Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Mazie Grace speakin'. Today is Mazie Monday! I am real upsetted 'bout somethin'. Mommy had to open up a can of WHOOP-ASS on somebody Saturday night. It was very real dramaticals. But that ain't what I'm upset 'bout...see, it went somethin' like this:
It was 'about 8:30 on Saturday night. We had snuggled in with mommy and was watchin' TV when all of a sudden, the doorbell ringed. Mommy has a strict rule: she don't answer the door after dark unless somebody has called us to say they is comin' over. So...we just keeped snugglin' and watchin' TV. Well, it ringed again. So mommy gotted up and looked outta the window. It was dark but she could see an SUV on the street in front of our house. She saw a man openin' up the the back passenger-side door of his car and pullin' out a box. Then she saw him open up the front passenger-side door. There was a big white fluffy cat. He picked up the cat and was puttin' him in the box...well...you can figger out where this is goin'.
I knowed we was in troubles 'cause mommy started sayin' all kinds of words that none of us is allowed to say...she went runnin' outside...oh, it was dramaticals! Here's how it all wented down:
Mommy: "Excuse me, how can I help you?"...
Dumb-Ass: "Oh, I found YOUR cat. I was just bringin' it back to you."
Mommy: "That is not my cat."
Dumb-Ass: "Well, your neighbor up the street said it was yours. I'm just bringing it back to you."
Mommy: "That is not my cat. Tell the truth...you were getting ready to dump this cat on me."
Dumb-Ass: "Oh no! I was just bringing your cat back to you. I don't live in this area. I was just trying to help you out."
Mommy: "Well, if you do not live here, how could you have come across my cat? None of my cats go outside. It is not my cat. You're lying, dude. Man-up and tell the truth. This is your cat and you're trying to dump it on me."
Dumb-Ass: "This cat just showed up. What am I supposed to do with it?"
Mommy: "Keep it and love it OR find a shelter."
Dumb-Ass: "Where is there a shelter?"
Mommy: "Look in the yellow-pages, you idiot. My house is not a shelter. I have a house full of cats because of dumb-asses like you. I cannot take in any more. Be a man and do the right thing. Treat that cat with the respect it deserves. Do not just dump it in my yard or anyone elses...how dare you! That is so lame and completely inhumane. It speaks volumes about your character."
Dumb-Ass: blank stare....
Mommy: "Let me tell you something. I've got your license plate number. If I see this poor cat wandering around this sub-division, so help me God, I will contact the police. There is such a thing as Animal Abandonement and Animal Cruelty. I will report you so fast that your empty little head will spin. DO THE RIGHT THING BY THIS ANIMAL. Love it or find it a shelter but DO NOT DUMP IT."
Dumb-Ass took the cat and put it back in his car and drove away. Now, dear peoples on the innernets, it nearly killded mommy to have to turn this little cat away...and leave it in the hands of an idiot. Mommy is completely haunted by this sweet kitty's innocent face. But...mommy just cannot take in any more. Our house is full. And, mommy's mommy is very real sick right now. She just does not have the mental energy to take on anything else. It's all she can do to go to work, tend to us and tend to her poor sick mommy. She just had to say no...but she feels so sad 'bout it. We are all on the look-out for a big white fluffy ball of fur...just in case he gotted dumped.
Dumb-Ass, mommy telled you off real goods. I sure do hope you did the right thing.
We live in a very sad world...one where there are way too many Dumb-Asses. We are sayin' prayers that this Dumb-Ass learned his lesson and that the white fluffy kitty is okay and safe. We are also sayin' prayers for all the kitties that are just like the big white fluffy kitty...that they can all find someone to love 'em.
I'm sorry today was a sad Mazie Monday. Maybe next week will be betters.
Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace
PS...remember...on Mazie Monday's your beans have to stop what they is doin' when you walk into a room and hum "Hail to the Chief". Don't let 'em forgit, 'kay?
