisters started to go to heaven.  I knowed I had to do somethin' QUICK!  So, bein' the tough chick that I am, I started screamin' at the top of my lungs.  The kids of the mean woman that had my cat mommy taked away finded me.  The woman didn't want nothin' to do with me...she said she was "lergic" to me.  That's okay, I didn't like her anyways.  She had them put me in a shoe box...with the lid on it  and would take me out to shove a turkey baster down my throat to give me milk.  Can you believe that??? 

After a couple of days, the evil woman called her vet (she had GIGANTIC doggies) and asked what to do with me.  The vet called one of his clients (my mommy) and asked if she could go pick me up 'cause he knowed the woman was a couple of bricks shy of a load...if you know what I'mma sayin'.  Mommy came, took one look at me and falled madly in love!  The first thing she said was "Look at her markings...she looks like a little cow!...Elsie the cow."  Well, I ain't so sure that I like bein' called a cow, but, she did git my name right.  I am very much an Elsie. 

The big question is always "where did Fallulah" come from.  Well...one night mommy was watchin' "Friends" on TV.  Phoebe Bouffet was actin' silly and made up Monica's middle name...she called her "Moncia Fallulah Geller...mommy kinda liked the name Elsie Fallulah Graves.  So...it sticked!   

Some innerestin' things 'bout me...I was borned with only one nose hole...so I had a operation to open up the second nose hole.  I also had a big gigantic toof comin' out the front of my mouth.  So, I had it pulled.  Mommy says I was very lucky...I had me a nose job and my teef fixed at a very early age!

Now my life is wonnerful.  I spend my days playin' with my new brothers and sisters and my nights watchin' my Anderson Cooper...I LOVE MY ANDERSON COOPER!  Life is good.

Very truly yours,
Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves

How Felix Unger Graves III Got His Name

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Felix Unger Graves III speakin'.  As y'all know, for the next 12 days, we will be tellin' everybody how each one of us got our name.  It's real important that you unnerstand that mommy didn't name us.  We each telled her what our name was.  It' real important that you human beans listen to your little peoples...'cause if you listen good enough, we tell you who we is.  The problem is...y'all don't always listen.

My story goes like this...I lived on the streets.  I didn't have no home or anybody to love me.  I was sad...very sad and lonely.  But, one day I found the little white house on Huntsmoor Drive.  You can read all 'bout that day HERE.  Here's a picture of me when I was still on the outside...I was flirtin' with mommy then and she was givin' me fresh nips!  I knowed I was gonna like livin' with her!!!

At first, my new mommy thought my name was "Lord Leonard of the Land of Fancy Feast".  First of all, have you EVER heard anything quite as awful as that???  She was callin' me "Lenny" for short. 

But, that didn't last for long...see, I don't like messy things.  Everything has gots to be in perfect order or I have to let it be known that I ain't happy.  If you leave somethin' in the floor that ain't supposed to be there, I will pee on it.  If you don't make the bed in the mornin'...I will pee on your pillow.  If you leave the bathmat in the floor, I will pee on it.  If you don't put your shoes in the closet, I will pee in them.  I think you unnerstand what I'm sayin'. 

Mommy said I reminded her of this guy from the "Odd Couple":

I can sing better than him, though. Anyways, that's why I'm named Felix Unger Graves III. Just remember, DON'T LEAVE STUFF IN THE FLOOR!!! It is very upsettin' to me.

Very truly yours,
Felix Unger Graves III

Very intriguin'....

 

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is all of us speakin'.  We has been gittin' lotsa questions 'bout how we all got our very innerestin' and intriguin' names.  See, we ain't just ordinary cats...mommy says we is all very special and was sent to take care of her.  We don't have names like "Fluffy" or "Spot"...we is much more sopissticated than that...not that them is bad names...it's just that we are very worldy peoples.  Everybody knows that worldly peoples has gots intriguin' names like Obama, Batman and Jolie...(even though mommy cannot stand Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt...you would think Angelina was the first womans to ever have twins the way everybody is carryin' on...they both make mommy want to vomit...that's our secret though...please don't tell nobody).

So, to answer everybody's questions 'bout our names, each day for the next 12 days we will tell the story of how every one of us gots our very special names...git ready for some very intriguin' stories, y'all.  It's gonna be good.

Very truly yours,
The Whiskers & Purrs Gang