Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin' with this week's edition of "Meet the Senator Sunday". I gots me somethin' real important to discuss with everybody today...I am very very concerned 'bout the peoples in South Carollina. I don't know how to tell you peoples in South Carolina this but...well...your governor, Mark Sanford, is a good-for-nothin', sneaky, two-timin', slimy cheater...at least that's what my mommy says. He got caughted with his pants down...sneakin' 'round with some woman named Argen Tina. Now Miss Tina ain't his wife. Miss Tina is a home wrecker.
Now first of all, Mr. Sanford, what was you thinkin' 'bout havin' your pants down? Do you need a belt or somethin'? Good Lord! You need to be like me...don't wear no pants! That solves the problem of havin' 'em fall down.
Secondly, Mr. Sanford, why did you think it was okay to cheat on your wife? Now I know you are just a little lowly Governor...you're not quite as smart as a big powerful Senator such as myself...but...why be married if you wanna do the BIG IT with other womens? Now take me, for examples...I ain't married and I git to do stuff with all the womens I want...and nobody cares. I take naps with a different womans every day and I ain't never had CNN or FOX News followin' me 'round...
And, finally, Mr. Sanford, everybody says you was a shoe-in for the President's job in 2012 for the Republican Party. Well...after this little pants-down-with-Miss-Tina-situation, on top of the fact that you is hangin' with this guy...
Mark Sanford and "W" (another brilliant politician)
I can only give you one bit of advice...Mr. Sanford, bend over and kiss your butt goodbye.
Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III
