Whiskers & Purrs

Meet the Senator Sunday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III a speakin' and this is Meet the Senator Sunday! Peoples, with all the bad stuff that is goin' on in the world, it's time that we all take a little break...and try to git some enjoyment outs of life.  We all gots to put the blizzards and that hot mess over in Egypt and the troubles in Iraq and the fact that Lindsay Lohan done gone and got herself into more trouble again...yeah, right...you "borrowed" that necklace, Lindsay...behind us.  

Here in the United States, today is Super Bowl Sunday.  Now I ain't quite figgered it all outs yet...I think maybe that Super Bowl Sunday is the day you sit 'round, watchin' TV, eat stuff that ain't no goods for you and burp and scratch your stuff.  

Now the highlight of the evenin' is all them fun TV commercials.  Today I want to share with you the very best TV commercial that has ever been mades...

Mommy gotted to meet them cowboys a long time agos...she said they was tough but...none of 'em could've managed the Whiskers & Purrs Gang.  We is just too tough and wilds...even for cowboys!

And so, my dear peoples, I hope you will sit back, relaxamicate and scratch your stuff...that's what I will be doin'...oh, and thanks to all you wonnerful peoples that are still sayin' prayers for me...I still ain't feelin' so hots after my booger attack last week.  Boogers are hard to git rids of and I am still strugglin' to breathe.  I hope I don't have to go back to the hospitals.  Mommy says I might have to if I don't start breathin' a little betters...I'm bein' a good Senator and takin' all of my medicines...I hope I'll be back to normals soon.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III 

 

Meet the Senator Sunday...Thanksgivin'

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

Today I am takin' a few minutes in the sunshines to reflect on all the things I am thankfuls for...all my womens, nip, mousies, all my peoples, Fancy Feast, my outstandin' abilities to make poop...the list just goes ons and ons and ons.  

I hope you will take a minute today just like me and think 'bout all that YOU gots to be thankfuls for...

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III 

BREAKIN' NEWS!

RICHMOND, Virginia -- Reports of a hostage situation that occurred overnight in the Whiskers & Purrs House have been surfacing on the internet.  Details are sketchy at this time because calls to the W&P House have not been returned.  Sources have confirmed that Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III (D-VA) was held against his will in the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink.  He was released at around 7:00 AM on Sunday.  No injuries have been reported.

A source inside the Whiskers & Purrs compound requesting to be kept anonymous stated "Last night mommy was cleanin' up the kitchen just before it was time to go make sleeps.  Jimmy Durante Graves III had sneaked into the cabinet unnerneath the sink.  Mommy made Jimmy git outs and then...she tied the door knobs shut so the doors couldn't be opened agains...then, when we all waked up after makin' sleeps this mornin', we could hear somebody barkin' like a seal.  Mommy went rushin' downstairs and, sure nuff, there was the Senator, locked inside the cabinet.  Mommy must've not knowed that he was in there when she locked it shut.  She wouldn't lock him in on purpose...well, at least I don't think she would...would she?"

No information has been released on the Senator's condition. He has cancelled his regularly scheduled posting of "Meet the Senator Sunday" for today.  No decision has been made regarding charges in the case. Stay tuned for updates on this case and information on Breaking News.

Meet the Senator Sunday...A message for The Learnin' Channel (TLC)

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III preparing for Thanksgiving

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is Sunday and it's time for Meet the Senator Sunday.  People, I am so disgusterated by the outcome of the recent US election.  I just can't even put it into words.  And, I really need somebody to explain to me why that NITWIT, Sarah Palin, now has her own TV show on TLC...

For those of you that have been Friends of the Gang over the past couple of years, you will remember that last year, me and my family appeared on a National TV Show that was on The Learnin' Channel (TLC).  I just cannot believe that they have now stooped SO low as to put that ignoramus on a National TV Show, too.

