Whiskers & Purrs

Felix speaks, too!

Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Felix Unger Graves III speakin'.  I wanna explain somethin'.  My middle name is "Unger" for a reason...in case you don't 'member it, Felix Unger was the neat one on the Odd Couple.  I am just like him...I don't 'presheeiate messiness.  Everything has gots to be in order or it makes me real upset. 

If any of you peoples from the innernets ever come to visit me, please know that you is not allowed to leave nothin' on the floor of my house.  It is against my rules.  If you leave anything...your shoes, the bathroom rug, a book, etc, on the floor, I will pee on it.  I mean to tell you, I will pee on it in a big ol' way...whatever it is.  The Mighty Mississippi ain't got nothin' on me when I am upset with your messiness.

Mommy learned that lesson the very extra-hard way last night.  She ain't gonna forgit that lesson for a long long LONG time.

Very truly yours,
Felix Unger Graves III

I Just Might Be Full of Poop.

To all my friends on the innernets.  This is Felix speakin'.  Well, let's just say things ain't goin' so hot.  I am still in the hospital.  The peoples here are nice...'cept for them awful things they are doin' to me.  Let me just say right now that I unnerstand what an enema is...Enemas ain't your friend no matter what the vetroregurgitarian says.  They is so bad that I can't even write 'bout it on this here blog.  I ain't never poo'd so much in my whole life.  I'm startin' to wonner just how much poo I really have in my insides?!?  This just ain't normal, y'all.  I mean, it's just the terriblest thing I have ever heard of and it's happenin' me to me about eleventy three times a day!  And, what's worse is that mommy is payin' 'em to do it to me!

Speakin' of mommy...after she leaved me here this mornin', she had the nerve to come visit.  I figured if I played my cards right, she might take me home....so...when I saw her ...I jumped up on her lap and gived her kisses and started droolin' on her.  I mean, hey, I'll suck up if it means I git to go home to my womens.  Then I started makin' bread on her lap...that always gits her...

Then, I jumped up on her shoulder and started tellin' 'bout them awful things they is doin' to me here...

Do you know what she said?  "I know it's awful, little man, but it's for the best...we've gotta find out what's wrong with your pooper." In other words...sorry, Jack, you ain't comin' home tonight!

Well, I'll show you, I ain't gonna talk to you no more tonight, Mommy.  That's it.  You is outta my will.  I'm done with you. I am gonna pee on your pillow if I EVER git outta this place.  Hmph...I bet Aunt Doktor Davies would just LOVE to have me as her little boy...you just wait...I'm gonna show you...

I am sad...'cause I just wanna go home.

Please say a prayer for me.

Very truly yours,
Felix

Gittin' Ready To Go Back To The Hospital

Hi to all you peoples on the innernets.  It's me, Felix, speakin'.  I ain't gots lot to say this mornin'.  Y'all all know I gots to go back to the hospital.  I'm skeerd.  Mommy is skeerd.  All them little girls in the house is skeerd.  It ain't no fun.  Please just pray for me.  Oh, and pray for mommy, too...she ain't quite right to begin with...havin' me be sick is gonna make her crazier than she already is. 

I'll try to update y'all once I'm in the hospital.  Just pray that everything turns out okay, 'kay?

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

UPDATE: Felix's New Hair Cut

Hi.  This is Felix speakin'.  Well, I finally made it home after bein' at the hospital yesterday.  Although I am in L-O-V-E with Aunt Doktor Davies, I sure didn't have no kind of fun bein' at VRCC...it was skeery.  First of all, Aunt Doktor Davies breaked just 'bout all of my "pooper examination rules" 'cept for Rule #5.  Just to refresh your memory, them rules is as follows:

1. Do not touch my poopal area.   
2. Do not squeeze my stuff. 
3. Do not stick thermomotators in my very extra special private places.
4. I will cuss at you if you break rules #1, 2 or 3
5. Do not make me take nasty skanky poison medicine.  Rule #4 will apply if you do.

She was skeerin' me when she was doin' the ultrasound on my tummy so I beginned to demonstrate Rule #4.  She called mommy and said that I was "usin' bad language" and asked if she had mommy's permission to give me a sedative...mommy said "yes, please do give Felix a chemical attitude adjustment".  Next thing I knowed, I was feelin' all warm and toasty in my insides...I started likin' have that there ultrasound.

