Hi. We is mad. No, we is not mad that we now have a new brother. He is a little squirt and don't bother us at all. We is mad at the nasty snooty people in the world that pass judgement on other people. Take, for example, the check-out clerk at Ukrop's that was very ugly to mommy today.
Before mommy went to pick up our new brother, Richie, at Aunt Doktor Dugan's office, she stopped by Ukrop's to buy about eleventy-three thousand dollars worth of Fancy Feast. For you peoples on the innernets that don't live in Richmond, Virginia, Ukrop's is a local grocery store. They is kinda odd...they ain't open on Sunday's and they don't sell alcohol...Now, we is okay if they is real religious. As mommy would say, "to each his own, little ones." But, the check-out clerk was what mommy calls "the stereotypical dumb-ass".
When the clerk was scannin' all of them cans of Fancy Feast, the conversation with mommy went somethin' like this:
Dumb-ass Ukrop's clerk: "Gosh, you must've run out of cat food."
Mommy: "No, I just have a lot of cats."
Dumb-ass Ukrop's clerk: "Well how many do you have?"
Mommy: "11"
Dumb-ass Ukrop's clerk: "That's ridiculous. Somebody needs to call animal control on you."
Mommy: "Why would you say that? You do not even know me."
Dumb-ass Ukrop's clerk: "Because that's too many. You are breaking the law. Animals should not be neglected and mistreated like that. You are never supposed to have more than 2."
Mommy: "First of all, I do not have to justify the number of cats I have with YOU. Secondly, how dare you pass judgement on me. I provide a clean, safe home for my pets. They are all loved and if they even sneeze they go to the vet. I'm providing a home for unwanted animals that would otherwise be on the streets or euthanized. What are you doing to make this world a better place?"
Dumb-ass Ukrop's clerk: "Someone needs to call animal control or at least the ASPCA."
Mommy: "Feel free to do so...here's my business card you dumb-ass. They will laugh uproarously as they hang up on you."
About that time the Manager just happened to be passing by...
Mommy to the Manager: "Ya know, you might want to tell your employees that passing judgement on your customers is bad for business...Ukrop's seems to be very open to diversity...just as long as it looks like you, believes like you, prays like you and lives like you. Without even knowing my name, your employee has decided that I am abusive and neglectful of my pets and should be reported to Animal Control. You've just lost a customer due to your arrogant, judgemental, small-minded, dumb-ass clerk."
To all you people out there that have ever made fun of mommy or passed judgement on her 'cause she gives homes to little people like us, please do us a favor and KISS OUR LITTLE HAIRY BUTTS AND DON'T READ THIS BLOG NO MORE. We live in a clean house that is big and has lots of special places for us to play and snooze. We've got litter boxes that is always clean and our house smells good - not like poop! We eat more Fancy Feast than any other cats in the whole wide world. We gots us the very best Vetroregurgitarian in the world, too. If Aunt Doktor Dugan thinked for one minute that we wasn't bein' taken care of, she would do whatever she had to to make sure we was okay. Mommy loves us...shoot...how many cats do you know that have their own blog, for Pete's sake?
Dr. Mr. Ukrop,
We hope you enjoy that eleventy-three thousand dollars of OUR money that mommy spended at your pitiful little store today. It's the last of our money you will ever git. You and your dumb-ass employees SUCK!
Very truly yours,
The Graves Cats
