Whiskers & Purrs

Happiness!

Awesome Graphics at pYzam.com

A Word From Felix The Magical Cat

Hi.  This is Felix speakin'.  Since I am the man of the house and The Big Brother to all of the little cats here, I feel it's real important that I do what big brothers are supposed to do and tell ya'll 'bout what's about to happen...our world is gonna change startin' tomorrow.    Change in a big way.

Now don't be skeered...trust me... It's. All. Good!  See, on Monday mommy bringed home somethin' very special...somethin' most of you little cats might not even have noticed...but I noticed...oh, you bet I noticed...mommy bringed home A. BIG. DEAD. BIRD.  Finally...she did somethin' a mommy is supposed to do!  Every year 'bout this time, she brings home a wunnerful, tastey, dead, big-ass bird.  I just can't 'magine how in the world she was able to kill it.  Not only does she kill it but she gits rid of all of its feathers and feets and everything!  It is ready-to-eat-deliciousness in a bag!

Tomorrow mornin', mommy becomes a different person...she won't be the mommy you is used to.  She will git all Martha-Stewarty and start bangin' pots and pans in the kitchen.  I ain't sure what that's all about...I think it's some kinda weird freaky ritual or somethin' 'cause she does it every year...It's like she goes into some far-away trance...no matter what you do, you will not be able to git her attention.  And, now THIS IS REAL IMPORTANT SO READ IT CLOSE:  Do not even think 'bout jumpin' on any of them counters in the kitchen.  Mommy's eyes will be all glassy and she will completely freak out on you if you go near the pots and pans bein' banged around.  So, do yourself a favor and stay outta the kitchen.  It's skeery in there for little peoples like yourself...especially the first time you witness it.  She will start mumblin' to herself and she will be all glassy-eyed.  But don't be 'fraid.  It won't last forever...

After 'bout eleventy-five hours of the pan-bangin' and mumblin', you will hear the oven door open...ahhh...that's a sign of good things to come.  When that happens, mommy will start to come out of her haze.  Now it's still not safe to go near her...she will go from the "cookin' phase" to the "cleanin' up phase"...ya'll know what she's like when she starts cleanin'...ain't nothin' or nobody safe 'round her.  So...stay unnerneath one of the beds.

When she goes into the "cleanin'-up phase", you will magically start to smell the most heavenly smell in the world...trust me, ain't nothin' like the smell of a big dead bird in the oven.  It will drive you wild.  But...even though you will be tempted, DO NOT GO INTO THE KITCHEN.  Remember, mommy will still be in the "cleanin' up phase" and still a little glassy-eyed.   

After 'bout another eleventy-five hours, the worst will be over.  You will hear the oven door open again.  At that point, for little squirts like you, the smell of the big dead bird might just cause you to completely freak out.  Try to git ahold of yourselfs.  She will pull the big dead bird outta the oven and sit it on the stove.  REMEMBER:  DO NOT GO NEAR IT.  Even though she will be outta her trance, she can very quickly go back into it and, trust me, YOU DO NOT WANNA SEE THAT UGLINESS.  Control yourselves.

Now don't git skeerd...she will pull out a big skeery-lookin' knife.  She will start cuttin' up the big dead bird.  It will take her just about FOREVER, but...she will cut it up into 'bout a jillion pieces.  By that time, you will be tired of bein' patient.  It's okay to start fussin' at mommy at this point.  Just make sure she has put the knife down...I wouldn't want any kind of bad accidents a happenin'...

Finally, after all the dead bird cuttin' is done, she will be back to her old self.  She'll call out to us, "Who's Hungry?"...that's your signal to git your freak on and meow and purr as loud as you can.

She will put down a plate of cut-up big dead bird for each of us.  Life will be good.

After tomorrow, we will be in what is called "THE HOLIDAY SEASON"...for the next month...our lives will not be the same.  I do not have time to go into all of the details today...I will edukate you all on what to xpect soon...in the mean time, please rest up for tomorrow...maybe even sniff a little nip to help you calm your nerves.  It's gonna be a big day so try to git yourself ready.

Very Truly Yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

Jimmy Visits The Man In The Moon

Hi.  This is Jimmy Durante Graves III speakin'.  Today has been a big humdinger of a day.  See, I've had the poops real real real bad for the past 3 days.  Let me tell you...it just ain't been no kinda fun.  It kinda skeers me.  I mean...you might imagine what it's like to nearly blow yourself outta the litter box every time ya gotta go.  Then...'cause I git so skeered, I usually step in it and squeeze it 'tween my toes and that just ain't no kinda fun for any man.  It's embarrassin'.  So, I ain't been feelin' so good and then...I started makin' some big ole steamin' piles of vomit.  Mommy said I looked like somethin' outta the Exorcist...whatever that means.  So, because I'm so dang powerful and important, mommy said "We must go see Aunt Doktor Dugan right away, Jimmy Durante Graves III."

