Whiskers & Purrs

We Gots Into Trouble!

Dear Peoples on the Innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'.  We is in trouble.  Dang.  See, every night all of us cats cuddle up with mommy.  She thinks it's 'cause we wanna be with her and snuggle with her...well...that ain't 'zactly right.  See, we knows that as soon as mommy goes to sleep, we can play and do all them things she tells us not to do...'cause what mommy don't know won't hurt her...or us, right?  So we do everything we can to encourage her to go to the sleepy man's house and snooze!

Well, last night was just like all them other ones.  Mommy got into bed, turned the TV on and started nittin'.  She don't like us playin' with the strings she uses.  In fact, believe it or not, she fusses at us when we try to chew on or play with her strings!  That don't 'zactly seem right to us and it makes us mad, but that's a whole other story for another day.  Anyways...we did our usual purrin' and headbuttin' and snugglin' up next to her in the hopes she would go on to sleeps...IT WORKED!  See, mommy sleeps like a dead person and don't hear nothin'.  So, we can swing from the chandeliers if we want and she will never know it!  And, let me tell you, last night was one fine party at the Whiskers & Purrs house!  Dang...we breaked out the nip and everything! 

This mornin' when mommy waked up, we heard "WHAT IN THE WORLD!  WHO DID THIS???" bein' screamed from her bedroom...somebody must've gotted themselves over the Nip Legal Limit and went plum crazy.  All them strings that mommy had been nittin' was a big ol' fuzzy mess.  It was very dramatical.  She is real real REAL mad.  She said she was sure it was me, Jimmy and Freddy 'cause we is "always doin' stuff like this"...uh, 'xcuse me...ain't everybody innoncent until proved guilty??? 

We just all meeted unnerneath the dinin' room table.  We have decided that the best thing is to stay outta her way all day, but if we gots to run into mommy, we gots to look real pitiful and cute.  Oh, and we gots to purr real loud any time we see her.  That always gits her.

I wonner if any other kitties git into trouble like we do...if you have any suggestions as to how we can manage our mommy better, please let us know.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

Great Balls Of Fire!

Hi to everybody on the innernets.  This is Felix a speakin'.  I'm mad.  Very mad.  Mommy has decided she ain't real sure if I have been neutered or not.  See, I just showed up one day...you can learn more about my arrival here.  Of course mommy taked me to the vetroregurgitarian.  Aunt Doktor Dugan wasn't in that day and another vetroregurgitarian gived me an examination.  She said that I had already had my very extra special private place operated on and that I had been "fixed"...whatever that means.  That was 2 1/2 years ago people!  Now mommy has decided that she just ain't real sure...she rudely walked in on me and Fergie do the big IT yesterday...Hubba Hubba!

First of all, can a man and a woman git some privacy?  I mean really people.  This is ridikilous.  Just 'cause me an Fergie got a little somethin' somethin' goin' on don't mean it's anybody's business...that means you, too, mommy!  And, mommy's been goin' round tryin' to look at my stuff and compare it to the other boys in the house that she knows for sure have been operated on...how could you embarrass me like that, mommy???  There's just no comparison.  I'm the big studly man in this house.  Maybe my balls growed back...did you ever think about that?  You know I drive the girls wild.  Do you really think you could compare me to say, The Senator?  Jimmy?  PUHLEEEZE!  Don't be messin' with my stuff, mommy.  I don't find this to be very amusin'.

I'm just flat out mad.  I ain't sure I'm ever gonna speak to you again...at least until it's time for supper.

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

Strike Two For Coco

Hi.  This is Coco speakin'...uh, I think I'm in trouble...BAD trouble.  See, early this mornin', some man came to the house.  He was workin' on some stuff and makin' lots and lots of noise.  He kept goin' up and down the stairs and movin' stuff around.  He talked real loud and slammed stuff around a lot.  He skeerd me 'cause I knowed he ain't supposed to be here.

So...I decided to find me a hidin' place.  See, I'm real real good at findin' hidin' places.  I did it one time before, too.  You can click here to read all 'bout my big adventure.  Mommy don't necessarily appreciate my hidin' place findin' skills...in fact, she starts to cry when I'm practicin' my skills.  That's just weird, people.

Anyways, back to the story.  So I found a place nobody would ever find me and went sound asleep.  It was nice and quiet and cozy.  In fact, I sleeped so long that I missed supper!  Dang...that was some good sleepin' a goin' on!  It was real real late...about midnight.  Mommy was a goin' to bed and realized she hadn't seen me since real early this mornin'.  She started thinkin' and was afraid the man that came to work on the house had let me out...

