Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Felix Unger Graves III speakin'. I wanna explain somethin'. My middle name is "Unger" for a reason...in case you don't 'member it, Felix Unger was the neat one on the Odd Couple. I am just like him...I don't 'presheeiate messiness. Everything has gots to be in order or it makes me real upset.
If any of you peoples from the innernets ever come to visit me, please know that you is not allowed to leave nothin' on the floor of my house. It is against my rules. If you leave anything...your shoes, the bathroom rug, a book, etc, on the floor, I will pee on it. I mean to tell you, I will pee on it in a big ol' way...whatever it is. The Mighty Mississippi ain't got nothin' on me when I am upset with your messiness.
Mommy learned that lesson the very extra-hard way last night. She ain't gonna forgit that lesson for a long long LONG time.
Very truly yours,
Felix Unger Graves III