Whiskers & Purrs

Mazie Monday: The Results Are IN!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

I CAN SEE!

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

PS...Unkle Doktor Blair called me "cutie" when he was lookin' into my soul eyes...{{{Blush}}}.....

Mazie Monday...A Reminder

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin' and today is Mazie Monday.  Just a reminder...be sure to check back this afternoon...I go to see Unkle Doktor Blair today to see if my big eyeball operation worked.  We'll update everybody when me and mommy git back from our visit with Unkle Doktor Blair.  Please keep your paws crossed and say some prayers for me, 'kay?  It sure would be nice to not have busted up eyeballs any mores.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

Meet the Senator Sunday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin' with this week's edition of "Meet the Senator Sunday".  I gots me somethin' real important to discuss with everybody today...I am very very concerned 'bout the peoples in South Carollina.  I don't know how to tell you peoples in South Carolina this but...well...your governor, Mark Sanford, is a good-for-nothin', sneaky, two-timin', slimy cheater...at least that's what my mommy says.  He got caughted with his pants down...sneakin' 'round with some woman named Argen Tina.  Now Miss Tina ain't his wife.  Miss Tina is a home wrecker.

Now first of all, Mr. Sanford, what was you thinkin' 'bout havin' your pants down?  Do you need a belt or somethin'?  Good Lord!  You need to be like me...don't wear no pants!  That solves the problem of havin' 'em fall down.

Secondly, Mr. Sanford, why did you think it was okay to cheat on your wife?  Now I know you are just a little lowly Governor...you're not quite as smart as a big powerful Senator such as myself...but...why be married if you wanna do the BIG IT with other womens?  Now take me, for examples...I ain't married and I git to do stuff with all the womens I want...and nobody cares.  I take naps with a different womans every day and I ain't never had CNN or FOX News followin' me 'round...

And, finally, Mr. Sanford, everybody says you was a shoe-in for the President's job in 2012 for the Republican Party.  Well...after this little pants-down-with-Miss-Tina-situation, on top of the fact that you is hangin' with this guy...

Mark Sanford and "W" (another brilliant politician)

I can only give you one bit of advice...Mr. Sanford, bend over and kiss your butt goodbye.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Freddy Astaire Graves III: Protector of my family from evil bugs

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Freddy Astaire Graves III speakin'.  I am very very VERY busy today...busy protectin' the house from evil bugs.  Mommy hates bugs so I must make sure they are not allowed past our front door.  I am doin' a very good job, don't you think?

Very truly yours,
Freddy Astaire Graves III

Thinking of you today, sweet Felix...

Dear Felix,

I've had you on my mind all day today, sweet boy...I can't believe it has been almost a year since I've seen those beautiful green eyes of yours.  Oh, how I miss you...everyone in the house misses you, Felix...especially Fergie.  She still looks for you every day.  Please fly down from heaven and give me a gentle headbutt for old time's sake, okay?  I miss you with all of my heart.

Love,
Mommy

Sharp Dressed Man

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Jimmy  Durante Graves III speakin'.  My mommy went to a concert the other night and heard these peoples sing:

 
ZZ Top

Uh, mommy...them sure are some odd lookin' beans.  They look like a skeery Santa Claws with floof covered gittars.  Anyways...mommy said them Santa Clawses told everybody that womens go crazy for a sharp dressed man.  Well...I just wants to remind everybody that I am a Sharp Dressed Man, what with me havin' on my classy black and white furs and all.  If any of you womens wants to go crazy for me...I am okay with that.

Very truly yours,
Jimmy Durante Graves III

Mazie Monday!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'.  Today is Mazie Monday!  Everything is goin' real goods in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  We are all kinda mads at mommy today...she went to a concert in Washington DC last night and gotted home very real late.  She disrupted our routine and we are gonna have to wait a long time to be able to forgive her.

