Hi. This is Freddy speakin'. Uh, I don't know how to tell you peoples on the innernets this but...uh...I think I gots me some cooties. It's kinda skeery. See, I was lovin' on mommy last night 'fore she falled asleep. We was kissin' and stuff and she was scratchin' my butt-tocks when she said "Freddy! What on earth?!?...The fur on you hind leg is gone!...You must have cooties!!!"
Now I ain't exzactly sure what cooties is and why they eated all the hairs on my hind leg. Are they like pets? Do I needs to feed 'em? Was they hungry and that's why they had to eat my hairs? Do they need to be petted and licked? I wonner if they poop in the litter box or "go" somewhere else? This is a lotta responsibility for a little boy like me! I've asked my brothers and sisters and they all say they ain't never had them no hair-eatin' cooties. I don't know what to do. Mommy said we must see Aunt Doktor Dugan rights away. I'll ask her! Aunt Doktor Dugan knows everything and I won't have to worry 'bout my cooties 'cause she will take care of 'em!
Very truly yours,