Whiskers & Purrs

Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves has a Big-Ass Announcement

 

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  I gots me a BIG-ASS ANNOUNCEMENT today.  Now, most of y'all knows that 2009 was a real hard year for lots of peoples...myself includeds.  I mean, I was heartbroked not once but twiced by Anderson Cooper.  Now, I gots to tell you that a womans can only take so much.  I was devastated.  

On top of that, I had me an Unfortunate Tushy Incident...not once but twiced I had to into the hospital 'cause my tushy gotted all sore and itchy and swolled-up and hurty.  Oh it was awful and very real embarrassin'.  

But 2009 is now long gone and 2010 is a new start!   My tushy is all healed and I am feelin' goods! And...well...a miracle has happened.  See, I meeted me a boy...a good boy.  His name is Rudy...Mr. Rudy Hess.  Oh, peoples on the innernets, he is wonnerfuls...smart and handsomes and brave and nice...and, you know what?  HE LIKES ME!!!    He asked me to be his girlfriend!  And...I SAID YES!!!!

I am happy, dear peoples on the innernets!  Very real happy!  He is so good to me...me and Rudy talk on Facebook every day!  Oh he is just dreamy!

And, he's got a cool brother!!!  His name is Heinrich Boobithy Boobonivich or "Boob" for short. Boob is a very important high-powered lawyer.  That is great news for when I git into trouble for tryin' to beat up on Little Joey Cartwright Graves III.

Oh dear friends on the innernets, 2010 has started off wonnerfuls!  I am so thankfuls for my Rudykins.  I want everybody on the innernets to know my Rudy and know that I love love LOVE him!  If you are on Facebook, please make both of us your friend, 'kay?  You can find Rudy by lookin' up "Rudy Hess".  I can be found as "Elsie Fallulah Graves".  Please visit us every day and feel the love and mushiness we gots for each other!

Very truly yours and big MWAH to my Rudykins,

Elsie Fallulah Graves

PS...Me and Rudy like to kiss on the lips with our mouth opens.  Please turn away and don't watch while we is kissin', 'kay?

Mazie Monday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

Today is Monday and I am Mazie Grace so...that must mean it's MAZIE MONDAY!!!  Finally...we are back to me postin' on MY day of the week!  I lots to update you all on...so let's git started!

Little Joey Cartwright Graves III is doin' real goods!  He is growin' up and I am so proud of him.  He has finally turned into a cat!  And...him and Elsie are gittin' along pretty good.  Since she made a big ol' promise to God and all, well...she has gots to walk the straight and narrow path now.  I am so proud of my baby...I never thoughted I would ever be a mommy but Little Joey has made my dreams come true.  I love love LOVE him.  You can love him, too, by followin' him on Facebook.  He has his own Facebook page and he would love to have all of our dear friends on the innernets as his friend.  You can look him up...he's listed as "Joey Cartwright Graves III".

As of today, mommy STILL has not called Unkle Doktor Blair's office to git my 6-month check-up rescheduled.  I do not know why mommy has to be such a slacker.  Mommy, I WANT TO SEE MY UNKLE DOKTOR BLAIR.  I LOVE HIM...HE CALLS ME PEANUT AND LIKES ME A LOT!  I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF ATTENTION SO GIT OFF YOUR HINEY AND MAKE ME AN APPOINTMENT!!!  I don't wanna have this conversation  with you again...DO IT NOW, MOMMY!  

Elsie's tushy seems to be all betters...all of us feel a little bit cheated...as part of Elsie's treatment, she can't have any dry foods.  So...mommy has taked dry foods away from ALL of us...I MISS MY CRUNCHIES!   But...Elsie is doin' real goods and she is loosin' some weights...and Fergie and Mrs. Lilly White are, too, oh, and Freddy Astaire Graves III's poops are doin' better, too...so...well, I guess it's just no crunchies and Temptations for the rest of us.

Elsie has kicked Anderson Cooper to the curb...dumb ol' rich boy.  He broked her heart not just once but TWICED!  That's it!  But...Elsie Fallulah will be makin' a BIG-ASS ANNOUNCEMENT tomorrow on Top Cat Tuesday so...be sure to check in!

We are really sad in the Whiskers & Purrs House...we have finally come to the conclusion that our sweet James Bond is gone for good.  We tried so hard to help him but...I guess it just wasn't meant to be. James Bond, if you're out there somewhere, just know that you are loved and we would love to help if you if you will just come backs.  We are still sittin' out suppers every day but...well...we are pritty sure we are feedin' raccoons and oppossums.  That's okay...they gots to eat, too!

I guess that's it for today's Mazie Monday.  I hope you all have a wonnerful week.  Don't forgit...when you walk into a room, your beans have to stop what they is doin' and start hummin' "Hail to the Chief"!

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

 

Meet the Senator Sunday

 

 

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III speakin'.  Welcome to "Meet the Senator Sunday".  Due to all the dramas and sad stuff that has been goin' on with my mommy's family, we ain't been able to have our normal blog postin' schedule.  We hope that all of that is gonna git back to some sorta normals now.  As all of our regular readers know, every Sunday, I post my deepest thoughts on current news goin' on 'round the worlds, what with me bein' such a important and powerful Senator and all.

I have finally reached a point where I am just flat out aggrivateds.  I am fedded up.  So, I demanded I git me a meetin' with the President.  Here is what we discusssed:

1. The need for more fundin' for Nip and Temptations
2. Education for the world on the importance of "thinkin" outsida the box
3. Education of beans on the best methods for tushy scratchin'
4. The inequities (big word!) in lettin' the people in France not wear unnerpants when the rest of the world has to
5. The need for Dick Cheney to just go far far aways

It will take time to see if any of our discussions will make a difference.  I'm just hear to serve my peoples...I tried to do my best.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Mazie Monday...on Wednesday

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Mazie Grace speakin'.  I am mads.  DANG mads...It has been 'bout a bajillion weeks since I have hadded my Mazie Monday time on the bloggy.  Please know, dear friends, that it is NOT my faults.  Mommy is a deadbeat.  Not only has she been neeglektin' us...her very own childrens, but she has been neeglektin' the bloggy.  I am sorry I have not been able to share my wit, wisdom and joy with all of you...DANG IT!