Well, there was only one problem...Aunt Doktor Dugan don't work on Tuesdays.  Dang...I would have to go and git myself sick on a Tuesday now wouldn't I?  So, mommy called the nice lady named Aunt Rosemary that works for Aunt Doktor Dugan and said "Rosemary, what will we do?  Jimmy's got the poops and makin' lotsa vomit.  Who can help us?"  Well, Aunt Rosemary knowed just what to do...she said "Oh my goodness!  We can't let Jimmy have the poops!  Dr. Moon will take care of Jimmy right away!"  So mommy stuffed me in the carrier and we went to see some man named Moon.  Dang...he was real real real nice.  He really liked my nose!  He didn't even make fun of me like mommy does!  Now, I gots to say, he did squeeze my stuff a little bit more than I can say I 'preciated.  I mean, I am a man after all...not many manly men like me like to have their stuff squeezed by another man...'specially in front of their mommy!  And...even worser, he sticked a thermomomatater up my you know what!  Now that really was not okay.  But, he told mommy that I was probably okay...whatever ickiness was in my insides had probably moved on out.  So...hopefully, I won't blow myself across the room the next time I gots to go poop.

And...guess what???  In just 2 months, I have gained 3 and 1/2 pounds of pure Jimmy Goodness!  I weigh 10.5 pounds!!!  I ain't the littlest squirt in the house no more!  Unkle Doktor Moon says I am now officially a big strappin' man!

Yep...this has been one big ole humdinger of a day.

Very Truly Yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III

The Magic Blanket

A couple of weeks ago, mommy went shoppin'.  She come back home with a big bag full of stuff.  Of course we had to 'vestigate it all.  When we first snooped in the big bag, we couldn't figure it all out.  Mommy taked the big bag of stuff upstairs and in a few minutes she pulled out a magical blanket...it had scary lookin' wires and control doo hickeys hooked to it.  It sorta made us skeerd.  But mommy worked real hard and, 'fore we knowed it, she had the magic blanket on our bed.  She punched a couple of buttons on the control doo hickeys and then walked away.

Well, of course we had to inspect this new magic blanket.  I mean, you just never know when a magic blanket ain't right so we had to give it our seal of approvals.  One by one we all jumped up on the bed...and then....that's when the magic happened!  The bed was all warm and cozy and snoozy.  One by one we just all falled over and started wigglin' on our backs.  I don't think Fergie has actually left the magic blanket one time since mommy bringed it to the house. 

Magic blankets are the best dang blankets in the whole wide world.

Very Truly Yours,
The Whiskers & Purrs Gang

Hello To Our Cowafornya Friends

Hi.  We gots some friends we ain't never meeted before.  They live in Cowafornia.  They is real nice peoples...all of 'em was once homeless and, just like us, they decided to come in offa the streets and rescue some humans that needed the perfikt touch of a feline. 

This here is Oscar...'member him?  You can read all about Oscar and how Angel Lucy helped him find his way home to Aunt Connie and Unka Brian's house here.  Oscar is now a very happy man 'cause he finally made it to his forever home.  He really likes Unka Brian and Unka Brian really likes him, too...it's just a regular love fest every dang day in that house! Yes, Oscar has tinkled here and there around the house...but...there just ain't nothin' wrong with that!  It gives a home that lived-in ambiance.  On the Whiskers & Purrs Cuteness Scale, Oscar is a completely fantubular 10+!

This here is Otis...better known as the Oatman.  He also lives with Aunt Connie and Unka Brian.  He's a hunk of burnin' love...if ya know what we is a talkin' 'bout.  Now, he ain't especially thrilled that Oscar has moved in but he is considerin' gittin' over it.  He's just concerned because he likes to spend his days contemplatin' serious things like how many days until W is outta the big house instead of worryin' if Oscar is gittin' more attention than him.  He says he's ready to let go of his aggrivation with Oscar and git on with the finer things in life like nip enjoyment and belly rubs.  On the Whiskers & Purrs Cuteness Scale, we'd have to say he's a 10+...just check out this pose!  HUBBA HUBBA!

Oh, and here's Otis waitin' on Santa Claws to git here...uh, Otis, you is just a little bit early on that one...

And, this is Patty The Workin' Girl.  She is one busy chick.  She never leaves the office!  I mean, I just don't know how Aunt Connie and Aunt Candace could keep the business goin' with out Patty...she is full of hotness and on the Whiskers & Purrs Cuteness Scale, she's also a 10+...let's hear a little "HUBBA HUBBA" from all the boys on the innernets...  Oh, and by the way, that's Aunt Candace...I just can't unnerstand why she puts all that stuff in Patty's way on Patty's desk.  You'd think she thinks that it's her desk!