Today I wanna talk 'bout lickin' stuff.  You know, lickin' stuff is very important to us cats.  Most beans just can't unnerstand that keepin' our furs clean and beautifuls is very very critical to us...all of us cats has gots us a routine of what order we lick stuff in...I personally start with my fingers, work my way up to my arms, then I wash my face, then my tummy and then my very extra special privatal places.  And then, I always finish up with good licks to my arm pits.  Most peoples don't think 'bout us kitties havin' arm pits but we sure do and I am very very VERY careful to make sure my arm pits are beautifuls and always cleans.

And so, dearest peoples on the innernets, I have said all that I want to say for today's Mazie Monday.  If you have a minute, leave us a comment and let us know what order you lick stuff in.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

PS...don't forgit to remind your beans that they are supposed to stop what they is doin' and hum "Hail to the Chief" when you walk into a room on Mazie Monday.

Meet the Senator Sunday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is "Meet the Senator Sunday".  God bless America.  This week I received lotsa questions and comments.  Before I git started respondin' and all, I want to make a very important statement.:

I am very worried 'bout the situation in Iran.  I do not unnerstand why them people over theres think they gots to run everywhere.  Peoples, I think it is very important that we spread the message that they can walk, take a bus, ride a train, drive a car, or even ride a bisickle...but they don't gots to run everywheres.  I am very very concerned that we run the risk of them wearin' themselfs out if they don't stop runnin'.

Now, on to my peoples questions...

The Meezers said...
Deer Senator Graves:
Can you tell us when we kittehs will receive our fair share of the bailout green papers? we really need to purchase tem-tay-shuns.
Fank you
Miles Meezer

Dearest Miles Meezer,
Thank you for question, but...I do not think that throwin' green papers at us kitties is the answer.  See...that would then require us to figger out how to drive a car, go inside, find our Temptations, go through the checkout and drive back home...uh...that sounds like W-O-R-K to me, Miles.  What we must do is train our beans to make sure they put aside enough green papers each week for Temptations and to have the common sense God gived them to remember to buy them every week...mommy, did you hear that one?

Da kittiez @ The cat-a-blog said...
Dear Mr. Senator:
What is your purr-sonal opinion about the minimum age for kittens and young cats to be able to buy 'nip wifout asking dere momma?

 

Dearest Cat-a-Blog Kittiez,
Nip is a glorious thing...it sounds to me like your first mistake is not askin' 'bout the age requirements but...in askin' your momma for permissions.  Kitties, please...do not start a trend that all of us will have to live with...Don't ask for permission!  Snoop 'round until you find where the nip is stashed and then PAR-TAY!  No, sweet Cat-a-Blog Kittiez, don't ask for permission...just ask for forgiveness laters...lookin' pitiful and sad will git you places! 

 

Daisy the Curly Cat said...
Dear Senator,
How can we make our country safe from terrorist attacks? Like from big black and white cats named Harley who will not leave me alone and always jumps on me and wants to rassle.
Thank you very much, sir.

 

Dear sweet Daisy the Curly Cat,

Yes, terrorists are a big threat.  But, I have developed a sure-fire way to git them mean ol' terrorists to leave you alone...see, when my big sister/terrorist Lucy was still alive, she hated my guts.  She beated me up bads 2 different times and I had to go to the hospitals 'cause of it...she was also a black&white terrorist...Daisy, I think them kinds is the worstest.  It was durin' this time that I developed the Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III Method of Skeerin' the Bejeezuz Outta Terrorists.  Here's what I do, Daisy...first, remember that offense is the best defense...so...as I'm walkin' through the house, periodically I just growl and hiss and carry on like a mad man even if nobody is even remotely close to me.  This sends a signal to the world that I am either tough as nails or crazy...them mean ol' terrorists don't wanna mess with crazy.  They will leave you alone when they see how crazy tough you is.  Also, be sure to work on your hissin' and growlin' skills.  You just have to let 'em know that you mean business...even if you don't have a clue as to what you need to do...and to leave you alones.  As my mommy would say..."Fake it 'til you make it!"

 

Laila and Minchie said...
Dear Senator,
Has your Mom been working on her budget of green papers so that there is more than enough for your Temptations and that your supply never gets dangerously low? It sounds like this needs to be her #1 priority. How can you help her to stay focused in this one very neglected area?

 

Dear Laila and Minchie,

My mommy has so many areas that she needs to work on...it's hard to say if this one is the most serious or nots.  But...I have developed a reminder system for her that I think will help with Temptations...if we miss a day of Temptations, I poop inside her shoe.  So far, it has worked wonnerfully and we have not missed one day of Temptations since I started it.  You might want to consider it with your mommy, too.  Poop is a great bean motivator, Laila and Minchie.  It's almost as effective as pee.  Give it a try...I think you will see what I'm talkin' 'bout.

 

The Giuseppe Cats! said...
Dear Senator,
What is your policy on immigration? We think we have an illegal immigrant in our house and we want her to leave now! Our mommy brought in this immigrant kitty she calls Rose and we have not been the same since!
Yours truly,
Gertie, Iris and Lily (but mainly Gertie)

Dear Gertie, Iris and Lily,

I used to be okay with immigrants...long as they started meowin' my language and doin' things the way we do here in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  That's how we ended up with 5,739 cats in this house!  But...I have put my paw down that there will be no more illegal immigrants in our house.  Mommy can rescue them and find them homes some place else...but, no illegals in this house anymores.  Now it sounds like you gots the situation of havin' "Rose" in your house...since she's already in the house, that probably means she ain't "illegals" anymores.  So, Gertie, you just gots to accept it.  If you are skeert of her, please see my response to Daisy...offense is the best defense.  And, just try to remember that she's probablly just as skeert of you as you are of her...try extendin' a Nip Branch of peace and see if you can't work it outs.

 

 

Freya said...
Dear Senator,
What's your foreign policy with cats from other countries that spell words like colour, honour, and plough differently?
Thank you sir,
Freya Cat.

 

Dearest Freya,

I gots to say that I'mma lover, not a figher...see, I can't spell words real good anyways so...I probably don't realize that foreign cats is spellin' stuff rong...uh, I mean spellin' stuff differently from us cats in America.  And, I git all excited when I see I am gittin' emails and comments from exotic places like France and England (Eric & Flynn...that's you!) and Australia (Vampy Vic, that's you!) and New Zealand (Poppy Q...we're talkin' 'bout you!).  So...all you kitties from foreign countries that spell things funky...just know that I welcome you to our bloggy and think that maybe you might be able to teach me how to spells!

 

Our last question came from The Paw Patrol-Fagin, Hendrix, Salvador, Myrna, Hamilton, Gracie Mae, Mr. Butler, Bootsie and our beautiful foster family Virtue and her babies Snowflake, Powder, and Brown Sugar.  It was a long question so I am gonna para-frase it.  See, Mr. Butler and Bootsie do not like each other.  Individually, they like everybody else in the house, but not each others.  A cold war has breaked out and blood has been shed...it sounds really awfuls. 

 

The only thing I can tell you, Paw Patrol, is that probably Bootsie and Mr. Butler are currently in a power struggles...they are battlin' for the Top Cat position...I'll tell ya what I would do...RUN AND HIDE UNNERNEATH THE BED AS FAST AS YOU CAN when those two go at it.  They will probably figger it out and one will be Top Cat and the other will be 2nd in command.  Just be sure to suck up to both of 'em 'til you figger out who the winner is...that way, when the winner assumes the role of top honcho, you'll be one of their favorites and not have to worry...

 

And so, my dear friends, that is this week's "Meet the Senator Sunday".  I am now officially weared out and need to go pee on somethin' and then take me a naps.

 

Very truly yours,

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Mazie Grace is H-A-P-P-Y!

Please submit your questions...

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Please do not forgit to submit your questions for the highly-anticipated next edition of "Meet the Senator Sunday".  On Sundays, what with me bein' a high-powered Senator and all, I will address the hot topics of the day based upon your questions.  So...either just leave a comment on our bloggy or drop me an email at senatorgravesATwhiskersandpurrsDOTcom.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

PS...we finally gots us some Temptations last night!