Hi. This is Felix speakin'. I'm skeerd. It's 7:00 in the mornin' and I gots to go to the Veterinary Referral & Critical Care Hospital in 'bout an hour. I'm real confused. Mommy made me stay in her bedroom with her last night. I wasn't allowed to eat nothin' after she closed the door. What is that all 'bout?
Mommy keeps tellin' me that I'mma gonna feel better after this but I just don't know...what if they don't follow my rules:
- Do not touch my poopal area. A man don't like to have his very extra special private places touched or looked at so just keep your hands off.
- Do not squeeze my stuff. See #1 for more detail.
- Do not stick thermomotators in my very extra special private places...just ask me, I will tell you what my temperature is.
- Remember that I used to live on the streets and I'm tough so I might just have to make some funky noises to make sure you unnerstand that I am tough and a big strappin' man.
- Do not make me take nasty skanky
poisonmedicine. I am big and strong and I will bite the livin' bejeezuz outta anybody that even thinks 'bout makin' me take stuff like flagyl.
And, what if whatever they do to me hurts a lot? Oh, I'm just skeerd, skeerd, SKEERD! Please, all you peoples on the innernets, say a big loud prayer for me this mornin', 'kay? And for mommy, too...she's worried 'bout me which makes me even more worried. We sure would 'ppreciate it if you would think 'bout us this mornin'.
Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat
