Whiskers & Purrs

Mazie Monday!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'.  Today is Mazie Monday!  Everything is goin' real goods in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  We are all kinda mads at mommy today...she went to a concert in Washington DC last night and gotted home very real late.  She disrupted our routine and we are gonna have to wait a long time to be able to forgive her.

Today I wanna talk 'bout lickin' stuff.  You know, lickin' stuff is very important to us cats.  Most beans just can't unnerstand that keepin' our furs clean and beautifuls is very very critical to us...all of us cats has gots us a routine of what order we lick stuff in...I personally start with my fingers, work my way up to my arms, then I wash my face, then my tummy and then my very extra special privatal places.  And then, I always finish up with good licks to my arm pits.  Most peoples don't think 'bout us kitties havin' arm pits but we sure do and I am very very VERY careful to make sure my arm pits are beautifuls and always cleans.

And so, dearest peoples on the innernets, I have said all that I want to say for today's Mazie Monday.  If you have a minute, leave us a comment and let us know what order you lick stuff in.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

PS...don't forgit to remind your beans that they are supposed to stop what they is doin' and hum "Hail to the Chief" when you walk into a room on Mazie Monday.

Meet the Senator Sunday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Today is "Meet the Senator Sunday".  God bless America.  This week I received lotsa questions and comments.  Before I git started respondin' and all, I want to make a very important statement.:

I am very worried 'bout the situation in Iran.  I do not unnerstand why them people over theres think they gots to run everywhere.  Peoples, I think it is very important that we spread the message that they can walk, take a bus, ride a train, drive a car, or even ride a bisickle...but they don't gots to run everywheres.  I am very very concerned that we run the risk of them wearin' themselfs out if they don't stop runnin'.

Now, on to my peoples questions...

The Meezers said...
Deer Senator Graves:
Can you tell us when we kittehs will receive our fair share of the bailout green papers? we really need to purchase tem-tay-shuns.
Fank you
Miles Meezer

Dearest Miles Meezer,
Thank you for question, but...I do not think that throwin' green papers at us kitties is the answer.  See...that would then require us to figger out how to drive a car, go inside, find our Temptations, go through the checkout and drive back home...uh...that sounds like W-O-R-K to me, Miles.  What we must do is train our beans to make sure they put aside enough green papers each week for Temptations and to have the common sense God gived them to remember to buy them every week...mommy, did you hear that one?

Da kittiez @ The cat-a-blog said...
Dear Mr. Senator:
What is your purr-sonal opinion about the minimum age for kittens and young cats to be able to buy 'nip wifout asking dere momma?

 

Dearest Cat-a-Blog Kittiez,
Nip is a glorious thing...it sounds to me like your first mistake is not askin' 'bout the age requirements but...in askin' your momma for permissions.  Kitties, please...do not start a trend that all of us will have to live with...Don't ask for permission!  Snoop 'round until you find where the nip is stashed and then PAR-TAY!  No, sweet Cat-a-Blog Kittiez, don't ask for permission...just ask for forgiveness laters...lookin' pitiful and sad will git you places! 

 

Daisy the Curly Cat said...
Dear Senator,
How can we make our country safe from terrorist attacks? Like from big black and white cats named Harley who will not leave me alone and always jumps on me and wants to rassle.
Thank you very much, sir.

 

Dear sweet Daisy the Curly Cat,

Yes, terrorists are a big threat.  But, I have developed a sure-fire way to git them mean ol' terrorists to leave you alone...see, when my big sister/terrorist Lucy was still alive, she hated my guts.  She beated me up bads 2 different times and I had to go to the hospitals 'cause of it...she was also a black&white terrorist...Daisy, I think them kinds is the worstest.  It was durin' this time that I developed the Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III Method of Skeerin' the Bejeezuz Outta Terrorists.  Here's what I do, Daisy...first, remember that offense is the best defense...so...as I'm walkin' through the house, periodically I just growl and hiss and carry on like a mad man even if nobody is even remotely close to me.  This sends a signal to the world that I am either tough as nails or crazy...them mean ol' terrorists don't wanna mess with crazy.  They will leave you alone when they see how crazy tough you is.  Also, be sure to work on your hissin' and growlin' skills.  You just have to let 'em know that you mean business...even if you don't have a clue as to what you need to do...and to leave you alones.  As my mommy would say..."Fake it 'til you make it!"

