Whiskers & Purrs

Top Cat Tuesday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Madam Top Cat Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  Today is Top Cat Tuesday.  I would just like to say that I think it's very important that all the mommy's and daddy's of the worlds unnerstand that us cats need to git our privacy. 

Yesterday mommy came home from work.  She came upstairs and, well...let's just say that me and Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie was gittin' our freak on.  Ain't nothin' wrong with that.  We is consentin' adult cats.  Georgie likes it when I flip him over on his back and start lickin' his face.  It ain't like we're two little kitten cats or anything.  Mommy didn't knock on the door or nothin'...she just busted all up into our business.  It really ruined the moment.

You beans need to be a little more sensitive to the needs of your cats...stop bein' so disrespectfuls.

Very truly yours,
Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves
Whiskers & Purrs Gang Top Cat

Mazie Monday...there are too many Dumb-Asses in the world!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'.  Today is Mazie Monday!  I am real upsetted 'bout somethin'.  Mommy had to open up a can of WHOOP-ASS on somebody Saturday night.  It was very real dramaticals.  But that ain't what I'm upset 'bout...see, it went somethin' like this:

It was 'about 8:30 on Saturday night.  We had snuggled in with mommy and was watchin' TV when all of a sudden, the doorbell ringed.  Mommy has a strict rule:  she don't answer the door after dark unless somebody has called us to say they is comin' over.  So...we just keeped snugglin' and watchin' TV.  Well, it ringed again. So mommy gotted up and looked outta the window.  It was dark but she could see an SUV on the street in front of our house.  She saw a man openin' up the the back passenger-side door of his car and pullin' out a box.  Then she saw him open up the front passenger-side door.  There was a big white fluffy cat.  He picked up the cat and was puttin' him in the box...well...you can figger out where this is goin'.

I knowed we was in troubles 'cause mommy started sayin' all kinds of words that none of us is allowed to say...she went runnin' outside...oh, it was dramaticals!  Here's how it all wented down:

Mommy:  "Excuse me, how can I help you?"... 

Dumb-Ass:  "Oh, I found YOUR cat.  I was just bringin' it back to you."

Mommy:  "That is not my cat."

Dumb-Ass:  "Well, your neighbor up the street said it was yours.  I'm just bringing it back to you."

Mommy:  "That is not my cat.  Tell the truth...you were getting ready to dump this cat on me."

Dumb-Ass:  "Oh no!  I was just bringing your cat back to you.  I don't live in this area.  I was just trying to help you out."

Mommy:  "Well, if you do not live here, how could you have come across my cat?  None of my cats go outside.  It is not my cat.  You're lying, dude.  Man-up and tell the truth.  This is your cat and you're trying to dump it on me."

Dumb-Ass:  "This cat just showed up.  What am I supposed to do with it?"

Mommy:  "Keep it and love it OR find a shelter."

Dumb-Ass:  "Where is there a shelter?"

Mommy:  "Look in the yellow-pages, you idiot.  My house is not a shelter.  I have a house full of cats because of dumb-asses like you.  I cannot take in any more.  Be a man and do the right thing.  Treat that cat with the respect it deserves.  Do not just dump it in my yard or anyone elses...how dare you!  That is so lame and completely inhumane.  It speaks volumes about your character."

Dumb-Ass:  blank stare....

Mommy:  "Let me tell you something.  I've got your license plate number.  If I see this poor cat wandering around this sub-division, so help me God, I will contact the police.  There is such a thing as Animal Abandonement and Animal Cruelty.  I will report you so fast that your empty little head will spin.  DO THE RIGHT THING BY THIS ANIMAL.  Love it or find it a shelter but DO NOT DUMP IT."

Dumb-Ass took the cat and put it back in his car and drove away.  Now, dear peoples on the innernets, it nearly killded mommy to have to turn this little cat away...and leave it in the hands of an idiot.  Mommy is completely haunted by this sweet kitty's innocent face.  But...mommy just cannot take in any more.  Our house is full.  And, mommy's mommy is very real sick right now.  She just does not have the mental energy to take on anything else.  It's all she can do to go to work, tend to us and tend to her poor sick mommy.  She just had to say no...but she feels so sad 'bout it.  We are all on the look-out for a big white fluffy ball of fur...just in case he gotted dumped.

Dumb-Ass, mommy telled you off real goods.  I sure do hope you did the right thing.

We live in a very sad world...one where there are way too many Dumb-Asses.  We are sayin' prayers that this Dumb-Ass learned his lesson and that the white fluffy kitty is okay and safe.  We are also sayin' prayers for all the kitties that are just like the big white fluffy kitty...that they can all find someone to love 'em.

I'm sorry today was a sad Mazie Monday.  Maybe next week will be betters.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

PS...remember...on Mazie Monday's your beans have to stop what they is doin' when you walk into a room and hum "Hail to the Chief".  Don't let 'em forgit, 'kay?

A Very Important Day

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Madam Top Cat Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  Today is a very important day in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  Two years ago today, our sweet Miss Lucy Margarite had to leave us to go to heaven.  We sure do miss her.  She was the best big sister that has ever been.  You can read more 'bout Miss Lucy here.  She was a wonnerful wonnerful girl and does a good job watchin' over us from heaven.