So, although it makes me sads, I am now today officially announcin' that I am severin' ALL ties with TLC and will never ever agains appear on their skanky network.  That means NO innerviews, NO special appearances, NO cameos...that's it!   Televisions just ain't big enough for both of us...and if the televisions has decided they want iggernant peoples like Sarah Palin instead of an innelectual political genius such as myself, well, then it's time for me to pack my bags and go.  I am real sads and disappointed...so much so that I feel the need to go pee on somethin'.  

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III 

 

Meet the Senator Sunday: BP Oil Leak SUCKS!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III.  It is now time for Meet the Senator Sunday.  Dear peoples, today I am very sad and mads.  Here's a live feed of what's goin' on way way way down deep in the ocean down in Louisiana.  

Now, peoples, as a very smart and intelligent Senator from the great state of Virginia, I can tell you that nobody caused this leak to happen on purpose.  But, the way them people from British Petroleums is handlin' this is what my mommy calls "criminals"...

I am so mads that I don't even know what to says.  But...I can't waste any energy on me bein' mads...the only thing I can do is pray for all the peoples and precious animals that are in harms way...all the peoples that now don't have no way to make moneys and take care of their families 'cause of this need our prayers and helps.  And, all them beautiful birdies and fishies and plants that are sufferin' and dyin' 'cause of all that nasty oily stuff don't deserve this neither...please join me in sayin' prayers...like...all day long prayers 'cause this is really a bad situation, peoples.

There is one other thing everybody can do...see, BP has a "representative" named Randy Prescott.  He made some mean and igornant comments this week:  "Louisiana isn't the only place that has shrimp," said Randy Prescott....Well, Mr. Prescott, I gots one thing to say to you..."BP AIN'T THE ONLY PLACE MY MOMMY CAN BUY GASOLINE FOR OUR CAR..."  In fact, on Friday, mommy was drivin' on gas fumes...the warnin' bell was dingin' up a storm...the closest gas station was a BP place...but mommy took a chance and drove an extra mile and went somewheres else.  

Please join me in lettin' Mr. Prescott know that he needs to be put on a helicopter, flown out into the middle of the oil spill and then dropped down on his big snobby elitist tushy smack dab in the middle of all that nasty oil...without a raft or boat or nothin'...let him live out in it for 50 days without no ways to git food or shelter...maybe then he might unnerstand.

You can reach Mr. Prescott at [email protected] and also call him at (713) 323-4093.  Maybe by now bein' the slimy, skanky, money-hungry jerks that BP is, they might have already disconnected his phone and/or disabled his email to protect him...but please do whatever you can to let BP know that we ain't gonna put up with them no mores.   

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Meet the Senator Sunday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

WE ARE BACKS!  It has beened almost 3 months since we have visited our bloggy...but it ain't been our faults...mommy has been very real busy with work and tryin' to help her mommy and daddy.  Normally, all of us in the Whiskers & Purrs Gang would've been very upsetted but...we taked a vote and decided to give her a break on this one.

Since it is Sunday, I wanted to resume my "Meet the Senator Sunday" column...see, as a high-powered and very important Senator, I gots lots of stuff I need to say.  But, recently, somethin' has come up in the Whiskers & Purrs House that I just gots to git off my chest...I've got me a real important message for mommy.

See, mommy has been busy and gittin' any time alone with her has been next to impossibles...she leaved me the followin' note 'bout 2 weeks agos...

Dearest Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III,
Honey, you know that I love you more than any other little boy in the whole world named Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III...and I would do anything in this world for you.  But, sweet Henry, could you do me a favor and stop peeing in the floor?  I nearly wear myself out cleaning up after you...there are lots and lots and lots of nice clean litter boxes in the house for you...could you promise me that you will start using them?
Love,
Mommy

Now, peoples on the innernets...I take my job as a very influenchewal Senator VERY importants.  My peoples look to me to sit a examples as to how to walk the straight and narrow paths...I try my best to do what the Bible says every single day.  I knows that if you don't do what the Bible says...well...you is gonna be a big heaps of troubles.  And the Bible says "he pisseth against the walls"....seriously!  Look it ups (1 Kings 14:10).  And, I am pritty sure that if he's pissethin' against the walls, he's probably poopethin' upon the floor.  It don't say "he pisseth inside of the litterbox"...So, if the Bible tells me to pisseth against the walls and maybe even poopeth upon the floor, I'm gonna do what the good book says.  I know mommy don't want me to be a big ol' sinnin' Senator!  We gots enoughs of them alreadys!

