Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'. It has been a very very VERY long time since I have been able to post anything...for a long time, I was a little skeert 'bout postin' anything...what with me bein' showed on National TV bein' 'toxicated on the nips and all. And then, it was showed again on National TV this past Saturday night. Can't you dang papparazzi leave a brother alone? I am a little embarrassed but I have decided that I ain't done nothin' wrongs...I wasn't drivin' a car or nothin' and I wasn't sharin' my nips with any little kids...I was enjoyin' a nip party in the privacy of my own home. What is wrong with that?
I wanted to let ya'll know that not only has mommy been neglectfuls of us and our bloggy, but...she also has been abusive in other ways. She bringed Little Joey Cartwright back into the house (gag me) and has been dotin' on him left and right. She was fixin' his suppers when I realized that he gits his supper out of a little bottle with a nipple on it. I just happen to love me little bottles with nipples on 'em. So, when mommy wasn't lookin', I jumped up on the counter and put the nipple in my mouth and runned off with the bottle!!! Oh, it made mommy mad mad MAD! She started chasin' me through the house...the faster she runned, the faster I runned with the nipple-topped bottle in my mouth! It was very real excitin'! And then, well dear peoples, the rest was very dramaticals and mean...mommy yelled at me. I mean to tell you, she yelled at me like she ain't never yelled befores. I was heart broked. She grabbed the bottle with the nipple outta my mouth and fussed at me...big times.
I ain't never been yelled at like that befores. I am so hurt. I looked at her with my big green eyes and then just walked away with my head down...devastated. I ain't sure but I think maybe I might need me some therapy after that tramatical experience. At a bare minimums, I will need to pee on some stuff for at least the next month.
Mommy, the only message I gots for you is that maybe you should start payin' a little bit of attention to the rest of us, too...we know Joey needs a lot of help (dang ol' mommy hog) but we still need you, too. And we don't need you yellin' at us, either! You could make it up to me by fixin' me my very own nipple-topped bottle with that warm and tasty supper in it...Mmmmmmm...I might be able to forgive you then.
Until then, I ain't speakin' to you or that little snotty baby.
Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III
