Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III. It is now time for Meet the Senator Sunday. Dear peoples, today I am very sad and mads. Here's a live feed of what's goin' on way way way down deep in the ocean down in Louisiana.Now, peoples, as a very smart and intelligent Senator from the great state of Virginia, I can tell you that nobody caused this leak to happen on purpose. But, the way them people from British Petroleums is handlin' this is what my mommy calls "criminals"...
I am so mads that I don't even know what to says. But...I can't waste any energy on me bein' mads...the only thing I can do is pray for all the peoples and precious animals that are in harms way...all the peoples that now don't have no way to make moneys and take care of their families 'cause of this need our prayers and helps. And, all them beautiful birdies and fishies and plants that are sufferin' and dyin' 'cause of all that nasty oily stuff don't deserve this neither...please join me in sayin' prayers...like...all day long prayers 'cause this is really a bad situation, peoples.
There is one other thing everybody can do...see, BP has a "representative" named Randy Prescott. He made some mean and igornant comments this week: "Louisiana isn't the only place that has shrimp," said Randy Prescott....Well, Mr. Prescott, I gots one thing to say to you..."BP AIN'T THE ONLY PLACE MY MOMMY CAN BUY GASOLINE FOR OUR CAR..." In fact, on Friday, mommy was drivin' on gas fumes...the warnin' bell was dingin' up a storm...the closest gas station was a BP place...but mommy took a chance and drove an extra mile and went somewheres else.
Please join me in lettin' Mr. Prescott know that he needs to be put on a helicopter, flown out into the middle of the oil spill and then dropped down on his big snobby elitist tushy smack dab in the middle of all that nasty oil...without a raft or boat or nothin'...let him live out in it for 50 days without no ways to git food or shelter...maybe then he might unnerstand.
You can reach Mr. Prescott at email@example.com and also call him at (713) 323-4093. Maybe by now bein' the slimy, skanky, money-hungry jerks that BP is, they might have already disconnected his phone and/or disabled his email to protect him...but please do whatever you can to let BP know that we ain't gonna put up with them no mores.
Very truly yours,
Senator Henry Jackson Edward Graves III