Whiskers & Purrs

An Open Letter To Mommy

Dear Mommy,
I'm real tired of how you is always lovin' on Freddy Astaire Graves III.  I know he's cute and all...with his deformed fingers and weird little face and everything.  But...don't forgit 'bout the rest of us.  I don't never git no lovin' anymore...you is always ooohin' and ahhhin' over Freddy.

What's a man gotta do to git you to scratch a belly or a chin every once inna while?  I am so neglected and abused...it just ain't funny.  Do I need to make some vomit to git you to love on me?

If things don't git better 'round here, I just might haffta make other 'rangements for gittin' a mommy that will appreciate me for the wonderfulness that I am.  I'm sure there is lots of peoples on the innernets that would love to have me as their little boy. Just think 'bout that for a minute or two and then see if you can't find some time to come scratch my stuff.

Very truly yours,
Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie

I've Gotta Little Secret...

  So, today mommy came home from work early.  She rushed into the house and started scoopin' our poop boxes and kleanin' stuff up.  She didn't even say hello to any of us.  She taked out the trash and sweeped the kitchen floor...and didn't even take time to skratch any of our stuff.  What kind of a mommy would do that???...Specially since it's only 'cause of us that she gits to live in this grand cat hair palace!

Well, after she kleaned everything she pulled out her little red suitcase.  THAT'S ALWAYS A REAL BAD SIGN, PEOPLE!  She opened it up and then started fillin' it up with stuff.  At one point, she went downstairs to get somethin' outta the dryer.  Again, she walked right by me and didn't rub nothin, scratch nothin' or even kiss nothin'.  As you might 'magine, I had had 'bout enough.  So...I jumped up on the bed and sniffed around the suitcase a little.  All of her clothes smelled real real clean and fresh...but they didn't smell nothin' like me.  So...I thought I had better make sure that her clothes smelled just like me so she wouldn't forgit me and also send her a reminder that me and all of my brothers and sisters are her boss...so...I took just a little tinkle right on top of her clothes.  That way, when she gets to Philadelphia and opens up her suitcase, she'll be reminded of how much love she's a missin' and also...maybe feel just a little guilty for ignorin' us today.

Mommy, we have talked about this before...when are you ever gonna learn???

Anonymous

Mommy Weared Purrfume To Work Today!

All day yesterday, mommy worked on her "work" stuff...ya know, the kinda work she does that she says helps her pay for all of our Fancy Feast.  Usually on Sundays, mommy sleeps real late with us.  Usually there's at least 7 or 8 of us snoozin' on the bed with her.  But yesterday morning, she got up early and started cleanin' the house.  She was makin' LOTTSA noise.  It was very disturbitatin' to our rest.  So that was strike nummer one.

Then, instead of takin' a nice long snoozey kinda nap, she started workin' on her "lap top"...whatever that thing is...all I know is that she fusses at me when I walk 'cross the keys.  HISS.  I remember the days when I, ME, JUST ME, was her "lap top"!  So let's see if we gots this straight:  Lottsa noise = strike one.  No snoozey nap + workin' all day on the "lap top" = strike two.  Things ain't lookin' good for mommy.

So then last night we all thought she would lay on the couch and kiss us and rub our tummies.  Well, somehow, and I really don't know how, she was able to IGNORE US ALL NIGHT LONG!  She worked some more on the "lap top".  And, when she was done workin' on the "lap top", she started playin' with some string...she calls it "nittin'", I call it a mess.  So..that would be STRIKE THREE.

So, last night when mommy was playin' with the strings, I decided I had had 'nuff. I made the 'zecutive decision to take action and make a statement.  So...when she wasn't lookin', I climbed into the clothes basket that had her freshly cleaned clothes folded all nice and all, and I tinkled to my heart's content.  Let's just say that the statement I made had an EXCLAMATION MARK after it!  TeeHee!!!

This mornin' mommy got up extra-super-early.  She 'poligized and said she had to be "in the office" real early.  She was in a big hurry and she got dressed real fast.  She weared a pair of pants from the closet, a shirt from the clothes basket <TEEHEE> and a sweater from the drawer...She rushed into her office and started workin'.  She thought to herself..."Dang, somebody has BO!"...And, as the day wore on, the BO became worse...and, it just seemed to follow her wherever she went!  She even asked one of the ladies she works with, "Do you smell that awful smell in the office?  Do you think somethin' died in here?"...

So mommy came home and started to put on her jammies.  She realized that she could still smell the BO..."Dang, this is worse than cigarette smoke from a bar!", she thought to herself.  As she was takin' her shirt off, she got a good whiff of somethin...and then she looked at her shirt...it had a nice yellow stain on the back of it!  TEEHEE!  THAT WAS MY TINKLES, MOMMY!!!

Mommy, poor, not-so-very-smart, mommy...please don't make me work so hard again to git your attention!!!

Love and purrs,

Anonymous