Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Joey Cartwright Graves III speakin'. Please notice that I have dropped the "Little" from my name. I am a big manly man now...no more "Little Joey" for me...that's for babies!
I am very upset today because of horrible things that happened to me yesterday. I will only discuss it this one time and then it will never be spoked 'bout agains...unnerstoods?
I ain't been feelin' so goods lately. My eyeball decided to git all swolled up and sore and runny. So, mommy taked me to...the V E T. I was very skeert...and MADS!
Joey lookin' very skeert and mads.
The V E T came in and did all the usual awful stuff...squeezin' on stuff, pokin' stuff, shinin' lights in and up stuff...and puttin' a thermomotater where God never meaned for one to go. She looked at my eyeball and said I have a eyeball affection and that I needed some eyeball ointment. So, I thoughted it was all over...boy...was I EVER wrongs...you will NEVER beleaf what my mommy asked them to dos...
She said "while I have Joey here, can you trim his nails for me? There is no way I can do it at home,"...the V E T said, "Why, sure! Let me go get someone to help us,"...
I very quickly ran into my hidey hole...nobody could see me in there!
Waits a minute...what is that big orange thing?
I must investimagate...
I looked this way...
and then that way...
I think the coast is clear...what is this thing?
Well, peoples, before I knowed it...my life was torned upside downs...they put a lampshade on my head...
and then they grabbed my back feets...
and then they flipped me overs on my side...
and ALL the whiles...I was the DEMON OF SCREAMIN'...
Kinda like this guy...
They cut on my nails, and squeezed on me and poked me for what seemed like hours and hours and hours (5 minutes)...and you know what my mommy did...instead of tryin' to HELP me, she standed there takin' pictures.
I finally gived up when I realized there was no hope for me.
They finally put me back in my carrier and now I am home...tryin' to force my fingernails to grow back and make my eyeball git betters...and I'm workin' hard on punishin' mommy for this awful thing she did to me today...
I am very real embarrassamatated by this awful string of events...we must never speak of this day agains...EVER!
Very truly yours,
Joey Cartwright Graves III
