To all the peoples on the innernets, this is Felix Unger Graves III speakin'. As y'all know, for the next 12 days, we will be tellin' everybody how each one of us got our name. It's real important that you unnerstand that mommy didn't name us. We each telled her what our name was. It' real important that you human beans listen to your little peoples...'cause if you listen good enough, we tell you who we is. The problem is...y'all don't always listen.
My story goes like this...I lived on the streets. I didn't have no home or anybody to love me. I was sad...very sad and lonely. But, one day I found the little white house on Huntsmoor Drive. You can read all 'bout that day HERE. Here's a picture of me when I was still on the outside...I was flirtin' with mommy then and she was givin' me fresh nips! I knowed I was gonna like livin' with her!!!
At first, my new mommy thought my name was "Lord Leonard of the Land of Fancy Feast". First of all, have you EVER heard anything quite as awful as that??? She was callin' me "Lenny" for short.
But, that didn't last for long...see, I don't like messy things. Everything has gots to be in perfect order or I have to let it be known that I ain't happy. If you leave somethin' in the floor that ain't supposed to be there, I will pee on it. If you don't make the bed in the mornin'...I will pee on your pillow. If you leave the bathmat in the floor, I will pee on it. If you don't put your shoes in the closet, I will pee in them. I think you unnerstand what I'm sayin'.
I can sing better than him, though. Anyways, that's why I'm named Felix Unger Graves III. Just remember, DON'T LEAVE STUFF IN THE FLOOR!!! It is very upsettin' to me.
Very truly yours,
Felix Unger Graves III