Meet the Senator Sunday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is "Meet the Senator Sunday".  God bless America.  This week I received lotsa questions and comments.  Before I git started respondin' and all, I want to make a very important statement.:

I am very worried 'bout the situation in Iran.  I do not unnerstand why them people over theres think they gots to run everywhere.  Peoples, I think it is very important that we spread the message that they can walk, take a bus, ride a train, drive a car, or even ride a bisickle...but they don't gots to run everywheres.  I am very very concerned that we run the risk of them wearin' themselfs out if they don't stop runnin'.

Now, on to my peoples questions...

The Meezers said...
Deer Senator Graves:
Can you tell us when we kittehs will receive our fair share of the bailout green papers? we really need to purchase tem-tay-shuns.
Fank you
Miles Meezer

Dearest Miles Meezer,
Thank you for question, but...I do not think that throwin' green papers at us kitties is the answer.  See...that would then require us to figger out how to drive a car, go inside, find our Temptations, go through the checkout and drive back home...uh...that sounds like W-O-R-K to me, Miles.  What we must do is train our beans to make sure they put aside enough green papers each week for Temptations and to have the common sense God gived them to remember to buy them every week...mommy, did you hear that one?

Da kittiez @ The cat-a-blog said...
Dear Mr. Senator:
What is your purr-sonal opinion about the minimum age for kittens and young cats to be able to buy 'nip wifout asking dere momma?

 

Dearest Cat-a-Blog Kittiez,
Nip is a glorious thing...it sounds to me like your first mistake is not askin' 'bout the age requirements but...in askin' your momma for permissions.  Kitties, please...do not start a trend that all of us will have to live with...Don't ask for permission!  Snoop 'round until you find where the nip is stashed and then PAR-TAY!  No, sweet Cat-a-Blog Kittiez, don't ask for permission...just ask for forgiveness laters...lookin' pitiful and sad will git you places! 

 

Daisy the Curly Cat said...
Dear Senator,
How can we make our country safe from terrorist attacks? Like from big black and white cats named Harley who will not leave me alone and always jumps on me and wants to rassle.
Thank you very much, sir.

 

Dear sweet Daisy the Curly Cat,

Yes, terrorists are a big threat.  But, I have developed a sure-fire way to git them mean ol' terrorists to leave you alone...see, when my big sister/terrorist Lucy was still alive, she hated my guts.  She beated me up bads 2 different times and I had to go to the hospitals 'cause of it...she was also a black&white terrorist...Daisy, I think them kinds is the worstest.  It was durin' this time that I developed the Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III Method of Skeerin' the Bejeezuz Outta Terrorists.  Here's what I do, Daisy...first, remember that offense is the best defense...so...as I'm walkin' through the house, periodically I just growl and hiss and carry on like a mad man even if nobody is even remotely close to me.  This sends a signal to the world that I am either tough as nails or crazy...them mean ol' terrorists don't wanna mess with crazy.  They will leave you alone when they see how crazy tough you is.  Also, be sure to work on your hissin' and growlin' skills.  You just have to let 'em know that you mean business...even if you don't have a clue as to what you need to do...and to leave you alones.  As my mommy would say..."Fake it 'til you make it!"

 

Laila and Minchie said...
Dear Senator,
Has your Mom been working on her budget of green papers so that there is more than enough for your Temptations and that your supply never gets dangerously low? It sounds like this needs to be her #1 priority. How can you help her to stay focused in this one very neglected area?

 

Dear Laila and Minchie,

My mommy has so many areas that she needs to work on...it's hard to say if this one is the most serious or nots.  But...I have developed a reminder system for her that I think will help with Temptations...if we miss a day of Temptations, I poop inside her shoe.  So far, it has worked wonnerfully and we have not missed one day of Temptations since I started it.  You might want to consider it with your mommy, too.  Poop is a great bean motivator, Laila and Minchie.  It's almost as effective as pee.  Give it a try...I think you will see what I'm talkin' 'bout.

 

The Giuseppe Cats! said...
Dear Senator,
What is your policy on immigration? We think we have an illegal immigrant in our house and we want her to leave now! Our mommy brought in this immigrant kitty she calls Rose and we have not been the same since!
Yours truly,
Gertie, Iris and Lily (but mainly Gertie)

Dear Gertie, Iris and Lily,

I used to be okay with immigrants...long as they started meowin' my language and doin' things the way we do here in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  That's how we ended up with 5,739 cats in this house!  But...I have put my paw down that there will be no more illegal immigrants in our house.  Mommy can rescue them and find them homes some place else...but, no illegals in this house anymores.  Now it sounds like you gots the situation of havin' "Rose" in your house...since she's already in the house, that probably means she ain't "illegals" anymores.  So, Gertie, you just gots to accept it.  If you are skeert of her, please see my response to Daisy...offense is the best defense.  And, just try to remember that she's probablly just as skeert of you as you are of her...try extendin' a Nip Branch of peace and see if you can't work it outs.

 

 

Freya said...
Dear Senator,
What's your foreign policy with cats from other countries that spell words like colour, honour, and plough differently?
Thank you sir,
Freya Cat.

 

Dearest Freya,

I gots to say that I'mma lover, not a figher...see, I can't spell words real good anyways so...I probably don't realize that foreign cats is spellin' stuff rong...uh, I mean spellin' stuff differently from us cats in America.  And, I git all excited when I see I am gittin' emails and comments from exotic places like France and England (Eric & Flynn...that's you!) and Australia (Vampy Vic, that's you!) and New Zealand (Poppy Q...we're talkin' 'bout you!).  So...all you kitties from foreign countries that spell things funky...just know that I welcome you to our bloggy and think that maybe you might be able to teach me how to spells!

 

Our last question came from The Paw Patrol-Fagin, Hendrix, Salvador, Myrna, Hamilton, Gracie Mae, Mr. Butler, Bootsie and our beautiful foster family Virtue and her babies Snowflake, Powder, and Brown Sugar.  It was a long question so I am gonna para-frase it.  See, Mr. Butler and Bootsie do not like each other.  Individually, they like everybody else in the house, but not each others.  A cold war has breaked out and blood has been shed...it sounds really awfuls. 

 

The only thing I can tell you, Paw Patrol, is that probably Bootsie and Mr. Butler are currently in a power struggles...they are battlin' for the Top Cat position...I'll tell ya what I would do...RUN AND HIDE UNNERNEATH THE BED AS FAST AS YOU CAN when those two go at it.  They will probably figger it out and one will be Top Cat and the other will be 2nd in command.  Just be sure to suck up to both of 'em 'til you figger out who the winner is...that way, when the winner assumes the role of top honcho, you'll be one of their favorites and not have to worry...

 

And so, my dear friends, that is this week's "Meet the Senator Sunday".  I am now officially weared out and need to go pee on somethin' and then take me a naps.

 

Very truly yours,

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III