Lucy was my best friend.  I loved her.  Back when I was a bottle baby, I tooked one look at her and said "I look just like her...she is gonna be my momma cat!"...but, at first, Miss Lucy hated my guts...I mean to tell you, she hated every single thing 'bout me.  It tooked 'bout 2 years before Lucy agreed to be my friend and my momma cat.  Once she finally accepted me, well...we was inseparable.  Well, at least we was inseparable until she had to go to heaven. 

I just gots me a few words I wanna say to my sweet Lucy...

"Dear sweet Lucy, I miss you more than you could ever know.  You was the best big sister a girl could ever ever have.  It's 'cause of all you teached me that I was selected to be the new Top Cat...ain't no way I could've been this successfuls without you and all that you teached me 'bout bein' the boss, sweet Lucy.  Even though you hated my guts at first, we got to be real good friends .  I miss you lickin' the insides of my ears...I swear I don't think my ears have been nearly as clean since you went away. I don't unnerstand why your liver had to go kerflewy...mean ol' liver...what does it know, aways?  And, Lucy...mommy misses you so much.  Even though you have been in heaven for two whole years, well...she still cries 'cause she misses you so much.  Just know that no matter what, you are still my best friend and you will always be a part of the Whiskers & Purrs Gang."

Today we is gonna spend the whole day just thinkin' 'bout Lucy and all she teached us.  As all of you wonnerful peoples on the innernets are goin' 'bout your business today, take just a few minutes to think 'bout the special little kitties and wolfs that you have loved.  Maybe you can send them all a little special thought today while they is waitin' for you in heaven.  Let them know you still love 'em, 'kay?

Very truly yours,
Elsie Fallulah Graves & all of the Whiskers & Purrs Gang

Catchin' up on our sleeps!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Elsie Fallulah Graves, aka Madam Top Cat, speakin'.  I just have to tell you, all of us is weared out.  I mean to tell you, weared out to the bones.  Havin' a little baby cat in the house is a lot of work...every 3 hours mommy has been wakin' us up to go feed the little mommy-hoggin' monkey. Havin' your sleep innerupted is just not good for a little person.  Mommy is just so self-centered 'bout these kind of things. 

We is all just gonna take today to git catched up on our sleeps...if that is even possibles.  At least the little runt has gone to spend the night with his new mommy and dad.  We will git at least one night of peace and quiet.

By the way, we also need to git rested up 'cause Saturday is a big day in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  Be sure to stop by and visit us on Saturday, September 19th, 'kay?  We got somethin' real important to say to the whole dang world.

Very truly yours
Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves

A message from Jimmy Durante Graves III

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Jimmy Durante Graves III speakin'.  I just wanted to take a minute and tell everybody on the innernets somethin' real big...real big and importants...tonight me and mommy was kissin'.  It was a real nice kissin' and lovin' session.  While we was kissin' and she was scratchin' my ears and my tush, she told me somethin' big...I mean to tell you REAL big...

She said "Jimmy Durante Graves III, you are so sweet that if you git any sweeterer, the whole world is gonna have to have insulin just to be able to be 'round you!"  Now listen...I ain't so sure what insulin is but I know if the whole world is gonna need it, this must be B.I.G!...

Gosh...I sure hope I don't git to be any sweeter...

Very truly yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III

Top Cat Tuesday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  Since I am now the Top Cat for the Whiskers & Purrs Gang, I have decided that it is very important for me to address my peoples at least weekly.  So, from now ons, we are gonna have Top Cat Tuesday as my forum for me to git my message out and lead my peoples.

On this first Top Cat Tuesday, I just wanted to say that I am personally gittin' tired of the that little mommy-hoggin' monkey named Little Joey Cartwright Graves III.  As y'all knows, mommy rescued this little squirt when he was only 2 weeks old.  He is now almost 6 weeks old...in the 4 weeks he has been here, he has successfully stealed mommy away from us.  All she does is talk 'bout how cute he is and oh, did he eat enough and oh, is Joey lonely? 

Mommy, on behalfs of all the Whiskers & Purrs Gang, just remember he AIN'T stayin' with us.  He has gots a forever home with our neighbors and will be movin' real real SOON.  You need to think 'bout the fact that your favorite little Joey will be gone and then you will be in a house full of cats that are all mad at you 'cause you have ignored us for a whole dang month...

Don't burn no bridges, mommy...remember who has been with you the longest...or you is gonna pay a big bad penalty.  Snap out of your infatuation with the little mommy-hoggin' monkey and pay some attention to US!  I hate to have to be all mean and everything but...as the Top Cat, it's my job to look after my peoples.

Very truly yours,
Elsie Fallulah Graves
Top Cat for the Whiskers & Purrs Gang

Mazie Monday!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'. Today is Mazie Monday!  You know, with all the bad news we is all hearin' every single day, I'm startin' to git a little bit depressed.  There just don't seem to be much to look forward to what with all the mean and bad things that are happenin'.

