Hi. This is Jimmy Durante Graves III speakin'. Lotsa peoples on the innernets have leaved messages askin' why my name is Jimmy Durante. They say my nose looks normal and that I should be mad when mommy says I gots me a big ol' schnozolla.
This is why my name is Jimmy Durante Graves III...my mommy is right...I do gots me a big ol' schnozolla...!!! See! I'm proud of my big ol' nose. It's my trademark!
Very truly yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III
Hi. This is Jimmy speakin' to all you peoples on the innernets. I am gittin' ready for Vowintimes Day. I ain't sure what it is exzactly 'cause this is the first one for me, but, I just know it's gotta be good. Mommy taked this picture of me this mornin'...I tried to look all hot and fabulous for her. What do you think? Will I drive the ladies wild?
Very truly yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III
Dear Peoples on the Innernets,
This is Mazie Grace speakin'. We is in trouble. Dang. See, every night all of us cats cuddle up with mommy. She thinks it's 'cause we wanna be with her and snuggle with her...well...that ain't 'zactly right. See, we knows that as soon as mommy goes to sleep, we can play and do all them things she tells us not to do...'cause what mommy don't know won't hurt her...or us, right? So we do everything we can to encourage her to go to the sleepy man's house and snooze!
Well, last night was just like all them other ones. Mommy got into bed, turned the TV on and started nittin'. She don't like us playin' with the strings she uses. In fact, believe it or not, she fusses at us when we try to chew on or play with her strings! That don't 'zactly seem right to us and it makes us mad, but that's a whole other story for another day. Anyways...we did our usual purrin' and headbuttin' and snugglin' up next to her in the hopes she would go on to sleeps...IT WORKED! See, mommy sleeps like a dead person and don't hear nothin'. So, we can swing from the chandeliers if we want and she will never know it! And, let me tell you, last night was one fine party at the Whiskers & Purrs house! Dang...we breaked out the nip and everything!
This mornin' when mommy waked up, we heard "WHAT IN THE WORLD! WHO DID THIS???" bein' screamed from her bedroom...somebody must've gotted themselves over the Nip Legal Limit and went plum crazy. All them strings that mommy had been nittin' was a big ol' fuzzy mess. It was very dramatical. She is real real REAL mad. She said she was sure it was me, Jimmy and Freddy 'cause we is "always doin' stuff like this"...uh, 'xcuse me...ain't everybody innoncent until proved guilty???
We just all meeted unnerneath the dinin' room table. We have decided that the best thing is to stay outta her way all day, but if we gots to run into mommy, we gots to look real pitiful and cute. Oh, and we gots to purr real loud any time we see her. That always gits her.
I wonner if any other kitties git into trouble like we do...if you have any suggestions as to how we can manage our mommy better, please let us know.
Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace
Hi. This is Mazie Grace and Jimmy speakin'. We started the New Year off just right with a big ol' juicy kiss...Dang...this is some good stuff, y'all! Swappin' spit is fun! Hubba Hubba!
Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace & Jimmy Durante Graves III
Hi. This is Jimmy Durante Graves III speakin'. Today has been a big humdinger of a day. See, I've had the poops real real real bad for the past 3 days. Let me tell you...it just ain't been no kinda fun. It kinda skeers me. I mean...you might imagine what it's like to nearly blow yourself outta the litter box every time ya gotta go. Then...'cause I git so skeered, I usually step in it and squeeze it 'tween my toes and that just ain't no kinda fun for any man. It's embarrassin'. So, I ain't been feelin' so good and then...I started makin' some big ole steamin' piles of vomit. Mommy said I looked like somethin' outta the Exorcist...whatever that means. So, because I'm so dang powerful and important, mommy said "We must go see Aunt Doktor Dugan right away, Jimmy Durante Graves III."
Well, there was only one problem...Aunt Doktor Dugan don't work on Tuesdays. Dang...I would have to go and git myself sick on a Tuesday now wouldn't I? So, mommy called the nice lady named Aunt Rosemary that works for Aunt Doktor Dugan and said "Rosemary, what will we do? Jimmy's got the poops and makin' lotsa vomit. Who can help us?" Well, Aunt Rosemary knowed just what to do...she said "Oh my goodness! We can't let Jimmy have the poops! Dr. Moon will take care of Jimmy right away!" So mommy stuffed me in the carrier and we went to see some man named Moon. Dang...he was real real real nice. He really liked my nose! He didn't even make fun of me like mommy does! Now, I gots to say, he did squeeze my stuff a little bit more than I can say I 'preciated. I mean, I am a man after all...not many manly men like me like to have their stuff squeezed by another man...'specially in front of their mommy! And...even worser, he sticked a thermomomatater up my you know what! Now that really was not okay. But, he told mommy that I was probably okay...whatever ickiness was in my insides had probably moved on out. So...hopefully, I won't blow myself across the room the next time I gots to go poop.
And...guess what??? In just 2 months, I have gained 3 and 1/2 pounds of pure Jimmy Goodness! I weigh 10.5 pounds!!! I ain't the littlest squirt in the house no more! Unkle Doktor Moon says I am now officially a big strappin' man!
Yep...this has been one big ole humdinger of a day.
Very Truly Yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III
Hi. This is Jimmy speakin'. I have received lotsa emails askin' why my name is Jimmy Durante. Mommy tells everybody that I gots me a big nose. But when people see my pikchurs, they think she is fibbin' 'cause I look so dang cute. Well, since I'm in the public eye, I try to finds me my "good" side. I don't always let peoples see my big honkin' nose. For the sake of my public, I thoughts I would let you all see my big schnoz. Here it is in all it's big honkin' glory:
And, see, my mouf don't close...ever...cause Aunt Doktor Dugan says I gots me an overbite...whatever that is. See...here's my sexy mouf...makes you want to kiss me right on the lips, don't it?
So now you can say you know why my name is Jimmy Durante Graves III.
Very truly yours,
Jimmy D.
I am so dang proud of myself! Mommy said I have winned a award! She said I have been named The Best Dang Gas Passer in the Whole Wide World! Dang! That's B-I-G, people!
See, I have worked hard to perfect my gas passin' skills...if you pick me up - I'll pass a little gas...if you scratch my ears - I'll pass a little gas...if you rub my tummy - I'll pass a little gas...I think you git the gist of what I'mma sayin'. I know how happy it makes mommy when I show off my skills...she 'specially likes it when I lay down next to her, put my butt up close to her face and then let 'er rip!
I'm just so glad that I can make my mommy happy and git recognized around the world!
Very truly yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III
The Worlds Best Dang Gas Passer
Hi. This is Jimmy a speakin'. Just to refresh your memory...I am cute. VERY cute. Mommy says I'm so cute that she wants to chew on me. I am growin' up real fast now that I'mma gitten access to the Graves Fancy Feets All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. Mmmm....Fancy Feets. Life is mighty good.
Plus...in the 3 weeks that I've lived here, I have developed quite a gift with the ladies in this house...at least until mommy comes in and spoils it for us! See, ALL the girls like me. Even LUCY!!! I git all kinds of kisses, head butts, tummy baths and all kinds of other things that I cannot discuss in mixed company...I'm gentleman, ya'll. I ain't a gonna tell what goes on between me and the womens in this house.
As this photo demonstrates...I gots it good! Me and Fergie had a little hot action a goin' on...until mommy walked in and disturbed us. I mean, can't a man git just a little privacy around this place?
Then Fergie started gittin' all upset 'cause mommy was a takin' piktures of us when we was a cuddlin'...she says it's not ladylike for a proper lady such as herself to have these kinds of piktures floatin' 'round on the innernets. She doesn't want to be like Britney, Paris or Lindsey. Stupid ol' mommy...do you have to spoil all our fun?
Hi. This is Jimmy a speakin'. I love my new family. Here's summa the reasons why:
I is real happy!
Very truly yours,
Jimmy D. Graves III
