Dear God - A Prayer by Felix

Dear God,

This is Felix Graves speakin'.  Of course you know that already, with you bein' God and all.  I just wanted to have a little talk with you...see...I've been sick a lot lately and it just ain't been no kind of fun.  I had to go up to VRCC where they did all kinds of awful things to my very special private places and made me eat some very extra awful stuff.  After all of that, we still ain't a hunner percent sure what is wrong with my pooper.

Then, today I waked up with all kinds of boogers in my nose.  I've been a sneezin' and blowin' boogers all over the house.  Mommy taked me to see Aunt Doktor Dugan.  She gived me some poison medicine that I gots to take.

God, I'm only 5 years old.  It just don't seem right for me to be sick.  Plus, I'mma good boy.  You would think I would be a scrapper with all them other cats in this house.  I used to live on the streets and knowed how to protect my territory.  But I'm real good and nice to everybody.  I'm just so thankful to have me a good home and lotsa Fancy Feast to eat every day.  I just ain't a scrapper no more.  And every time mommy brings a new little cat in the house, I'm a good big brother.  I don't let nobody be mean to 'em and I give 'em baths and stuff.  And, I'm real good to the women cats in this house.  They've all got The Hotness and I treat 'em all just like a gentleman should.

So, God, can you help me not be sick no more?  I'm tired of havin' a sore pooper.  And, havin' boogers in my nose is awful...and booger medicine is nasty.  I sure would appreciate it if you could help me out.

Very truly yours,
Felix Graves