 

Laila and Minchie said...
Dear Senator,
Has your Mom been working on her budget of green papers so that there is more than enough for your Temptations and that your supply never gets dangerously low? It sounds like this needs to be her #1 priority. How can you help her to stay focused in this one very neglected area?

 

Dear Laila and Minchie,

My mommy has so many areas that she needs to work on...it's hard to say if this one is the most serious or nots.  But...I have developed a reminder system for her that I think will help with Temptations...if we miss a day of Temptations, I poop inside her shoe.  So far, it has worked wonnerfully and we have not missed one day of Temptations since I started it.  You might want to consider it with your mommy, too.  Poop is a great bean motivator, Laila and Minchie.  It's almost as effective as pee.  Give it a try...I think you will see what I'm talkin' 'bout.

 

The Giuseppe Cats! said...
Dear Senator,
What is your policy on immigration? We think we have an illegal immigrant in our house and we want her to leave now! Our mommy brought in this immigrant kitty she calls Rose and we have not been the same since!
Yours truly,
Gertie, Iris and Lily (but mainly Gertie)

Dear Gertie, Iris and Lily,

I used to be okay with immigrants...long as they started meowin' my language and doin' things the way we do here in the Whiskers & Purrs House.  That's how we ended up with 5,739 cats in this house!  But...I have put my paw down that there will be no more illegal immigrants in our house.  Mommy can rescue them and find them homes some place else...but, no illegals in this house anymores.  Now it sounds like you gots the situation of havin' "Rose" in your house...since she's already in the house, that probably means she ain't "illegals" anymores.  So, Gertie, you just gots to accept it.  If you are skeert of her, please see my response to Daisy...offense is the best defense.  And, just try to remember that she's probablly just as skeert of you as you are of her...try extendin' a Nip Branch of peace and see if you can't work it outs.

 

 

Freya said...
Dear Senator,
What's your foreign policy with cats from other countries that spell words like colour, honour, and plough differently?
Thank you sir,
Freya Cat.

 

Dearest Freya,

I gots to say that I'mma lover, not a figher...see, I can't spell words real good anyways so...I probably don't realize that foreign cats is spellin' stuff rong...uh, I mean spellin' stuff differently from us cats in America.  And, I git all excited when I see I am gittin' emails and comments from exotic places like France and England (Eric & Flynn...that's you!) and Australia (Vampy Vic, that's you!) and New Zealand (Poppy Q...we're talkin' 'bout you!).  So...all you kitties from foreign countries that spell things funky...just know that I welcome you to our bloggy and think that maybe you might be able to teach me how to spells!

 

Our last question came from The Paw Patrol-Fagin, Hendrix, Salvador, Myrna, Hamilton, Gracie Mae, Mr. Butler, Bootsie and our beautiful foster family Virtue and her babies Snowflake, Powder, and Brown Sugar.  It was a long question so I am gonna para-frase it.  See, Mr. Butler and Bootsie do not like each other.  Individually, they like everybody else in the house, but not each others.  A cold war has breaked out and blood has been shed...it sounds really awfuls. 

 

The only thing I can tell you, Paw Patrol, is that probably Bootsie and Mr. Butler are currently in a power struggles...they are battlin' for the Top Cat position...I'll tell ya what I would do...RUN AND HIDE UNNERNEATH THE BED AS FAST AS YOU CAN when those two go at it.  They will probably figger it out and one will be Top Cat and the other will be 2nd in command.  Just be sure to suck up to both of 'em 'til you figger out who the winner is...that way, when the winner assumes the role of top honcho, you'll be one of their favorites and not have to worry...