Again, I do love my Aunt Doktor Davies.  BUT...she sure don't know how to cut hairs real good...look at what she did to the hairs on my tummy!!!  All of my stuff is bare now...wide open for the world to see.  I'mma little bit embarrassed.

I ain't been feelin' so good since I have been home.  In fact, I've been screamin' 'cause it hurts in my poopal area.  The ultrasound didn't show Aunt Doktor Davies anything bad so now I gots to have me a colonoscopoopy.  Mommy and me talked 'bout it...see...a colonoscopoopy for cats is just like a colonoscopoopy in humans.  They gots to do what they call "prep work".  For us cats, it takes 2 days...I gots to take somethin' called "Go Lightly" for 2 days, oh, and I gots to have somethin' called enemas...I don't think I gots me no enemies...what's that 'bout?  Then, on the third day, Aunt Doktor Davies will git down to the punkchewation by doin' a colonoscopoopy.  I'm skeered 'cause I will haff to be away from my women here at home and mommy, too.  But...I'll git to see Aunt Doktor Davies and make all kinds of googley eyes at her and all them other nice people at VRCC. 

Lotsa thanks to all you nice people on the innernets for leavin' comments and sayin' prayers for me yesterday.  I just have one more request...can you keep prayin' for me 'til we figure out what is wrong with my pooper?  Me and mommy sure would appreciate it. 

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

Felix Update

Hi.  This is Felix speakin'.  Just wanted to give y'all an update.  I am at VRCC right now...I sneaked into Aunt Doktor Davies' office to write this real quick...hope she don't git mad 'cause I'mma usin' her pooter.  Anyways...Aunt Doktor Davies is gonna run some tests on me this afternoon.  Nothin' bads gonna happen today.  She's gonna do an ultrasound and some super-duper X-Rays.  I will probably haffta come back early next week to have me a colonoscopoopy.  I don't know what that is...I think it's got to do with punchewation...I know I hear mommy talkin' 'bout colons and semi-colons.  Looks like I haff to have me a full-blown colonoscopoopy and not a semi-colonoscopoopy. 

Anyways...the big news is...I have falled in L-O-V-E.  Please don't tell none of them girl cats in my house.  Aunt Doktor Davies is wonnerful.  I think maybe mommy gots a little jealous...I just couldn't help it.  I rubbed all over her hands and gived her headbutts. I let her pick me up and hold me!  I mean, what with her bein' a vetroregurgitarian and all, you would think I wouldn't wanna be 'round her.  But she sounds like she's singin' when she talks 'cause she's from England.  I can't help but make googley-eyes at her.

Oops...here she comes.  Gotta go look all hot and stuff for Aunt Doktor Davies! 

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

Please Say A Prayer For Me.

Hi.  This is Felix speakin'.  I'm skeerd.  It's 7:00 in the mornin' and I gots to go to the Veterinary Referral & Critical Care Hospital in 'bout an hour.  I'm real confused.  Mommy made me stay in her bedroom with her last night.  I wasn't allowed to eat nothin' after she closed the door.  What is that all 'bout? 

Mommy keeps tellin' me that I'mma gonna feel better after this but I just don't know...what if they don't follow my rules:

1. Do not touch my poopal area.  A man don't like to have his very extra special private places touched or looked at so just keep your hands off.
2. Do not squeeze my stuff.  See #1 for more detail.
3. Do not stick thermomotators in my very extra special private places...just ask me, I will tell you what my temperature is.
4. Remember that I used to live on the streets and I'm tough so I might just have to make some funky noises to make sure you unnerstand that I am tough and a big strappin' man. 
5. Do not make me take nasty skanky poison medicine.  I am big and strong and I will bite the livin' bejeezuz outta anybody that even thinks 'bout makin' me take stuff like flagyl.

And, what if whatever they do to me hurts a lot?  Oh, I'm just skeerd, skeerd, SKEERD!  Please, all you peoples on the innernets, say a big loud prayer for me this mornin', 'kay?  And for mommy, too...she's worried 'bout me which makes me even more worried.  We sure would 'ppreciate it if you would think 'bout us this mornin'.

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

An Update On Felix And His Pooper

Hi to all the peoples on the innernets.  First I wanna say thanks to all the very extra specially nice people on the innernets. We have received LOTSA emails askin' 'bout my pooper.  It sure makes me and mommy feel real warm and fuzzy in our insides.  We is real thankful for people just like y'all. 

We ain't got a real update yet about my pooper...we has been tryin' some stuff.  It has worked a little bit but, for the most part, it just still ain't quite right.  I'm feelin' a little better...shoot...what am I thinkin'...I've been feelin' good!  I was chasin' me some of them women cats in this house just yesterday...had to git me a little somethin' somethin' from Fergie...dang...she's hot!  We had a good time playin' and then kissin' afterwards.

So, here's the deal...we tried somethin' mommy calls "medicine"...I call it poison.  You pusscats have probably heard of it...it's called "flagyl" (or metronidozole if you're super-high-fallootin).  It has helped me a little bit.  Plus, mommy has been givin' me something called "Vetasyl" in my suppers...I ain't sure what it is 'zactly but I can't taste it...as long as it does not interfere with my Fancy Feast Experience, it's okay with me.

I gots to go back to the Veterinary Referral & Critical Care Hospital (VRCC) on Friday, February 1 at 9:00 in the mornin' to see Aunt Doktor Davies.  She is probably gonna do somethin' called an endoscopoopy. Now I know that sounds all skeery and everything but me and mommy have had us a long long LONG talk 'bout it.  See, like I've telled y'all before, Aunt Doktor Davies is the worlds bestest pooper fixer-upper.  And, mommy says that once Aunt Doktor Davies finds out what's wrong, she'll help fix it and then I will feel good all the dang time.  So...I ain't too skeerd 'bout it. Mommy is a little skeerd...she don't think I know that every time she has taked one of us to VRCC, it's usally real bad...so bad that we have to go to heaven.  See, VRCC is a special place.  It's where little people like us go when we is in trouble...they know how to fix stuff real good.  But, like mommy telled me, sometimes there just ain't no way to fix the stuff that is bad.  But, I keep tryin' to tell mommy that ain't gonna happen this time. Please, everybody, tell mommy that it's gonna be okay, 'kay?  She's gonna be crazier than a loon by Friday mornin' if you don't.

Okay, that's it for now.  Thanks again for all them nice emails and comments.  We is gonna keep 'em for ever and ever and EVER!

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

STOP LOOKIN' AT MY STUFF, MOMMY!

I'm gittin' tired of this, mommy...stop lookin' at my stuff!  It ain't none of your business if my very extra special private place has been fixed or not.  The vetroregurgitarian told you I had already had me a operation.  Can't you leave well 'nuff alone?  Just 'cause me and Fergie are doin' the big IT, don't mean nothin'.    Do NOT call Aunt Doktor Dugan.  She will think you is flat out crazy!  You will embarrass me and all of the other kids in this house!

STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT!

Great Balls Of Fire!

Hi to everybody on the innernets.  This is Felix a speakin'.  I'm mad.  Very mad.  Mommy has decided she ain't real sure if I have been neutered or not.  See, I just showed up one day...you can learn more about my arrival here.  Of course mommy taked me to the vetroregurgitarian.  Aunt Doktor Dugan wasn't in that day and another vetroregurgitarian gived me an examination.  She said that I had already had my very extra special private place operated on and that I had been "fixed"...whatever that means.  That was 2 1/2 years ago people!  Now mommy has decided that she just ain't real sure...she rudely walked in on me and Fergie do the big IT yesterday...Hubba Hubba!

First of all, can a man and a woman git some privacy?  I mean really people.  This is ridikilous.  Just 'cause me an Fergie got a little somethin' somethin' goin' on don't mean it's anybody's business...that means you, too, mommy!  And, mommy's been goin' round tryin' to look at my stuff and compare it to the other boys in the house that she knows for sure have been operated on...how could you embarrass me like that, mommy???  There's just no comparison.  I'm the big studly man in this house.  Maybe my balls growed back...did you ever think about that?  You know I drive the girls wild.  Do you really think you could compare me to say, The Senator?  Jimmy?  PUHLEEEZE!  Don't be messin' with my stuff, mommy.  I don't find this to be very amusin'.

I'm just flat out mad.  I ain't sure I'm ever gonna speak to you again...at least until it's time for supper.

Very truly yours,
Felix the Magical Cat

Deliciousness!

Hi.  This is Felix a speakin'.  Would somebody PUHLEEZE tell my mommy that she should let me go outside and be "friends" with Peter the Rabbit?  He's so lonely out there...I just want to extend a paw in friendship...you know...upside his head and then sprinkle some ketchups on him and put 'im between two slices of whole wheat bread with a little mayo and a slice of tomato and cheez...Mmmm...a rabbit sammich...Mmmm...tastey!