One minute I was snoozin' and the next thing I knowed, mommy was cryin'.  I couldn't see her but I sure could hear her.  I heard the front door open and close 'bout a jillion times.  Mommy was goin' up and down the steps...she keeped a callin' "Coco...where are you..."  I could hear her callin' my name outside, too.  Now tell me, why on earth would she be lookin' for me on the outside???  I'm real embarrassed 'cause all them neighbors we gots must think mommy is plum crazy walkin' 'round in the dark at 1:00 in the mornin', in her night gown, callin' for me. 

When she finally had given up, she noticed that Felix and Georgie and Henry and Elizabeth Taylor was all sniffin' round this real fancy thing called a chaise lounge.  It's in our spare bedroom and me and all my brothers and sisters LOVE to sleep on it...see they don't know the super-secret trick that I know...I know how to git down inside of it.  Oooohhh, it's so cozy and nobody knows where you is!

So, when mommy sawed all the cats sniffin', she knowed that was where I was.  She turned the fancy chaise lounge upside down and saw the hole I had cut into the bottom of it.  DANG...now my secret is out!

Mommy was cryin' and callin' me a hairy little sunuvabich.  I wonder what that means?  I ain't sure but I think it means she was glad to see me.

Now my big adventure is over, it's time for a nap.

Yours truly, the hairy little sunuvabich in the Graves House,
Mademoiselle Coco Chanel

Uh Oh...Tinkles Are Everywhere...

Hi.  This here is Felix and Coco a speakin'.  We mights be in just a little bits of trouble.  We went on a tinklin' spree...and mommy finded outs about it.  Ooopsies!  Mommy's a gonna talk with Aunt Dawn this mornin' before she leaves us for 9 whole days...she's a hopin' Aunt Dawn can maybe help us...we'll see...

The Tinklin' King Himself...Felix the Magical Cat

Her Majesty, Coco the Queen of Tinkles

I'm In Trouble

Hi.  This is Coco a speakin'.  I gots into troubles today.  Mommy is mad.  See...Aunt Sally and Unkle John come to our house today.  They gived us some real cool furniture...ahhh...more stuff for us to skratch!!!  Mommy had the responsibility of makin' sure all of us kids was in her bedroom with the door closed so that when they was a bringin' in the furniture, me and all my brothers and sisters wouldn't be tempted to sneak outta the door.  Mommy was a bad mommy today...she didn't put us in the room like she knowed she should.  See...we've been a tellin' ya'll that we is neglekted.  If this doesn't convince you, then nothin' will.

So, anyways...Aunt Sally and Unkle John delivered the furniture.  Mommy was real excited.  She spended lots of time this mornin' lookin' at the new stuff...just a "oooh'n and ahh'n".  Then, she went to yarn store buyed more yarn...what a surprise...mommy likes to play with strings more than we do!  When she came home, she started playin' with the strings and made some hats for this little girl:  Ellie  It was about 3:00 when she realized..."Hey, I ain't seen Coco all afternoon..."...She keeped playin' with her strings and then she started to walk through the house to look for me...she looked upstairs, downstairs, unnerneath the beds, in the closets...she even looked inside the dryer!...but there was no ME!..After about 45 minutes, she started to git skeered...what if Coco had gotten out when the door was open???  It would be all of her fault 'cause she's a neglektful mommy...

She called Aunt Sally...and said "Aunt Sally, I can't find Coco...what do I do???"  She went outside and looked unnerneath bushes...really, now mommy, as if I would aktually hide unnerneath a bush!...She talked to our neighbors and asked if they had seen me...they promised to let her know if they saw me...By the way, Mommy, I'm pritty sure everybody on our street thinks you is nuts.  You should just stay in the house and lay low for a while until they forgit what a nut job you is.  Anyways, back to this excitin' story...by this time, mommy was cryin' pritty hard.  She started feelin' real bad 'bout all them times she fussed at me for dumb stuff...ya know, like when I breaked the lamp and knocked some stuff over.  I mean, really mom, what was you a thinkin'?  And, all the times she fussed at me for a tryin' to kill Mazie Grace...what are little sisters for 'cept to torture 'em a little bit...I ain't never caused her to bleed or nuffin...it really ain't that bad.  Mommy really should feel guilty... 

She keeped a lookin' unnerneath the beds but she couldn't find me...I almost started to feel real sorry for her 'cause she was a cryin' pretty hard...all the other cats kept walkin' up to her and givin' her headbutts.  It didn't help...she keeped a cryin'.  She decided to git down on the floor and aktually climb unnerneath the bed with a flashlight.  Ya know, mommy's back has been hurtin' a lot lately...once she got down in the floor, I wasn't sure she'd git up again...She started shinin' the light all around...and guess what???  She found me!  HaHa!!!  I was hidin' inside the box spring.  DANG...busted!  She was cryin' and fussin' at me all at the same time!  She called me a few names that I ain't sure is so nice...especially when she was tryin' to git up from unnerneath the bed...dang...I ain't sure what "you little sunovabich" means...it don't sound friendly. 