 

And so, my dear friends, that is this week's "Meet the Senator Sunday".  I am now officially weared out and need to go pee on somethin' and then take me a naps.

 

Very truly yours,

Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Mazie Grace is H-A-P-P-Y!

Please submit your questions...

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Please do not forgit to submit your questions for the highly-anticipated next edition of "Meet the Senator Sunday".  On Sundays, what with me bein' a high-powered Senator and all, I will address the hot topics of the day based upon your questions.  So...either just leave a comment on our bloggy or drop me an email at senatorgravesATwhiskersandpurrsDOTcom.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

PS...we finally gots us some Temptations last night!

Somethin' tragic happened...

Elizabeth Taylor, Fergie and Jimmy tryin' to cope

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is all of us speakin'.  Somethin' tragic has happened. It's just awfuls.  Last night mommy came home from work.  She did her normal routine...cleaned the poop boxes, rubbed all of our tummies, fixed our Fancy Feast and then feeded herself.  Then came our favoritest time of the day...Temptation Time!  Woo Hoo!

Mommy sit out our Temptation Plates...(we gots plates just for Tempation Time...when mommy gits them out...LOOK OUTS!  There's a ragin' stampede to git into the kitchen and get our beloved Temptations.) So...she sit the plates out and we was all there fussin' at her to git the Temptations QUICK...she went to the cupboard where she keeps 'em and then we saw her eyes git real big and heard her say "OH NO!"...see, mommy had forgotted to buy us Temptations when she went to the grocery store this week!  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF ANYTHING SO RIDICKOLUS in your whole life?  What kind of a mommy does this sort of thing?

There we was...waitin' for our most favoritest treat in the world...standin' right in front of our Temptation Plates...and mommy was standin' there empty handed.  The neglect and abuse we go through is awfuls.  AND....it gits worser...we told her she would just have to git in the car and go git us some.  She said she was just too tired and we would just have to go a day without our beloved Temptations.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  Somehow we are gonna just have to make it through with 22 cans of Fancy Feast and our gigantical bowls of dry food...but NO TEMPTATIONS until tonight. 

Please pray for us that we will git through this tryin' time without too much psychological damage.

Very truly yours,
The Temptationless Whiskers & Purrs Gang

Tryin' to help James Bond

Picture of James Bond taken from our bathroom window on Saturday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is all of us speakin'.  Many of y'all know that we have been tryin' to rescue James Bond.  James is a kitty that showed up right when our sweet Felix went to heaven.  Mommy says that maybe Felix sent him to us for us to try to help him.  See...he ain't got no home...no safe place to sleep at night and no place to go to keep him warm and dry.   He ain't got nobody to make sure he is healthy and give him good suppers to eat...and...probably most important...he ain't got nobody to love him and give him kisses.  James is very skeert and shy...he just ain't never had nobody to give a crap 'bout him...at least that was true before he showed up at our house.

But see...now...whether he knows it or not...he's a part of the Whiskers & Purrs Gang.  We have loved him from a distance now for almost a whole year.  Mommy actually got him to go into the trap but...he somehow gotted out.  Mommy has been tryin' to get him ever since.  We ain't givin' up on him...we are gonna keep tryin' to help James Bond...mommy is tryin' real hard to git him.  She's' gonna take him to see Aunt Doktor Dugan...have him tested...make sure he gits his operation on his privatal areas and then we will find him a home and make sure he is adored and loved and kissed every day.

James Bond...please go into the trap soon...don't be skeert...we want you to be safe, healthy and loved.

Very truly yours,
The Whiskers & Purrs Gang

PS...Aunt Doktor Dugan saw this picture and said that she thinks maybe James Bond might be a girl...uh...oopsie!