So...I have decided with today's Mazie Monday, I would share a little love and happiness with all of the peoples on the innernets.  See, there's lotsa love in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  Me and my brothers and sisters are tight...they are my homey's.  Me and Freddie particularly love each others lots.  We kiss every time we git a chance. 

I know this is a Monday and all...mommy says that Monday's pretty much suck.  I think if you take a minute and watch this here video, it just might help you git through a sucky Monday and maybe even smile a little bits!

Remember, since it's Mazie Monday, if you're a cat your beans have to stop what they is doin' when you walk into a room and hum "Hail to the Chief".

I hope all of y'all have a wonnerful Mazie Monday!

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

Meet the Senator Sunday...what in the world is goin' on in South Carolina?

 
The Senator is Aggrivated!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is Sunday...and we all knows that means it's time for Meet the Senator Sunday...FINALLY!!!  It has been weeks and weeks and weeks since I have been able to post anything.  That would be because my mommy sucks.  But, she's helpin' me today so at least I gots that!

There's somethin' on my mind that I just have to write 'bout.   I'm very aggrivated and mad 'bout somethin'.  See, the other night, President Obama gived a speech.  Durin' that speech, South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson got all redneckified and yelled out "You lie!" at the President.  Now seriously, Mr. Wilson, was that really necessary?  Did screechin' out at the top of your lungs like that make you feel all important and smart and stuff?  Did you not know that you would make yourself and the peoples you represent look like a bunch of hayseed country bumpkins? 

Mr. Wilson, you has gots to git your emotions unner controls.  Take me, for examples.  I may not agree with everything my mommy does or says or thinks.  But...I don't just start screamin' at the top of my lungs in front of millions of peoples.  I communicate in many other ways.  Let's say that her policy is to leave us for a whole dang week to go to San Francrisco for work.  I do not agree with that policy.  She says she is workin' but I KNOW FOR SURE she was havin' some funs, too.  There was definitely some fibbin' goin' ons.  My way of communicatin' my displeasure and disagreement with her policy was to pee on stuff.  It was fine that she leaved us...while she was away, every square inch of the house was peed on...by me.  Trust me, Mr. Wilson, when she returned, she gotted the message and unnerstood the error in her ways.  Mr. Wilson, you must learn to more effectively communicate like I do...gittin' all red in the face and screamin' at the most powerful man on the planet ain't exactly what I would call smart.

I just feel so bad for all them peoples in South Carolina.  Today's Boston Herald says it all...the headline from one of their articles is "Why Blame Joe Wilson...His home state is just south of civilized"...Mr. Wilson, you is bringin' all kinds of embarassment to your peoples.  How much more can they take?  First the governor has problems keepin' his pants on with a woman named Miss Argen Tina and now their Congressman has a problem keepin' his mouth shut.  What on earth is next from South Carolina?  I git skeert just thinkin' 'bout it.   You politicians in South Carolina need to make a note to remind yourselfs...PANTS ON, MOUTH SHUT!

That is all I gots to say for this week's "Meet the Senator Sunday".  Stay tuned to your TV 'cause I feel sure that within just a few more days, somethin' else ennertainin' will happen in South Carolina.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

We have a mean ol' mommy!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie speakin'.  Well, mommy is finally home after bein' away for a long long LONG time.  She promises she ain't goin' no where else for a whiles.  I don't know...I ain't buyin' it.  She leaves us all the time and then when she's here, she's in the livin' room with baby Joey!  I agree with Elsie Fallulah...Little Joey is a mommy hoggin' monkey.  I want him to go far aways.

Since today is Saturday, I'mma gonna celebrate by kissin' me some womens, sleepin' in the sunshine and maybe, just maybe, watchin' mommy work in the front yard.  I think I am still mad at her for leavin' us so much...not sure I'm gonna be willin' to make her feel good 'bout havin' me soopervisin' her from the window.  I think I'm gonna ignore her...just like she ignores us.  Mean ol' mommy!

Very truly yours,
Georgie Porgie Puddinandpie

Good News!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is all of us speakin'.  Guess what?  We gots good news the other day!  Last week when mommy was in San Francrisco, she gotted a call from the rescue group that taked Eddie the Dog for us.  Eddie the Dog was adopted by a wonnerful elderly couple!!!  The man told mommy that Eddie was already bein' spoiled rotten!!!  Ain't that wonnerful news?

We are so proud 'cause in the past month, we have founded homes for Thelma Louise Graves, Eddie the Dog and Little Joey Cartwright Graves III.  We are very thankful that everything has worked out for these little furry ones!

Now we have to be honest...we did not care for Eddie 'cause we all knowed he wanted to eat us for a snack.  BUT...that was just the way mother nature made him.  He was a real good doglet and mommy falled in love with him real hard.  She is so thankful for that wonnerful couple that adopted Eddie. 

Eddie, we do not miss you but mommy sure does...just know that we would've gived you a home with lotsa love if we could have.  But...you are in doglet paradise.  Live long and stay well, sweet boy.

Very truly yours,
The Whiskers & Purrs Gang