Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'. Today is Sunday...and we all knows that means it's time for Meet the Senator Sunday...FINALLY!!! It has been weeks and weeks and weeks since I have been able to post anything. That would be because my mommy sucks. But, she's helpin' me today so at least I gots that!
There's somethin' on my mind that I just have to write 'bout. I'm very aggrivated and mad 'bout somethin'. See, the other night, President Obama gived a speech. Durin' that speech, South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson got all redneckified and yelled out "You lie!" at the President. Now seriously, Mr. Wilson, was that really necessary? Did screechin' out at the top of your lungs like that make you feel all important and smart and stuff? Did you not know that you would make yourself and the peoples you represent look like a bunch of hayseed country bumpkins?
Mr. Wilson, you has gots to git your emotions unner controls. Take me, for examples. I may not agree with everything my mommy does or says or thinks. But...I don't just start screamin' at the top of my lungs in front of millions of peoples. I communicate in many other ways. Let's say that her policy is to leave us for a whole dang week to go to San Francrisco for work. I do not agree with that policy. She says she is workin' but I KNOW FOR SURE she was havin' some funs, too. There was definitely some fibbin' goin' ons. My way of communicatin' my displeasure and disagreement with her policy was to pee on stuff. It was fine that she leaved us...while she was away, every square inch of the house was peed on...by me. Trust me, Mr. Wilson, when she returned, she gotted the message and unnerstood the error in her ways. Mr. Wilson, you must learn to more effectively communicate like I do...gittin' all red in the face and screamin' at the most powerful man on the planet ain't exactly what I would call smart.
I just feel so bad for all them peoples in South Carolina. Today's Boston Herald says it all...the headline from one of their articles is "Why Blame Joe Wilson...His home state is just south of civilized"...Mr. Wilson, you is bringin' all kinds of embarassment to your peoples. How much more can they take? First the governor has problems keepin' his pants on with a woman named Miss Argen Tina and now their Congressman has a problem keepin' his mouth shut. What on earth is next from South Carolina? I git skeert just thinkin' 'bout it. You politicians in South Carolina need to make a note to remind yourselfs...PANTS ON, MOUTH SHUT!
That is all I gots to say for this week's "Meet the Senator Sunday". Stay tuned to your TV 'cause I feel sure that within just a few more days, somethin' else ennertainin' will happen in South Carolina.
Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III
