Dear bugs in my poops,
This is Felix Unger Graves the Magical Cat speakin'. Last week, my dear friend, Daisy the Curly Cat, writed about how vetroregurgitarians could use microscopes to find bugs in your poop. It was kinda ironic that she would write 'bout that 'cause earlier in the week, mommy had taked some of my poops to Aunt Doktor Davies for her to investigate whether or nots I had me some bugs that had moved into my insides.
At first I thinked that mommy was crazy to even think somethin' like that was possible. But, when I readed that Daisy said it was possible, then I knowed it must be true 'cause Daisy the Curly Cat is the smartest girl in the whole world. So, imagine my horror when mommy talked with Aunt Doktor Davies today just to find out that, yes, indeed, I do gots me some bugs in my poops! Mr. & Mrs. Giardia moved into my insides and started havin' babies in my poops! See, it ain't normal for this to happen and it makes a person feel real bad when it does. This is why I have been so sick over the past year.
Mr. & Mrs. Giardia, I gots just a few words for you...
- Ewwwww...you is gross! Why would you wanna live in somebody's poop?
- Even though mommy says we ain't supposed to hate nobody, I hate you, you slimy, good-for-nothin' bugs for makin' me go through feelin' so bad for so long.
- It's 'cause of you that I had to go through all kinds of awful tests and bad things at the hospital, you free-loadin' losers. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!
- Well, I hope you enjoy livin' up in my insides but you better watch out...your days is numbered 'cause I'mma takin' medicine that's gonna kick you in your booty...your days is numbered, Mr. & Mrs. Giardia...that goes for you and your little kids, too!
And, finally, to my dear friend, Daisy the Curly Cat, I would just like to say a big "thanks"! You is the smartest girl in the whole wide world.
Very truly yours,
Felix Unger Graves the Magical Cat