Whiskers & Purrs

I Feel Better

Hi Everybody,

This is Felix speakin'.  I just wanted to let you know that I'm feelin' a little bit better now.  My eyes are almost all better.  They don't hurt as much and I don't have gooey crap comin' outta them.  My pooper is workin' just a little bit better...

I did feel good enough to spend some time with Mazie Grace tonight.  She needed some big brotherly advice.  I can't quite figure her out...is she my sister, is she a cat, is she an alien???  I just don't unnerstand her.  She's real mad 'cause a certain person (I ain't namin' names but if I was, I'd say it was Unkle John) called Mazie a REAL REAL REAL bad name.

She is real mad and I told her, "Mazie Grace, in the words of the great Steven Tyler from the land of Aerosmith, Don't Get Mad  - Get Even."  So, Unkle John, watch out 'cause Mazie ain't gonna forgit.  There will be a price to pay...either in Fancy Feast, Tuna, Nip or a swat up 'side the head with a big loud "Urrrr"...

Very truly yours,

Felix

I'm Not Feelin' Very Good...

Hi Everybody in the whole world.  This is Felix speakin'.  I still don't feel so good.  Mommy taked me to see Aunt Dr. Dugan.  My eyes are all runny and goopy.  They is also real red and swelled up.  They hurt real bad.  I also have the poops.  It really ain't easy bein' me.

Aunt Dr. Dugan gave me LOTS of treats.  I eated every single one of 'em.  I love Aunt Dr. Dugan.  She is nice...'cept for when she is givin' me what she calls "medicine", I call it poison.  But, I know she is tryin' to help me.  She gived me all kindsa medicine and said I will feel real good soon.  I'm gonna try real hard to believe her 'cause Aunt Doctor Dugan loves us and I know she wouldn't tell me any fibs...she the best dang vetroruguritararian in the whole wide world.

I'm gonna go hide unnerneath the bed now.  I've had a hard day.

Very Truly Yours,

Felix the Sad Cat

Tippy-Toes

Hi everybody!

Just wanted to demonstrate the proper posture and facial expression for taking a major dump.  Please refer to the following photo for proper guidance. 

You must stand only on your left foot, properly balance on your tippy-toes and place your remaining foot and both hands on the edge of the box.  Staring straight ahead, you must get a look of utter and total disgust on your face as you dump away.  No matter what happens or may be going on around you, you MUST stay focused and disgusted until you finish the job!

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or if you need a more detailed description of this proven-effective method.

Very truly yours,

Mrs. Lilly White, inventor of the Lilly Tippy Toes Method of Dumping

Helpin' Mommy Out

Hi Everybody!  I think ya'll all know that I love my mommy a lot.  She ain't the best mommy in the world but she tries and that's all me and my brothers and sisters can ask for.  She works real hard so she can go out and buy us Fancy Feast, Friskees and Nip.  So I have decided I'm gonna help her out every single day. 

Last night, I really really really needed to make a poop.  Since it was Friday night and all, I thought I'd celebrate a little bit by makin' my poop in the bathtub.  But, I know every time I 'spress my creativity in the bathtub, mommy has to clean it up.  So...I came up with a brilliant plan. 

I went ahead and got creative in the tub and then, in order to prevent mommy from havin' to work so hard, I pushed and rolled, scooted and smeared my creative masterpiece down to the hole that water runs out of...I think mommy calls it the "drain".  Once I got it all down there, I just squished it all into the drain.  I packed it in there good and tight!  See, that way, mommy doesn't have to clean it all outta the tub.  It'll just stay there in the drain forever and ever!

Now ain't I thoughtful?  I'm sure you're a wonderin' why you never thought of that!  All them other cats in my house just pooped in the box.  Mommy had to clean all of our boxes out.  But, bein' the considerate and outstanding Senator that I am, I cleaned it out for mommy.  No wonder she loves me more than she loves all them other cats in the house.  Dang, I wish everybody could have a thoughtful Senator like me.

Very truly yours,

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves, III

Thinkin' Outside Of The Box

Today is day 2 of me sharin' all my senatorin' wisdom with ya'll.  Ya know, one of my most favoritest thangs in the world to do is poop.  Mommy says it's how I express my creativity.  I call it "Thinkin' outside of the Box". 

Sometimes, when I feel like 'spressin myself, I think outside the box in my favorite corner of the livin' room.  All the other cats in the house unnerstand that this is my special corner and they can't even go near it.

Other times, when I want to share my little creative self with mommy first thing in the mornin', I think outside of the box at the bottom of the stairs.  That way, she not only sees my creativity first thing when she gets up, she usually steps in it, too! 

Then, there are times I need to get mommy's attention when she comes home from work.  So, I leave a little bit of my creativity right in front of the door so she "gets it" right when she gets home.

And then, there's my most extra special favorite place...any time day or night when I feel like lettin' 'er rip, I head straight for the bathtub and get creative all over the place!

So, to all the people in the world that have voted for me, I encourage you all to take it from me, your loyal and hard workin' Senator, try thinkin' outside of the box for a while and see how much better you'll feel.  For everybody that ain't been votin' for me, just watch where you step 'cause you just never know where I'll feel like thinkin' outside of the box next!

Very Truly Yours,

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves, III

My Pooper Is Fixed!

Wow...I'm SO happy!  See...and I hate to tell you more than you want to know but...I aint been poopin' right.   My pooper just wouldn't work right! Plus, my tummy has been hurtin' a lot. 

So, Mommy called Aunt Dr. Dugan and asked her how to make me all better.  Aunt Dr. Dugan said "We must get Felix's pooper fixed!"   As usual, Aunt Dr. Dugan came to my rescue!

She gave me some medicine called flagyl and said "This is some sure-fire fantastical pooper-fixin' stuff...Felix will be feelin' better in no-time at all!"...well, I will say that that sure-fire fantastical pooper-fixin' medicine tastes like poison.  At first I was pretty sure Mommy was tryin' to kill me.  It tasted AWFUL and made bubbles come outta my mouth!  But...after takin' it for a while, my tummy didn't seem to hurt so much.

And then first thing this mornin', I realized that my pooper was workin' PERFECTLY!  So, once again, Aunt Dr. Dugan made things all better.  Everybody in my house LOVES LOVES LOVES Aunt Dr. Dugan.  She is wonderful and sure knows how to fix poopers real good!

Happy Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all the people in the world.   My name is Mrs. Lilly White and I am exhausted from being so beautiful and nice.  I hope you and yours have a wonderful year just like I'm gonna have.

The only thing that I hope to change for this coming year, is the way in which I have to poop.  You see, I find pooping to be the most disgusting thing in the entire world.  Can't someone do it for me?  That is what I must find...someone to do my business for me. 

  As you can see in this photo, it's just not my favorite  thing in the world to do...it's so very difficult to balance my lovely rotund body on one foot while grunting...there just has to be a better way...

See...I poop with only one leg in the box...it's just way to disgusting any other way. 

Even my baby sister, Miss Elizabeth Taylor, does the same thing.  See:

We just have to figure somethin' out!  If anyone has suggestions, please let us know.

Very truly yours,

Mrs. Lilly White