RICHMOND, Virginia (Cat News Network) -- The Cat News Network (CNN) is reporting that Miss Elizabeth Taylor has gone into seclusion and is now under the strict supervision of her big brother, Felix the Magical Cat. Taylor, 3, was recently involved in a string of late night parties, arrests for public nip intoxications and attempted murder of Mazie Grace, road rage and being caught without her panties on.
After many pleas to seek help by her family and friends in the blogosphere, Taylor's big brother, Felix, stepped in to take over. "Nip is a wonnerful thing in moderation but, dang it, it can ruin a life if you ain't careful. I ain't gonna let Miss Elizabeth Taylor become another statistic. I'm gonna make sure she stops the nip sniffin', gits some sykeeatrik help and puts her panties back on for good."
Felix, 5 1/2, has recently battled a serious health issue involving his broken pooper. Although his pooper is recovering, he still requires trips to see Aunt Doktor Davies and his mommy giving him a shot once a day. "I'm just so proud of Felix the Magical Cat. On top of all the things he has going on with his pooper treatments, he still loves his little sister and is going to help get her back on the straight and narrow path. He's the best Man-of-the-House EVER," stated Felix and Taylor's mommy.
CNN will keep you up to date on these rapidly changing events as we receive new information. Stay tuned for more breaking news.