Hi. This is Felix. I gots some news for all you peoples on the innernets. For a long time now, my pooper just ain't been workin' right. Aunt Doktor Dugan and mommy have tried all kinds of poisons medicines to git my pooper back in shape. But nothin' has been workin'. On Saturday, I waked up not feelin' so good. All of a sudden, I started havin' some hurtin' feelin's in my tummy. It hurt bad, people...so bad that I started screamin'...screamin' real loud every few minutes. I had to let mommy know that somethin' wasn't right. It skeerd all the other cats in the house, too. See, I'm the man of the house, so when they see me hurtin' and afraid, it makes them afraid, too
Well, as you probably figured out, it skeerd mommy real bad. She couldn't figure what could've happened...I had been feelin' good...it's just that I have real runny poops. But I eat real good and play lots and don't seem to feel bad ever. Shoot...I had spent the night before makin' out with some of the cute girls in the house...I regularly git some kisses from Fergie and Miss Elizabeth Taylor...how could somethin' be wrong if I'm gittin' a little somethin' somethin' goin' on with my womens?
Mommy didn't know what to do. She called Aunt Doktor Dugan at home. Aunt Doktor Dugan telled mommy to take me to the emergency hospital. So...mommy scooped me up real real fast and got me there as fast as she could. I was hurtin' pritty bad the whole way there and screamed just to make sure she knowed that things wasn't gittin' any better. Mommy was real afraid. She started cryin', which, of course, made me more afraid. Dang...this ain't good, people.
When we got to the hospital, all them nice people there remembered mommy from when Lucy went to heaven. (You can read 'bout that here.) They taked me to the back and told mommy they would make sure I was okay. We had to wait a little bit 'cause there was lots of sick little people there ahead of us. Pretty soon, Aunt Doktor Davies just happened to come by...when mommy saw her, she started to cry even more. She said, "Aunt Doktor Davies, I just can't lose Felix (I ain't sure where she thinked I was a goin'! They had me in a cage, for Pete's Sake, mommy!). I just lost Lucy, I can't lose him, too." Aunt Doktor Davies said "I am here and I'll see if the Emergency Room Doktor needs my help. Don't worry...we'll take good care of Felix the Magical Cat!" I ain't never meeted Aunt Doktor Davies but I heard her talkin'...Lucy was right! She does sound like she's singin' when she talks! (For those of you that don't know her, Aunt Doktor Davies taked care of Lucy before she went to heaven. We ain't sure but we think she might be the Queen of England. You can read about all the stuff Lucy said 'bout Aunt Doktor Davies here.) Mommy says she's from some place called England. I ain't sure what that means but I think it means she's very smart and talks pritty. Anyways, Mommy keeped on cryin' and blowin' her nose and stuff. It was very dramatical.
So, we waited for 'bout 2 hours and then the Emergency Room Doktor called mommy back to talk with her...mommy was still cryin' and blowin' her nose. The Doktor telled mommy that I was stable and that my pain had seemed to pass...uh, mommy asked her "what does that mean...his pain has passed?"...Well, peoples, this is where it gits embarrassin'...the Emergency Room Doktor said "Felix has chronic diarrhea of the upper intestine...that's usually not life threatening. He does need to see an internal medicine specialist - Dr. Davies would be great - to find out what is causing the diarrhea and treat it. We'll get that appointment scheduled before you leave. But his pain today was basically gas." Mommy couldn't believe her ears! "Gas? Gas??? You mean I've been cryin' my eyes out for the past 2 hours because he has GAS???" The Doktor said "yes, he's fine now. He probably was experiencing cramps and pressure. You should continue the meds that Doktor Dugan gave you until it's time to see Doktor Davies...He may experience episodes like this...just try not let it worry you. Once you bring him back in, Doktor Davies will decide whether he needs an endoscopy or a colonoscopy. She will figure out what's wrong and get him fixed up."
As you might imagine, mommy was relieved but feeled like an idiot. And, you can pritty much imagine that all of them nice peoples at VRCC now know for sure that my mommy is not quite right. She rushed me up to VRCC, cryin' and blowin' her nose the whole way, beggin' them to not let me die, when all I really needed was to sit back, relax and let a few rip! I gits to go see Aunt Doktor Davies, Internal Medicine Specialist SUPREME, on January 14th to fix my pooper and make things all better. In the meantime, y'all please pray for us...we gots us a mommy that ain't quite right.