Now, mommy, I am a very important man.  Millions and gajillions of peoples look up to me and look for me to show them the right way to go.  I gots to sit a good example 'cause I wants to go to the big catnip garden in the sky one day.  I can't have you leadin' me astray.  So...just keep that bottle of clorox handy...my goal is to git the entire Whiskers & Purrs Gang to pissethin' and poopithin' all over the place!

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Meet the Senator Sunday...Vowintimes Day

 Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is Sunday...it is time for Meet the Senator Sunday.  It's also Vowintimes Day.  You know, I'm sure that today is a very stressful day for so many of the womens in the world...wonnerin' what to git me for Vownintimes Day and wonnerin' if I'm gonna call them and ask 'em out for a date and stuff.  I wants to say right now that I am sorry for 'causin' so many womenses hearts to break.  Here it is Vowintimes mornin' and I ain't for sure yet who I'm gonna ask to be my Vowintime.  I mean, there are so many womenses and just not enough time in a day for me to git to 'em all...what with me bein' a high-powered Senator and all.

It's not just my animal magnitisms that drives the ladies wild...it's all that power and stuff that I gots.  I mean, all I gots to do is let out one hiss, a growl and start barkin' like a seal and...dang...I'm tellin' you...stuff starts to happen.

So I just want to say that if I could git my freak on with all the womenses of the world today, I sure would...but I gots to help my brothers out and make sure they git their share of experiencin' womens and their womenly ways...I can't hog 'em all...So...Brad Pitt, you can keep your skanky Angelina; George Clooney you can keep your current bimbo of the week; BoyToy Jesus you can keep your dried up old Madonna...I'm gonna sit back today and think real hard 'bout who I want my Vowintime to be...you womenses on the innernets might wants to sit by your phone 'cause you might just be the lucky one I call later today.

Very truly yours...and Happy Vowintimes Day from all of my family,

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

PS...Everyone of us in the Whiskers & Purrs Gang gotted their own individual Vowintimes Day card from our Aunt Kathy & Aunt Sally!!!  Them was the first Vowintimes that each of us have ever gotted!  And, Aunt Kathy & Aunt Sally sended Little Joey a git well card after his Big Boy operation...that was awful thoughtfuls, specially since Little Joey is just a little pipsqueak.   Thank you so much, Aunt Kathy & Aunt Sally...you made our day!!!

Meet the Senator Sunday

 

 

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Welcome to "Meet the Senator Sunday".  Due to all the dramas and sad stuff that has been goin' on with my mommy's family, we ain't been able to have our normal blog postin' schedule.  We hope that all of that is gonna git back to some sorta normals now.  As all of our regular readers know, every Sunday, I post my deepest thoughts on current news goin' on 'round the worlds, what with me bein' such a important and powerful Senator and all.

I have finally reached a point where I am just flat out aggrivateds.  I am fedded up.  So, I demanded I git me a meetin' with the President.  Here is what we discusssed:

1. The need for more fundin' for Nip and Temptations
2. Education for the world on the importance of "thinkin" outsida the box
3. Education of beans on the best methods for tushy scratchin'
4. The inequities (big word!) in lettin' the people in France not wear unnerpants when the rest of the world has to
5. The need for Dick Cheney to just go far far aways

It will take time to see if any of our discussions will make a difference.  I'm just hear to serve my peoples...I tried to do my best.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Meet the Senator Sunday!...A Poll!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is Sunday...and, yes...we are actually havin' a "Meet the Senator Sunday" post...my dear peoples, I have to be honests.  I am a bit depressed and just not sure if I can go on as your senator.  I know all of y'all have noticed that it has been weeks and weeks and weeks without any postin's from me.  I just ain't been up to it.

See, bein' a big high-powered senator ain't a easy job.  It is very real stressfuls.  And every which way I turn I am criticized.  And, I don't never seem to git me no pats on the back.  I just don't seem to do anything right in the eyes of the dang media, papp-a-rats-assis or mommy.  I mean, heres a prime examples: the Nobel Peace Prize.  Now, see, I love President Obama.  I voted for him and everything.  I think he is doin' a good job given the absolute CRAP he was handed by W when he becomed president.  But, peoples, I really do think I SHOULD'VE BEEN GIVEN THE PRIZE!  I mean, honestly now, do you know how hard it is to keep peace in a house with 11.25 cats??? (Little Joey don't count as a full cat yet...he's only 1/4 of a cat.)  I think I should've gotted at least some sorts of honorables mentions.

And then on tops of that, mommy is always fussin' at me for thinkin' outsida the box and gittin' creative all over the house.  When I do think inside the box, she takes pictures of it to embarrass me.  I just can't win.  And...even worser is that she don't love on me enough.  She's even been forgittin' to tell me everyday that she has voted for me.  My selfs esteem is just flatout in the toilets.

So...you guys tell me what I should do with the rest of my lifes:

I appreciate your help and feedbacks, dear peoples on the innernets.  I will let you know the results of this life changin' poll later this week.

I'm gonna go sniff some nips to see if it will help lift my spirits.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Meet the Senator Sunday...what in the world is goin' on in South Carolina?

 
The Senator is Aggrivated!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is Sunday...and we all knows that means it's time for Meet the Senator Sunday...FINALLY!!!  It has been weeks and weeks and weeks since I have been able to post anything.  That would be because my mommy sucks.  But, she's helpin' me today so at least I gots that!

There's somethin' on my mind that I just have to write 'bout.   I'm very aggrivated and mad 'bout somethin'.  See, the other night, President Obama gived a speech.  Durin' that speech, South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson got all redneckified and yelled out "You lie!" at the President.  Now seriously, Mr. Wilson, was that really necessary?  Did screechin' out at the top of your lungs like that make you feel all important and smart and stuff?  Did you not know that you would make yourself and the peoples you represent look like a bunch of hayseed country bumpkins? 

Mr. Wilson, you has gots to git your emotions unner controls.  Take me, for examples.  I may not agree with everything my mommy does or says or thinks.  But...I don't just start screamin' at the top of my lungs in front of millions of peoples.  I communicate in many other ways.  Let's say that her policy is to leave us for a whole dang week to go to San Francrisco for work.  I do not agree with that policy.  She says she is workin' but I KNOW FOR SURE she was havin' some funs, too.  There was definitely some fibbin' goin' ons.  My way of communicatin' my displeasure and disagreement with her policy was to pee on stuff.  It was fine that she leaved us...while she was away, every square inch of the house was peed on...by me.  Trust me, Mr. Wilson, when she returned, she gotted the message and unnerstood the error in her ways.  Mr. Wilson, you must learn to more effectively communicate like I do...gittin' all red in the face and screamin' at the most powerful man on the planet ain't exactly what I would call smart.

I just feel so bad for all them peoples in South Carolina.  Today's Boston Herald says it all...the headline from one of their articles is "Why Blame Joe Wilson...His home state is just south of civilized"...Mr. Wilson, you is bringin' all kinds of embarassment to your peoples.  How much more can they take?  First the governor has problems keepin' his pants on with a woman named Miss Argen Tina and now their Congressman has a problem keepin' his mouth shut.  What on earth is next from South Carolina?  I git skeert just thinkin' 'bout it.   You politicians in South Carolina need to make a note to remind yourselfs...PANTS ON, MOUTH SHUT!

That is all I gots to say for this week's "Meet the Senator Sunday".  Stay tuned to your TV 'cause I feel sure that within just a few more days, somethin' else ennertainin' will happen in South Carolina.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III