We have some very bad news and it's ALL mommy's fault. See, Stanley the Squirrel went inside the trap last night. She told us he was gonna be fine and would go to the park to live today. So, we was happy for him. But...this mornin' when we was eatin' our breakfast and doin' some meditatin' and lickin' some stuff before we all lined up to take our turn poopin' in the box, we heard a loud BANG and then somebody squeakin'. Then...it just got real real REAL quiet. We knowed that somethin' bad was a happenin.
Well, when mommy leaved the house to go to work to earn money so she could buy us Fancy Feast and nip, she saw what had happened...Stanley had a brother named Earl...Earl the Squirrel...and mommy had secretly, without our permission, had the evil squirrel trapper-guy to put out a 2nd trap that was like a gigantic mousie trap. So Earl the Squirrel decided to come into the attic after a night of hard partyin' and chasin' girl squirrels...and...you can figure out the rest...Earl was hangin' by his neck off the side of the house just like ol' Saddam the Squirrel.
Now mommy put up a good act...pretendin' that she was upset and all. She called the squirrel trappin-guy and fussed at him. She told him to come git his trap, shove it where the sun don't shine, git off of our property and never ever ever come back again but...I really think it was just an act. She is mean. At least Stanley has moved to the park. But, poor Earl the Squirrel is now in Squirrel Heaven all because mommy is evil.
We is gonna have a moment of silence tomorrow mornin' at 7:37 AM. That's the exact time that mommy had Earl the Squirrel 'sassinated. We will have coverage of the moment of silence tomorrow live on CNN...the Cat News Network.
An innocent life was taken, all because mommy SUCKS!