I have to be honest and say I've been a layin' low this evenin'...mommy is pretty aggrivated with me 'cause I skeered her so bad...But, even though she's mad at me, now I know wiffout a doubt that mommy loves me and I am real important to her...that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my insides.

Thanks for lovin' me, mommy...even if I am a little sunovabich!

Uh Oh...We Gots Some Trouble Here!

Uh, I think we gots ourselves some trouble here.  See, last week, we decided to re-range the dining room.  When mommy came home, she undid all of our hard work.  So, that made us mad.  This mornin' we decided to re-range it all again.

Well...things got a little outta hand.  This picture shows you what happened...

We is gonna be in SOOOoo much trouble when mommy gits home.  We caused the light bulb to break into 'bout a gajillion million pieces.  She always tells to stay away from breaked glass...dang...wonder what's gonna happen to us...

We better think of somethin' fast that'll make mommy feel sorry for us...

We better change the "Mommy Dearest Meter" real real fast before she sees it...

Dang...we might need to look for a new home or somethin'...

Is there anybody out there on the innernets that might be willin' to give us a home in case mommy kicks us out?  We just GOTS to have our Fancy Feast and nip EVERYDAY...HELP!!!

Not Feelin' Good

  Hi everybody. This is Felix speakin'. I ain't feelin' so good today. I'm sick. Mommy is takin' me to see Aunt Dr. Dugan this afternoon. Everybody say a prayer for me...I got the poops and my tummy hurts real real real bad.

Very truly yours,

Felix the Wonder Cat

'Terior Decoratin'

Once again, we ain't bein' treated right.  Mommy is mean.  We worked real real real hard today to make this house look better.  Did mommy 'preciate it?  NO!  She fussed at us for it.  Now I want you to be the judge...take a look at these piktures and see if you don't agree with us that we made things look a WHOLE LOT BETTER!

Here's how the dinin' room (that nobody has EVER dined in) looked when mommy leaved the house this mornin':

As soon as mommy leaved, we got to work to put our "stamp" on the place.  It just don't look right like this.  Mazie started scopin' things out since she's our spiritual advisor...whatever that means.  So, we worked and worked and worked and worked.  And here's the masterpiece we come up with:

Don't it look just perfect now???  You won't believe how hard this look was to achieve.  I mean, do you have any idea how hard it was to knock...I mean, place the lamp perfectly on the floor without it tippin' over?  And, we had to git the lampshade off, too...(we also had to keep it away from Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves, III....he still was drunk from last night's NIP and wanted to wear the lampshade on his head!)

I want everybody in the world to know that mommy fussed at us for doin' this.  Now that just ain't right.  A good mommy would never do such a thang. 

Mommy sucks.

Very truly yours,

Anonymous 

I Might Go To Jail

  Hello to everyone in the whole wide world.  My name is Mazie Grace.  I once was blind but now I can see...thanks to Henrico Humane Society, Uncle Dr. Blair and my Aunt Sally & Unka John.  You can see one of my eyes still aint completely right...but...I can see a whole lot better than I used to. 

Mommy says I'm a real interestin' character.  I don't know what that means but I think it means I'm HOT!  Me and Paris Hilton...Hubba Hubba! 

I got into trouble today.  In fact, mommy says I might even go to jail for it.  Dang...See, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to do laundry.  I started doin' laundry when I lived at Aunt Sally & Unka John's house.  It's the funnest thing in the whole wide world to do.  I like to drag socks, undies, t-shirts, bags, toys and just about anything else you can imagine to the water dish.  I dunk stuff in and out, in and out, and in and out until it's clean.  Mommy comes home and says she never knows what she might find in the water dish...socks, her granny panties, toilet paper...you name it...I've washed it! 

So, today Mommy came home from work and I was in the mood to do some laundry.  She was in the kitchen fixin' me and my brothers and sisters some supper.  I decided that I wanted to find somethin' different to wash.  Her pocket book was just layin' there.  So I managed to open it up and pull out a $5 and $10 bill.  $15 seemed like a fair amount to me...so, I put 'em in my mouf and went straight upstairs to the water dish.  I was so busy washin' the money that I didn't even hear her call me to supper.  She knew somethin' was up when I wasn't available to eat my Fancy Feast.  She came lookin' for me and found me hard at work.  She said, "Mazie Grace!  Don't you know that people go to jail for launderin' money???"  Well, of course, I didn't know that.  And, I mean, honestly...who could put me in jail?  Look how cute I am!  Honestly, humans can be so dumb!