A message from Mommy Jenny

Ricky Eugene Graves
1993 - 2005

Dear Ricky Angel Cat,

Today makes 4 years since you had to leave us to go to heaven.  Oh how I miss you, sweet boy.  I can't believe it has been 4 long years since I saw that sweet face.  I miss your soft purrs, the loving way you would always let Lucy eat supper first before you ate yours, how you just had to jump up in my arms so I would hold you like a baby as I was getting dressed for work...and the list goes on and on and on...I miss you...miss you more than I could ever put into words. 

Although lots of other little ones have come into our home since you passed, none could ever take your place.  You will always be the man of the house.  You will always be my first little boy cat.  You will always have a very special place in my heart and I want you to always be very present in our home.  And...I know you are here with us, sweet Ricky.  Please promise you will always watch over us and wait for us to meet you when our time comes.

I will always love you, Ricky.

Love,
Mommy

Mazie Monday!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'.  Today is Mazie Monday!  Lotsa peoples have been askin' how I am doin' after my big eyeball operation.  Well...last week was kinda tough for me.  I did not feel goods at all.  Plus, I did not like the fact that I had to stay in the livin' room all by myselfs.  Mommy would stay with me at nightime but...durin' the day I had to stay in there alone.  It made me very sad on top of the fact that I had a busted-up eyeball goin' on.  But now I am FREE!!!  Mommy letted me outta the livin' room 'bout the same time I started feelin' betters!  Now I am back to bein' on the job as the Whiskers & Purrs Social Director.  I'm eatin' like a champ and playin' with all my friends.  Life. Is. Good!

I go to see Unkle Doktor Blair on June 29th.  Mommy don't know if I can see yet...and I ain't tellin'.  I want an excuse to go see Unkle Doktor Blair so I am gonna keep mommy in suspense.  See...he will look deep into my soul...uh, I mean eyeballs, and then let mommy know if the lights have been turned on for me!  I will tell you a secret and let you know that mommy says she thinks I can see some...she just might be right but I ain't gonna tell until June 29th...so mark your calendars, 'kay?

Okay, I have gots to get back to my job of bein' the Social Director for the W&P House!  I hope you all have a very Mazie Monday and your beans remember to hum "Hail to the Chief" when you walk into the room.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

Meet the Senator Sunday

 

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  I am proud to announce that from now on, every Sunday we will have "Meet The Senator Sunday" at the Whiskers and Purrs House.  Just like the beans do on Sundays with Face the Nation and Meet the Press, we will have innalekchewal comments from me 'bout serious topics of the day.  We will remind everybody on Friday's to send us your questions and topics.  We will try to answer 'em on Sunday.

Here's the first topic for Meet the Senator Sunday:

Dearest Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III,
What is goin' on with North Korea?  Why are they makin' bombs and stuff? 
Very truly yours,
Anonymous

My dear Anonymous, I do not know what is goin' on with North Korea.  First of all, we live on the West end of Richmond.  Is North Korea close to us?  I sure hope not!

I will say that I think that mean ol' Kim Jon Il...uhm...dude, you have a girl's name...is very means and not nearly as handsome as me.  Now, in his defense, he cannot help the fact that he is very ugly, but...I have just a few words for him.

Mr. Il,
Why are you so mean?  Did your mommy not raise you right?  You better be glads you don't live in the Whiskers & Purrs House!  My mommy says that you have to play nice with people and not be mean.  She says you need a time out in the bathroom with the door closed all by yourself so you can think 'bout all them mean things you do every day...what with all them nuclear bombs you're testin' and all.  No Temptations for you, Mister, until you straighten up and fly right!
Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

And so, my dearest friends on the innernets, there you have it.  Our first ever "Meet the Senator Sunday" and my thoughts on North Korea.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Mazie Mazie Mazie!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'. Mommy let me out of the livin' room last night.  I was so glad to git outta there and be with my brothers and sisters.  But...I still don't feel so goods.  Why did all of this have to happen to me?  I am sad.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace