Originally posted on December 26, 2009
RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network has just confirmed that Virginia Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III (D-VA) has been arrested on assualt charges stemming from a domestic violence-related incident that occurred today in his primary residence, The Whiskers & Purrs House, located in Richmond, Virginia.
Details of the incident are still being clarified. It has been confirmed that the Senator's mommy, Mommy Jenny, had traveled home after a long week of moving her mom and dad into a new house far, far away. While Mommy Jenny was checking her normally boring Facebook page, the Senator decided to sit down in the most coveted spot in the house - on the back of her desk chair. At the same time, the Senator's baby sister, Mazie Grace, decided that she wanted to sit on the back of the desk chair, too. Unfortunately, Mazie Grace is blind-as-a-bat and was not aware that the Senator had already called "dibs" on the spot.
What happened next is still a bit sketchy but, we have confirmed that when Mazie Grace jumped onto the back of the chair, the Senator began barking like a seal, leading some to suspect nip intoxication. Toxicology test results are currently pending. After barking like a seal, the Senator began to swing his left front paw wildly. Although he missed Mazie Grace by a mile, he nailed his mommy smack-dab in the ear. All of his claws hooked onto Mommy Jenny's ear. The Senator then began to pull his paw away which caused his mommy's ear to rip. As you might imagine, Mommy Jenny cussed like a sailor as she realized that the Senator had almost ripped her ear off...(okay, the cussing like the sailor part is true. The "almost ripped her ear off" part is for dramatic effect.)
Mommy Jenny took herself to the nearest Patient First clinic because she was afraid of infection and...it was bleeding like a son-of-a-gun and she wasn't sure if she needed stitches. She has now returned home, stitchless but with antibiotics, and is resting comfortably.
The Senator is currently being detained in the spare bedroom until he learns his lesson. No court date has been set. The Cat News Network will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information. Stay tuned for more breaking news.