As most of my constichewants knows, last week was the Republican National Convention here in the United States of God Fearin' America. Peoples, I just couldn't bear the thoughts of killin' off any more of my delicate brain cells by bein' exposed to that crap. I would not allow my mommy to put that hot pile of hogwash on tour television...we only watched The Housewifes of NY and The Housewifes of NJ...the entire week...that was it! BTW...I really enjoyed watchin' Caroline open up a can of whoopass on Teresa...I am definitely Team Caroline.
Anyways...one night while I was busy enjoyin' my Housewifes, I gots me a call from Clint Eastwoods. He knows 'bout my excellent 'sperience in the public eye and all my public poopin' speakin' skills and asked if I might come help him rehearse his big moment...well, I guess Mr. Eastwoods just wasn't awares that in addition to the Democratic Senator for the Great Commonwealth of Virginia, I am the esteemed leader of the "Kittens Against Mittens" political committee...
Peoples...I promise...I really did try to help the old codger outs...it was really kinda sads what with all the womens fawnin' over me and not even lookin' at Dirty Harry over there in the corner mumblin' to hisself. When I sawed that he was so intent on talkin' to the empty chair well...I may have just gived him a few suggestions...and then I just let history take its course. SCORE one for "Team Kittens Against Mittens"!
Oh, befores I forgit, I will be a special correspondent at this week's Democratic National Convention so be sure to looks for me and I might be a special guest speaker at the big ass podium, too...ain't no tellin' what's gonna happen!
I hope you all have a very good week.
Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III