Dearest peoples on the innernets,
This is Mrs. Lilly White speakin'. Today I will tell you all 'bout my name. As my sister, Fergie the Duchess of Huntsmoor, telled you yesterday, me and her and Coco was adopteded at the same time. Here's how I looked back then:
Even at that very young age, I was very much a prim and proper lady...notice that my knees were together and my bosoms weren't showin'...it is very important for a lady to maintain ladylikeness at all times...even when they is a tiny little squirt.
Back then, my name was Coconut. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? It hurts me so to even think 'bout it. What kind of name is that for a lovely lady such as myself. Shortly after my mommy meeted me, she realized what a special girl I am and started to unnerstand my filosofee. See, it's pritty simple...
- Be a lady at all times.
- When you ain't bein' a lady, make sure nobody is lookin'.
- Always have pink toes, pink fingers, pink nose and lips and pink ears.
- Don't show your stuff to strangers.
- Never do IT with boys unless you is married.
When mommy realized what a perfectly prissy girl I am, she knowed that somebody had missed the mark with my "Coconut" name. One night me and her was talkin' and she just flat out asked me, "What's your real name, little girl?" I was so happy she asked. Here's our discussion:
Me: "Mommy, since I have such pritty white furs, my name is Mrs. Lilly White."
Mommy: "Lilly, that's the perfect name, but why the "Mrs."?
Me: "Well, I am a lady. In order to do IT with boys, you must be married. When a girl is married, she is a "Mrs.". Therefore, my name is Mrs. Lilly White. I do expect to be called my full proper name at all times, too, mommy, because I intend to do IT with boys a lot. Please don't forgit this."
And so, that is how I got my name. Here is a very important fact that you may not know 'bout me:
- I absolutely HATE to make poop. It is gross and I do everything I can to avoid it. Here's a picture of me demonstratin' my Mrs. Lilly White Tippy-Toe Method of Makin' Poop and a link to a post I made explainin' my thoughts on poop makin' and other very important things.
And, so, that is my story. I must go take a long nap now...writin' all this stuff has been very taxin' on my beautiful self and made me very tired. Please check in tomorrow...my sister, Mademoiselle Coco Chanel, will tell you how she got her name.
Please remember to keep your knees together and do not show your "stuff" to strangers.
Very truly yours,
Mrs. Lilly White