Hi. This is Jimmy Durante Graves III a speakin'. Me and Mazie Grace was doin' a little bit of smoochin' and stuff while mommy was cleanin' the spare bedroom. We had the room all to ourselves 'til mommy got the camera out and started doin' some papparrazzi kinda stuff.
Dang, mommy! Can't a man and a woman have some privacy???
Very truly yours, Jimmy Durante Graves III and Miss Mazie Grace
Hi Everybody. This is Felix. I'm tired. You'd be tired, too, if you was me. I gots way too many womens to have to keep happy. Dang...so many womens and not enough hours in a day. These pictures are just a couple examples of all the girls I gots to bring happiness and joy to.
I can't git a minute's rest. Mrs. Lilly White is always lovin' up on me. And Miss Elizabeth Taylor is always tryin' to get all up into my business, if you know what I'm a talkin' 'bout. Mommy said to ask you all to NOT notice how badly our windows need washin'...she said all the spots come from the many little noses that press up against it every single day...this is one of our extra-favorite spots in the house to cuss at the birds.
I wonder how Brad Pitt handles it...oh wait a minute...mommy says he's a skank 'cause he leaved Jennifer for that trashy big-lipped, gonna-save-the-world freak Angelina...okay, wonder how Steven Tyler and Joe Perry handles this kind of thang...mommy says they are hot and I bet they have lots of womens, too. I just might have to consult with them...I will keep you all posted.
This is Elizabeth Taylor. I really love boys. Boys are the best thing since Fancy Feast! I like yellow boys, black boys, grey boys, white boys, yellow and white boys...well, I think you get the gist of what I'mma talkin' bout.
I like to kiss 'em, roll in the floor with 'em, chase 'em, let 'em chase me, curl up with 'em, wrestle with 'em...again, you get my drift, I'm sure.
The only thing I won't do is marry 'em. I mean, girls named "Elizabeth Taylor" don't seem to have much of a good track record in the gettin' married department. Now, I know I'm the most fantabulist Elizabeth Taylor in the world, but I'd much rather have lots of boys to love me than just one.