Dear Mommy,
I'm real tired of how you is always lovin' on Freddy Astaire Graves III. I know he's cute and all...with his deformed fingers and weird little face and everything. But...don't forgit 'bout the rest of us. I don't never git no lovin' anymore...you is always ooohin' and ahhhin' over Freddy.
What's a man gotta do to git you to scratch a belly or a chin every once inna while? I am so neglected and abused...it just ain't funny. Do I need to make some vomit to git you to love on me?
If things don't git better 'round here, I just might haffta make other 'rangements for gittin' a mommy that will appreciate me for the wonderfulness that I am. I'm sure there is lots of peoples on the innernets that would love to have me as their little boy. Just think 'bout that for a minute or two and then see if you can't find some time to come scratch my stuff.
Very truly yours,
Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie
