This is Miss Elsie Fallulah Graves speakin'. I gots me a BIG-ASS ANNOUNCEMENT today. Now, most of y'all knows that 2009 was a real hard year for lots of peoples...myself includeds. I mean, I was heartbroked not once but twiced by Anderson Cooper. Now, I gots to tell you that a womans can only take so much. I was devastated.
On top of that, I had me an Unfortunate Tushy Incident...not once but twiced I had to into the hospital 'cause my tushy gotted all sore and itchy and swolled-up and hurty. Oh it was awful and very real embarrassin'.
But 2009 is now long gone and 2010 is a new start! My tushy is all healed and I am feelin' goods! And...well...a miracle has happened. See, I meeted me a boy...a good boy. His name is Rudy...Mr. Rudy Hess. Oh, peoples on the innernets, he is wonnerfuls...smart and handsomes and brave and nice...and, you know what? HE LIKES ME!!! He asked me to be his girlfriend! And...I SAID YES!!!!
I am happy, dear peoples on the innernets! Very real happy! He is so good to me...me and Rudy talk on Facebook every day! Oh he is just dreamy!
And, he's got a cool brother!!! His name is Heinrich Boobithy Boobonivich or "Boob" for short. Boob is a very important high-powered lawyer. That is great news for when I git into trouble for tryin' to beat up on Little Joey Cartwright Graves III.
Oh dear friends on the innernets, 2010 has started off wonnerfuls! I am so thankfuls for my Rudykins. I want everybody on the innernets to know my Rudy and know that I love love LOVE him! If you are on Facebook, please make both of us your friend, 'kay? You can find Rudy by lookin' up "Rudy Hess". I can be found as "Elsie Fallulah Graves". Please visit us every day and feel the love and mushiness we gots for each other!
Very truly yours and big MWAH to my Rudykins,
Elsie Fallulah Graves
PS...Me and Rudy like to kiss on the lips with our mouth opens. Please turn away and don't watch while we is kissin', 'kay?