Whiskers & Purrs

UPDATE: Felix's Trip to the Vet

Dear everybody on the innernets,

This is Felix speakin'.  Before I say anything, I wants to tell you how much I appreciate all them nice well wishes y'all sent me yesterday.  Gosh...I feel so lucky to have so many nice friends.

Well, I spended the whole day with Aunt Doktor Davies.  It was good to see her again...I sure do like her...I akchewally spend lotsa time givin' her head butts when I'm there.  She speaks "Cat" so I can communicate with her real good.

Everything went okay while I was there.  She didn't violate any of my rules.  I did have to put the bitey on her once, though.  It was only a Level 1 Bitey, though.  In case you don't unnerstand Bitey Levels, here's how they work and what they mean:

1. Bitey - Level 1:  I have had enough of what you is doin' to me and will ask you nicely to stop it.  I will ask you nicely only once.  After that, you is in troubles.
2. Bitey - Level 2:  I have one nerve left and you is standin' on it.  Back-off and leave me alone, dang it.  You is treadin' dangerous waters.
3. Bitey - Level 3:  You need to call the Red Cross right now and git a couple of units of blood sent over...I am going to bite the bejeezuz outta you and claw you to shreds.

Since Aunt Doktor Davies speaks "cat" she unnerstood and stopped squeezin' on stuff I didn't want her squeezin' on.

She drained some of my blood out and played with it...she said she was testin' it.  That don't make no kinda sense to me...can't she ask it test questions when it's still in me?  Why does she have to drain it out?  Anyways, she said because I'm on a high dose of steroids, I'm kinda borderline diabetic.  But, it's not bad at all.  So that's all good.  Basically, we is gonna keep everything just the same as the last month and see if my pooper don't git a lot better.  Mommy will be givin' me the same medicine, same amount of kissin' and lovin' and watchin' my poop like a hawk!  Aunt Doktor Davies telled mommy to not let me eat dry food...so...you guessed it!  It's Fancy Feets all day, every day for the next month!  YAHOO!!!  In case you was wonnerin', this is one of the advantages of havin' a broken pooper!  Mmmm...Fancy Feets!

That's it for now.  Oops...gotta go poop.

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

Please Say A Prayer For Felix the Magical Cat

Hi everybody on the innernets.  This is Elsie Fallulah speakin'.  I just wanted to tell y'all that, if you've got a spare minute, we sure would appreciate it if you peoples would say a prayer for Felix.  Today he's gots to go back to see Aunt Doktor Davies for her to check him out and see how he is doin'.  We is all still a little worried.  He's better in some ways...for 'zample, he don't cry out in pain no more.  But, in a some ways, he's still the same.  He's gonna spend the whole day up at VRCC gittin' a physical, blood work and somethin' called ultrasound to see into his insides.

I'mma gonna sit right here and say prayers all day long until he comes back. 

Very truly yours,
Elsie Fallulah Graves

Boogers is gonna happen...git over it.

Hi.  This is Freddie Astaire Graves III speakin'.  Mommy gots mad at me yesterday and I don't think it's fair.  She came home after spendin' the whole day playin' with that person named "Work".  She had played so hard at Work's house that she was all tired and cranky.  She fixed herself some supper and, of course, I had to inspect it and make sure it didn't have no poison in it AND make sure it wasn't somethin' I wanted to slurp and lick and snack on.  See, mommy don't particularly like it when I do my inspections.  She just don't seem to unnerstand that I'mma doin' this for her own good.  She's pritty ungrateful about it, to tell you the truth.  Well, she had fixed everything and had turned her back to do somethin' at the sink.  So, I figured I'd do my investigatin' when she wasn't lookin'...what mommy don't know, won't hurt her, right?

So, I jumped up on the table and carefully sniffed and licked and sampled her suppers...just as she turned around, unfortunately I had me a Booger Attack.  You know, all 12 of us have gots the boogers.  Sometimes them mean ol' boogers hit you and you just gotsta sneeze.  So...just when mommy saw me samplin'...I mean, inspectin' her supper I had to make a big ol' sneezie.  She fussed and fussed and fussed at me.  And then, she throwed her plate of supper into the garbage disposal thingy that makes a big loud skeery noise.  There is people starvin' in China and mommy throwed that perfectly good plate of supper away!!!  That's just wrong, people.  I don't particularly think it was a big deal but mommy sure did git herself upset.  I just don't git it...boogers is gonna happen...boogers is a part of life.  Just git over it, mommy.

Very truly yours,
Freddy Astaire Graves III

Miss Elizabeth Taylor: Oops! She Did It Again!

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that papparrazzi recently snapped photos of Miss Elizabeth Taylor engaged in a salacious act in public with Mr. Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie. 

Sources close to the investigation state "Dang...there ain't nothin' she won't do in front of God and everybody! Miss Elizabeth Taylor is one wild girlcat.  It sure is a good thing she ain't got her no kittens...the police would've taked them babies away by now if she did!"  The enbattled celebrity, recently having a very public battle with an addiction to nip and struggling to control anger issues which led to a recent arrest, continues to publicly ignore pleas from her family to seek help.

When asked for comment, Taylor's only statement was: "I love me my boys and my nip...I ain't givin' either one of 'em up!  Leave me alone, dang it!"  Miss Taylor's life appears to be spiraling out of control.  CNN contacted Taylor's mommy for comment.  She released the following brief statement: "Only time will tell the fate of my beautiful daughter."

CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

Mrs. Cranky Crankerson

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Elsie Fallulah speakin'.  I would just like to say that I hope all of y'all had a real good weekend while I was at home feelin' real real REAL bad.  I gots me lots of boogers...mommy says it's an upper respiratory infection.  Felix gots it first...then 7 more of us gots it.  Then the last remainin' 4 of us gots it.  Our whole house has now gots the boogers.  I am real tired of not bein' able to breathe.  Since I can't smell nothin', I ain't been eatin' my foods so...mommy has been syringe feedin' me...now let me tell you - that ain't no kinda fun.  It really upsets me...a lot.  Tell me what kinda person would enjoy havin' their supper squirted down their throat! 

Like Georgie said last week...boogers ain't no kinda fun.  Them boogers...they just ain't your friend.

Very truly yours,
Elsie Fallulah Graves

BREAKING NEWS: Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves Actually Uses the Litter Box

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III (D-VA) has actually used the litterbox instead of taking a whizz on the floor.  Sources close to the Senator told CNN "Dang...I've lived here since December and I ain't never seen Henry use the litter box.  He usually just let's 'er rip wherever he is and mommy hasta come clean it up.  Dang...this has me a little spooked!  Maybe the world is gonna end...I'm skeerd!"

Local papparrazzi caught Graves in the litter box around 3:45 pm.  Upon realizing he was being photographed, the Senator high-tailed it out of the box as fast as he could.

Graves has a long history of battling his mommy regarding litterbox issues.  Stating that he prefers to "do my thinkin' outsida the box", Graves has found very creative avenues to express himself: mommy's pillow, mommy's clothes, the water bowl, the bottom of the stairs, smack-dab in front of the door, etc.  Today's development in the bathroom habits of the Senator could signal a change in his policy and possibly a switch in parties.  CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.

My Secret Revealed...by Mrs. Lilly White

To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  Well, I know y'all are all wonnerin' what my big secret is.  I think maybe I have keeped you all in suspense far too long already.  It's just that I am so excited and a little bit overwhelmed with the responsibility of what's 'bout to happen.

See, y'all all know that I am a very much a lady. I just find the delicate and proper things in life captivatin'.  I have lotsa peoples I look up to, but I think my most favoritist is...Ms. Martha Stewart.  Oh, I just have to tell you, she is the most wonnerful ladylike person ever.  Now I know she did time in the Big House, but, it just goes to show you that us ladies can sometimes make mistakes.  She made her mistake and paid her debt to society so git over it.  Please do not mention that horrible time in Martha's life to me again...it gits me real upset.

'Cause I admire her so much, I wanna be just like her (minus the trip to the Big House)...so...after much thoughts and considerations, I is gonna have my own magazine!!!  Ain't that just the most wonnerfulist thing ever?  My magazine will be called Mrs. Lilly White Purring much like the Martha Stewart Living magazine.  Each month it will be packed with articles 'bout how to be crafty, fine dinin' recipes, how-to's on lotsa things and home decoratin' stuff...everything you need to know to keep your purr box purrin'.  There mights even be some dramatical stuff in it, too...just depends on how I'mma feelin'.  Maybe I'll have me some guest contributators 'cause I gots me so many friends on the innernets. Oh, and of course my 11 brothers and sisters will contribute every once inna while. 

This magazine will be based on the innernets.  I will debut my first issue on March 13, 2008.  That's a very important date in our family and we wants to share it with you.  We'll tell you more 'bout that as we gits closer to the big day.  We'll be havin' a launch party so be sure to mark your calendars!!!

I can hardly wait to start sharin' all my crafty/homey/purry wisdom with you all.  As my Martha would say, "It's a good thing."

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Secrets

Hi.  This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  Thanks for all the emails and comments yesterday 'bout my secret...it's still a secret, though.  I ain't ready to tell y'all 'bout it yet. 

It's not 'bout no boy cat...I already got me one of them.  Me and Felix are boyfriend and girlfriend.  Now, I gots to share him with all them other girl cats in the house but I know he likes me the bestest. 

And, my secret ain't 'bout springtime, sunshine, Fancy Feast or belly rubs...it's even betterer than all them things put together.

Maybe I will tell you on Sunday...I gots to go back to dreamin' 'bout my secret.

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Daydreamin'....

Hi.  This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'.  I'mma daydreamin' 'bout somethin' wonnerful.  I ain't gonna tell you what it is 'cause itsa a secret...I know you wanna know what it is...maybe I'll tell you tomorrow...I can tell you that it don't involve panties or nip...I'm tired of hearin' 'bout that.  No...I is daydreamin' 'bout somethin' real nice and ladylike.

Now, back to my daydream...ahhhh....

Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Another Wild Night

RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that local papparrazzi snapped several photos of Miss Elizabeth Taylor enjoying the company of several different men all in one evening last night.  She was first spotted cavorting with Mr. Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie and then, later in the evening, she was spotted holding paws with Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III.  Taylor was then spotted displaying public affection for Felix the Magical Cat in the window of her mommy's bedroom.

The enbattled celebrity, recently having a very public battle with an addiction to nip and struggling to control anger issues which led to a recent arrest, continues to publicly ignore pleas from her family to seek help.

Taylor's mommy issued the following statement this morning, "I am very concerned for my daughter and am fearful for her life...I just don't want her to become another Britney Spears.  Miss Elizabeth Taylor, please put your panties on and stop sniffing nip."

While there have been many public pleas for Taylor to re-enter rehab and get treatment, she shows no signs of slowing down or seeking help.  A family member wishing to remain anonymous told CNN "I is so very embarrassed by Miss Elizabeth Taylor...she has turned into a big ol' floozy.  We ain't been raised like that...it's just a big disgrace."  When asked if she'd like to say anything to Taylor, the only comment was "Elizabeth, put your panties on and start bein' a good girl again.  You is makin' all of us look real real REAL bad."

CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information.  Stay tuned for more breaking news.