Now, this is Nat...uh, Nat is just flat out full of supreme hotness.  She truly is a woman of the new millenium and doesn't feel the need to pursue a career like Patty.  She says she does not have to prove anything to anyone so she enjoys stayin' home, poopin' outside of the box sometimes and keepin' Aunt Candace busy unnerstandin' that Nat is the boss...them dang humans...it's hard to discipline them sometimes.   Keep your chin up, girly!

And, finally, this is Miss Rose...uh, Rose is a little bit shy and preferred to keep her beauty to herself.  Just know that on the Whiskers & Purrs Cuteness Scale, Rose is a  foxy 10+.  We love ya, Miss Rose!

To all of our friends in Cowafornya and the humans they rescued, have a dead-bird filled Thanksgivin'!

Very truly yours,

The Whiskers & Purrs Kids

BREAKING NEWS: Paparazzi Snap Photo of Mrs. Lilly White

The usually prim and proper Mrs. Lilly White was caught with her pants down early on Friday morning.  Local paparazzi snapped a rather indiscreet photo of the Doris Day-wannabe.  White, who has touted that she is nothing but a lady and pontificated the benefits of properness, spent the morning lounging on her mommy's bed, just lettin' it all hang out.  When asked for comment on her recent indiscretion, Mrs. White's only response was "Hssssss".

How Mommy Tried To Burn The House Down, by Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

On behalfs of all my brothers and sisters, I want to tell everybody on the innernets that we is real upset.  As you can see from my pikchur, I'm real stressed out.  See, mommy almost burned the house down last night.  Now this just ain't right, people.  I mean, seriously...would somebody please call the police or somethin'?

See, she come home from work last night.  She was real real real tired.  I really can't unnerstand why she's so tired...she says she goes to "work" but I ain't exzagktly sure what "work" she's a doin' 'cause I ain't seen no dead birdies or dead squirrels comin' in for our supper...I mean, that's the kind of work a real mommy would do.  I think somethin' fishy is a goin' on...

Anyways, back to the story...she was real tired.  She did fix our supper before she did anything else...at least she's got her priorities right.  After she fixed us our Fancy Feast, she went to the frigiretator and pulled out a frozen thing for her to eat.  I have to tell you people that she eats some of the nastiest stuff EVER.  GAG ME!  She put the freezed thing in the microwave and punched a buncha buttons.  Then she went upstairs to change clothes and check her email. Well...

About 15 minutes later she realized she was checkin' email and not checkin' her supper...she could smell it a cookin'...In the meantime, me an my brothers and sisters was downstairs chokin' and gaggin' 'cause somethin' was a burnin'!  Yep, you guessed it, mommy's frozen thing was now on fire 'cause she put about a gazillion minutes on it in the microwave instead of the 2 minutes and 15 seconds she was supposed to.

When she opened up the microwave, smoke was a pouring outta the door!  Now our house smells real bad...We shouldn't haffta live like this, people.  It's wrong.  Please, somebody, anybody come rescue us from this neglect and abuse.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

A Reminder From Mrs. Lilly White

Hello to all the people on the innernets.  I just wanted to remind you all that I:

1. Am still exceptionally beautiful
2. Continue to be incredibly intelligent
3. Am very much a lady
4. Still think that makin' poops is the most disgustin', non-ladylike thing a person can do...EVER!

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Very Truly Yours,
Mrs. Lilly White

Snuggled In For Some Cuddlin' On Sunday Mornin'

Hi.  This is Mazie Grace a speakin'.  This mornin' me and Jimmy decided to do some cuddlin'.  Then, Mrs. Lilly White and Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor decided to do some cuddlin'.  There sure was a lot of lickin', purrin' and happiness a goin' on!  Mommy made a video of us gittin' our lovin' on.  I know it's the first time any of our public will git to see us live and in person...please try to contain yourself.  If you listen real close, you can hear some gruntin' goin' on...that's Fergie makin' her Fergie Noises. 

I think you'll be able to see that we is all real happy!
Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

Why My Name Is Jimmy Durante

Hi.   This is Jimmy speakin'.  I have received lotsa emails askin' why my name is Jimmy Durante.  Mommy tells everybody that I gots me a big nose.  But when people see my pikchurs, they think she is fibbin' 'cause I look so dang cute.  Well, since I'm in the public eye, I try to finds me my "good" side.  I don't always let peoples see my big honkin' nose.  For the sake of my public, I thoughts I would let you all see my big schnoz.  Here it is in all it's big honkin' glory:

And, see, my mouf don't close...ever...cause Aunt Doktor Dugan says I gots me an overbite...whatever that is.  See...here's my sexy mouf...makes you want to kiss me right on the lips, don't it?

So now you can say you know why my name is Jimmy Durante Graves III.

Very truly yours,
Jimmy D.