BREAKING NEWS: Miss Elizabeth Taylor Enters Rehab
RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) has just received breaking news that Miss Elizabeth Taylor has entered rehab for an addiction to an unspecified substance. Sources close to Miss Taylor, asking to be kept unidentified, tell CNN that Taylor has a serious addiction to nip. After being released on Monday from the Spare Bedroom Prison, Taylor went on a 24-hour binge of partying and snorting nip. She was found laying on her back with her tail wagging in the breeze and her eyes rolled back in her head.
Taylor was arrested in the early hours of Sunday morning on charges of attempting to kill her blind baby sister, Mazie Grace, and various other acts of terrorism. The Mommy FBI arrived on the scene in the early hours of Sunday morning to find Taylor with her paws wrapped around Mazie Grace's neck and screaming, "I hate you, you little blind buzzard!"
A close relative of Miss Taylor's, preferring to remain anonymous, told CNN, "Dang...Elizabeth Taylor is a wild wild girl. She can snort a whole baggy of nip and then start lookin' for more! She's gots to have it mornin', noon and night! And when she's been nippin'...trust me...she either gits lovey dovey sweet or as evil as the devil. That Elizabeth Taylor is a troubled troubled girl. We is prayin' for her."
CNN asked Taylor's mommy for a comment as she got out of her car to go to work this morning but she declined. She said Taylor would be issuing a statement through her attorney later today. CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information. Stay tuned for more breaking news.
I hope she's going because she really wants help and to get beter; not as a ploy and only for the legal problems she's facing.
Posted by: Sunnys Mommy | February 19, 2008 at 09:56 AM
Oh Miss Elizabeth Taylor . . . I will be purring for you! I never knew you had a problem with the nip.
Posted by: Tybalt | February 19, 2008 at 10:15 AM
Oh dear oh dear. I think we all saw this coming to be honest. I mean, first the stress of dealing with an annoying sibling, secondly a complete lack of support from the human slave and thirdly a spell in the prison room. So I am not surprised in the least. I am however a little worried about the negative publicity this may generate. Please Miss elizabeth, don't do a britney and start being snapped showing your spot 13! xx
Posted by: HRH Yao-Lin | February 19, 2008 at 02:34 PM
Oh dear, another high profile cactress has succumbed to the nip temptation. How sad, I hope she takes rehab seriously.
Posted by: Kellie The Orange Cat | February 19, 2008 at 02:36 PM
Elizabeth is a catniper anonymous! Muahahahaha! Thanks for your visit. You will be welcome to my blog of feline world domination forever!!!
Purrrrrrsssss.
Posted by: Ana | February 19, 2008 at 06:19 PM
Oh, dear, I hope that Miss Elizabeth Taylor will come through all this trouble well. I hope that the booger blowing club hasn't gotten any more members. Get well, all you kitties.
Posted by: Karen Jo | February 20, 2008 at 04:43 AM
Hmmm, this is eerily similar to what happened to our Empress Kukka Maria. Tell me, Miss Taylor, have you been associating with her?
Posted by: The Crew | February 21, 2008 at 03:06 PM