Hi. This is Felix speakin'. Well, I finally made it home after bein' at the hospital yesterday. Although I am in L-O-V-E with Aunt Doktor Davies, I sure didn't have no kind of fun bein' at VRCC...it was skeery. First of all, Aunt Doktor Davies breaked just 'bout all of my "pooper examination rules" 'cept for Rule #5. Just to refresh your memory, them rules is as follows:
- Do not touch my poopal area.
- Do not squeeze my stuff.
- Do not stick thermomotators in my very extra special private places.
- I will cuss at you if you break rules #1, 2 or 3
- Do not make me take nasty skanky
poisonmedicine. Rule #4 will apply if you do.
She was skeerin' me when she was doin' the ultrasound on my tummy so I beginned to demonstrate Rule #4. She called mommy and said that I was "usin' bad language" and asked if she had mommy's permission to give me a sedative...mommy said "yes, please do give Felix a chemical attitude adjustment". Next thing I knowed, I was feelin' all warm and toasty in my insides...I started likin' have that there ultrasound.
Again, I do love my Aunt Doktor Davies. BUT...she sure don't know how to cut hairs real good...look at what she did to the hairs on my tummy!!! All of my stuff is bare now...wide open for the world to see. I'mma little bit embarrassed.
I ain't been feelin' so good since I have been home. In fact, I've been screamin' 'cause it hurts in my poopal area. The ultrasound didn't show Aunt Doktor Davies anything bad so now I gots to have me a colonoscopoopy. Mommy and me talked 'bout it...see...a colonoscopoopy for cats is just like a colonoscopoopy in humans. They gots to do what they call "prep work". For us cats, it takes 2 days...I gots to take somethin' called "Go Lightly" for 2 days, oh, and I gots to have somethin' called enemas...I don't think I gots me no enemies...what's that 'bout? Then, on the third day, Aunt Doktor Davies will git down to the punkchewation by doin' a colonoscopoopy. I'm skeered 'cause I will haff to be away from my women here at home and mommy, too. But...I'll git to see Aunt Doktor Davies and make all kinds of googley eyes at her and all them other nice people at VRCC.
Lotsa thanks to all you nice people on the innernets for leavin' comments and sayin' prayers for me yesterday. I just have one more request...can you keep prayin' for me 'til we figure out what is wrong with my pooper? Me and mommy sure would appreciate it.
Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat
