Hi. This is Duchess Fergie a speakin'. I am a big, beautiful womans. Mommy says it's not common to find a yellow girl. Most yellow cats are boys. She says I'm one in a million in oh so many ways. First, my coat is very very pretty. Second, mommy says I have the worlds loudest purr and I make funky grunty noises. She says that nobody else in the whole wide world has ever made funky grunty noises before. I'm the first. Third, I have the world's itchiest buttockses. My buttockses is itchy, itchy, itchy. And, finally, I take my beauty and specialness very seriously. Here's a picture of me givin' myself a manicure...it's very important that a womans has extra-super-duperly nice fingernails just like me:
First you bite 'em:
Then, you've gotta lick 'em real good:
Then, because of all the intense focus on your beauty, you've gotta take a nice long nap:
Beauty rest is real important for a womans that is full of beauty like me. 23 hours a day of beauty rest is the minimum it takes to sustain the degree of hotness I possess.
Okay, gotta go poop and skratch my itchy buttockses.
Very truly yours,
Fergie, the Duchess of Huntsmoor