There's also another reason I am dang mads.  Last week I had me a eyeball appointment with my most favoritest Unkle Doktor Blair...and mommy forgotted all 'bouts it!  I love love LOVE my Unkle Doktor Blair and I only git to see him 'bout every six months and...don't you know mommy blew it.  She used some lame excuse that she has been so focused on tryin' to help her mommy and daddy git moved into a new house and her mommy outta the nursin' home and she has been so stressed that she just forgotted...I ain't buyin' it...

I only have one thing to say to you...okay, maybe I gots 2 things to say to you...first:  MOMMY, BITE ME!  Second, GIT ON THE PHONE AND GIT MY EYEBALL APPOINTMENT RESCHEDULED NOW! 

Okay...I feel a little bit betters after gittin' that offa my chesteses. 

Some of you has been askin' how my busted up eyeballs are doin' after my last big eyeball operation.  Well, I'm sad to report that we are all pretty sure that I am back to bein' blind as a bat.  But, of course, WE DON'T KNOW THAT FOR A FACT 'CAUSE I DIDN'T GO TO MY EYEBALL DOKTOR APPOINTMENT, MOMMY!  I could see for a month or two after my last eyeball operation but we think scar tissue has formed again so now I'm in the dark agains.

But, you know what?  I am happy happy happy!  And I git 'round real goods!  Plus, I have my Baby Joey to tend to and love and rassle with...and I gots Freddy and Jimmy and Buzzy to kiss on the lips with my mouth open. 

Life.Is.Good...'cept for the fact that I gots a mommy that is a doofus.

That's it for today's Mazie Monday...on Wednesday.

Remember, your beans have to stop what they is doin' and hum "Hail to the Chief" when you walk into the room all day on Mazie Monday...even if it's on Wednesday.

Very truly yours,
Mazie Grace

I am heart broked again...

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  Here it is, New Year's Day, and I am heart broked all over agains.  Kathy Griffin did not help me git my New Year's wish.  Anderson Cooper broked my heart.

I am very sads.

Very truly yours,
Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves

PS...Many thanks to all the dear peoples on the innernets that tried to help me have my dream come true...all of us in the Whiskers & Purrs Gang want to wish everyone a Very Real Happy Merry New Years.

URGENT: Operation Kathy Griffin to the Rescue!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,

This is Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'.  As you all knows, more than anything in my nine lifes, I want to be Anderson Cooper's cat.    I watch him every night he is on TV and I pray for BREAKIN' NEWS in the hopes he will be on TV all day and all nights.  Even though he has broked my heart over and over agains, I still want to be his cat and live in his big mansion in NYC and have his maid feed me Fancy Feast and crunchies and I want to sit on his lap after he comes home from workin' so hard on AC360 and I will sing him my purry songs and maybe he will let me sniff behind his ears 'cause I just KNOW he smells good and his mommy will make me jeans and stuff.   Please know I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY HIM OR NOTHIN'...Ewwww....he's a bean...you know...a human bean.  I just wanna be his cat. 

Well, I think maybe I gots one last hope...see our favoritest comedian in the whole dang worlds, Miss Kathy Griffin, is gonna be on TV with him tomorrow night to ring in the New Years!  And...she's askin' people to send her questions to ask my Anderson Cooper live on TV.  Well...I would like to ask all of my dear friends on the innernets to have Miss Kathy Griffin ask my Anderson Cooper to just wish me a very real Happy New Year...and...if she will do that...the Whiskers & Purrs Gang will donate $1000 to Alley Cat Allies.  FOR FREAKIN' REALS!  Now I knows to big fancy TV stars like Kathy and my Anderson $1000 ain't a whole dang lots but...it will go a long way in helpin' homeless kitties.  And, I used to be homeless and I know how bad it sucks to be cold and hungry and not have anybody to scratch your stuff when you need it scratched!

So...here's how you reach Miss Kathy:

Twitter:  @kathygriffinGriffin
Facebook:  Kathy Griffin

Just leave her lotsa messages askin' her to visit this link:  http://www.whiskersandpurrs.com/operation-birthday-wish/  to learn 'bout Elsie Fallulah Graves and her mad adoration of her Anderson Cooper and ask her if she will ask Anderson to wish Elsie a very Happy New Year.  If Anderson does it, the Whiskers & Purrs Gang will donate $1000 to Alley Cat Allies in both Anderson and Kathy's name...that means they will BOTH git the credit for it in heaven...for reals!   Be sure to tell Miss Kathy that, too!

I have been so sad all week 'cause I've been missin' my mommy...plus with that unfortunate tushy-incident a few weeks ago...I just need somethin' good to happen.  Please help me, dear peoples.  It will mean the world to me and the whole Whiskers & Purrs Gang...and it will help a lotta homeless kitties, too.

Very truly yours,
Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves

A message for Mommy Jenny from Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III

Dearest mommy,

I am sorry I hurted your ear.  I didn't mean to do it.  I knows you are very real mads at me.  I know my big, high-powered attorney, Boob Boobonivich, says I ain't supposed to say nothin' 'bout the unfortunate incident but I just can't stand to have you mads at me.  If you will just forgive me, I promise to use litter box every single day in 2010 and never ever pee in the floor agains.

I'm sorry, mommy.  I love you.

Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III